Page 85 of Truck Off
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Felix’s reaction to how I handled my car has led to a boatload of guilt on my part. It’s festered and grown as the day wore on. I was so certain I was doing the right thing by paying for the repairs myself. Isn’t that what every man wants in a woman? Someone independent and capable? Not a mooch.
When I told Felix what happened, he was so shocked by my response that I’d rendered him speechless for about ten minutes. It takes a lot to make Felix go quiet, and yet I managed it. It made me wish I could take back telling him what Chase did, and how I responded.
When he finally spoke to me, his words made me cringe.
You made a mistake. Apologize.
That’s it. Five words. Then he went back to work, not saying another word to me about it the rest of the day.
At first, I couldn’t see why Felix thought my decision to pay for my car was a mistake. Hadn’t I told Chase I wasn’t his responsibility? I’d been very adamant about that. As far as I’m concerned, he has no right to be upset with me for taking care of myself.
No one does. I’ve managed just fine in my adult life. I don’t need someone stepping in now and taking over.
Giving up control of one’s life never ends well. I saw that firsthand for years from the MC. How many women married into the club just to lose their lives? Not literally, but they had no independence, no individuality, and no control over anything that happened to them. They were treated like property.
I refuse to be put in that position.
But as the day went on, I started to see Felix’s point. And maybe even Chase’s.
He’s not trying to take over my life. He’s trying to help make it easier. Better.
At least that’s what I think he’s trying to do. I’ve never been good at relationships of any kind. That’s why I don’t have them. A couple days into this one, and I may have already screwed it all up.
Which is how I find myself sitting in Walmart’s parking lot texting my best friend after I got off work.
She responds to me almost immediately, letting me know where I can find her. If anyone can help me make sense of all these feelings over what’s happening with Chase, it’s Jayla. She knows me better than anyone and often can put how I’m feeling into words better than I can.
I find her repricing some shelves in the cosmetics aisle. She gives me a gentle smile as soon as she sees me approach.
“Hey, Leens.” She pulls me in for a hug before she turns back to the tags she’s hanging. “Gotta talk and work. I need to finish this section before my shift ends in …” she glances down at the time on her phone, “fifteen minutes.”
“I think I screwed up with Chase.” I blurt out. “I mean, he keeps doing all these things for me—things that cost a lot of money—and it’s … Nice.”
Jayla looks at me out of the corner of her eye as she moves an entire section of concealer to a new rack. “And …”
I let out a low huff and lean against the shelf. “I don’t like it. You know how I like to take care of myself. I can’t have someone dropping into my life and taking over.”
“Gawd, babe. There are so many things wrong with everything you just said.”
“What?” I glare at her.
She gives me a side eye glance and rolls her eyes. “First of all, who doesn’t like it when someone helps them out? I sure as hell would love to meet someone who cares about me and wants to help make my life better. Of course you can take care of yourself. We all can. But that doesn’t mean we have to. And accepting help from someone doesn’t mean they’re taking over your life. Chase isn’t a member of the MC. He’s not treating you like property. What he’s doing is called caring. I know that’s a foreign concept to you, but if you’re going to date him, you’re going to have to get used to it.”
“Caring is not a foreign concept to me.” I scoff, not only at my words but at the fact that this is the only thing I can think of to say to refute her. She’s not wrong. Aside from her and my dad, I’ve not had a lot of people in my life who actually cared for me.
She gives me a look that says she’s calling my bullshit. Then she shakes her head before turning back to her work. “Leens, let me ask you. Do you like Chase? Like butterflies in the stomach, you can’t wait to see him again and have his arms wrapped tight around you, like him?”
I look away from her and stare at anything except her knowing glances. She really does know me too well. Which means my only option here is honesty.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “I really like him.”
“Have you told him that?”
“Not in so many words. But I did agree to date him and give this a shot. Does that count?”
“No.” She chuckles. “Use the words. Tell him how you feel. Stop hiding behind all those protective walls you’ve built around yourself and let him in.”