Page 120 of Daydream
“I felt relieved, Halle. When he said I might not get to be captain anymore, for the first time all year I was happy about hockey. And I don’t know what to do with that information. I feel really lost about the things I have and the things I want. I think I might need a bit of time to sort my head and my feelings out.”
I find his hand on the floor beside me and hold it tight. I make up my mind about what I’m going to say, then change it, then decide again. A lifetime passes before I speak. “I broke a rule, Henry. It’s a big one; number four. Anastasia was right.”
He brings the hand clutching his to his mouth, kissing my skin gently. “I know. When I feel better, I’ll ask the board to forgive me for not doing number five.”He isn’t going to break my heart.“Can you give me time? I’m worried that if you’re around when this all hits me that I’ll push you away. I promise you and Joy can have me back when I feel better. I just don’t deal with things well when everyone is around me. I feel a bit numb now, but I don’t think that will last, so I’m going to go to my parents’ house.”
I want to beg him to let me help him, but he clearly doesn’t wantmy help. As hard as it is to accept, especially when it comes to someone I love, I can’t fix everything. “Yes.”
“This is the one thing you’re allowed to say no to me about,” he says, voice soft.
“I can give you time to get your head straight, Henry. As much time as you need. Just promise you’ll come back to me as soon as you feel better.”
“I promise.”
Chapter Thirty-SevenHALLE
THERE’S A PART OF MEthat hopes that when I answer the knocking at my front door that it will be Henry with his shit together, but deep down I know that it isn’t.
I don’t get many visitors, so it’s a surprise when I open my front door and find a woman I don’t immediately recognize standing on the other side of it. I say don’t recognize, but as she smiles at me and holds up her hand to wave awkwardly, I realize of course I know who she is.
“I’m so sorry to turn up like this, Halle,” she says. “I’m Anastasia. Henry might have, well I hope he has, mentioned me before. He’s talked about you so much I feel like I already know you.”
“Oh my God, yes. Hi.” I feel a little starstruck. Henry talks about Anastasia so much I feel like she’s famous, but I’ve never met her in person because she’s always so busy. Then my stomach drops, because why is she here?
“Everything is fine,” she says quickly. “Sorry, you just looked panicked. I’m just looking for Henry. He isn’t at home, and I guess I was just hoping he was with you. He hasn’t been answering my calls, and I’m just worried about him.”
“He isn’t here. He told me he was going to his parents’ house,” Isay, quickly putting her out of her misery. “We haven’t talked, either. He said he wanted time to himself.”
Anastasia nods, folding her arms to hug herself. “I’ve been really wrapped up in myself this year. I have a lot on my plate and my boyfriend moved to Vancouver, and I guess what I’m trying to say in a really long-winded way is I’m sorry I haven’t found the time to meet you until now. I know you mean a lot to Henry. I’m really happy he has you, and I’d tell him that again if he would stop shutting me out.”
In a way, hearing Henry isn’t answering her calls makes me feel marginally better, even though I recognize that’s a horrible way to feel. I think hearing that Henry is doing what he said he was going to do gives me the smallest bit of hope that things will work out.
“We kind of almost met last year. We were at the same party, and I saw you were talking to Henry, but we didn’t really know each other then, so I thought you were his girlfriend.”
Anastasia laughs in a way that would be better described as a cackle. “Girlfriend? He’d rather be celibate for the rest of his life. Henry only likes tall girls like, well, you. You’re Henry’s perfect type. He once told me I didn’t have enough ass to be able to justify my attitude, and that he was going to invoice me for physiotherapy since he was getting a bad neck from always looking at the ground when he’s forced to talk to me. So, definitely not girlfriend material.”
“That’s so harsh!” I say, but I can’t help but laugh because I can hear him saying it. Aurora once said that Henry talks to me differently compared to how he talks to everyone else, but I didn’t quite believe her until right now. “But to be fair, not unexpected. He told Lola she needed to finish growing if she wanted to be able to talk down to him, so it checks out.”
“He once had a very serious conversation with Kris about the medical logistics of height enhancements. When I told them they were ridiculous, he asked me hypothetically, if it guaranteed I stopped falling on my ass during practice, would I do it? Because hecounted, and he thinks I’m above average on the ass-to-ice ratio. Not gonna lie, thought about it for a hot second.”
“That is… so random. Why would Kris be doing medical experiments?”
“Because he’s premed,” she says, looking at me funny. “Didn’t you know? I’m not judging you. The idea of human life being in Kris’s handsterrifiesme. I thought everyone was pranking me when they first told me. I forced Kris to show me his class schedule.”
“That is terrifying.” Joy circles my feet, so I immediately pick her up to prevent her from escaping. “Sorry, do you want to come in?”
“I’m good. I’m sorry to randomly drop in on you. I’m just worried about him and I could trade ridiculous stories about all of them all day. I think I’m projecting, because I feel guilty about not spending a lot of time with people this year,” she says. “If you speak to him could you get him to return my calls? I just want to know that he isn’t spiraling.”
“If you text him and tell him you’re about to show up at his parents’ house I’m sure he’ll text you back.”
Her hands go to her waist, her demeanor switching into something more awkward. “He’ll know I’m lying. I’ve never been and I don’t even know where it is. Do you have the address?”
I shake my head. “I only went once, and I slept in the car because I was sick. I’m sorry. Should I be more worried? Honestly? He promised me he’d get in touch with me when he felt better, and I’ve just kinda told myself that I’m not going to have a total emotional breakdown over a man who says he’s coming back. Mainly because if he turns up here and I’m crying over him he’ll call me dramatic. Has he done this before?”
She shakes her head frantically. “No, please don’t stress yourself out because of me. Do you have siblings?”
“Yeah, I have three.”
“I’m an only child, but Henry feels like what I imagine having a brother is like. He isn’t great at working outwhenhe’s on a downwardspiral, but he’s learned that if he removes himself from the situation he can basically, like, process it all better. I’m still going to stress about him. I can’t help it. But like I said, it’s mostly guilt.”