Page 122 of Daydream
“That’s why we didn’t check in sooner,” Cami adds. “We thought you guys were just hiding out together.”
“No, we agreed on a little bit of space,” I explain. “I’m sorry for crying. Will just got into my head saying that I’d lose all of you as soon as Henry got bored with me, and that hewouldget bored with me, and—”
“Disrespectfully, fuck Will,” Cami says harshly. “That guy is a jerk, and he has no idea what he’s talking about.”
“You know I adore Henry, Halle. He’s Russ’s closest friend and he’s done so much for him. So you know when I say this it comes from a place of love—” My stomach sinks at Aurora’s words because I feel thebutcoming. “But I’myourfriend. I don’t care if you guys are married or never going to talk again, I am inyourcorner. But Henry isn’t bored with you. I don’t even know what’s going on with him because nobody tells me anything. I’m not in their inner circle and I’m cool with that. I have my own inner circle and so do you. It’s us. We’re the circle.”
“If I bow out of having to listen to your problems, does the circle become a square?” Emilia asks Aurora.
“I bet the real Spice Girls never had to put up with this bullshit. Serious question: why do men?” Cami says, taking a long sip from her wineglass.
Emilia and Poppy fist bump, and their closeness makes me miss Henry even more.
“Why am I so bad at keeping the promises I make to myself? Iswore I wasn’t going to be upset over this. After my mom and stepdad left early, I cleaned this entire place. I did all my homework, and I did all the prep work for book club for the next two months. I was handling it. And now I’m being pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic,” Poppy says immediately. “You’re just probably a tiny little bit in love with him.”
“I feel pathetic missing someone because of a few days without talking after this was only supposed to be a short-term arrangement anyway,” I say, taking a sip from my own glass.
“As someone who misses someone they have no business missing, I feel qualified to tell you that you don’t get to control how you feel about stuff like that,” Cami says. “If you’re pathetic, I’m pathetic. I honestly believe we’re too hot to be considered pathetic, but who cares if we are. Maybe we’re just cursed with big emotions. It’s okay to feel things.”
“What do you mean ‘arrangement,’?” Aurora says, and I have a split second to decide whether to trust my friends or lie. Given they’ve turned up here to look out for me, it feels unfair not to tell the truth.
“When Will broke up with me, I promised myself I’d put myself first because I had to sacrifice a lot of my time and happiness when we were together. There’s this fiction competition I wanted to enter to win a place in a writing course during the summer, but because I’ve been so sheltered, my lack of life experience was just so clear in everything I wrote.”
“Oh, I saw that on the bulletin board. The one in New York, right?”
I nod. “Henry felt sorry for me, I guess, and he was struggling with Professor Thornton’s class, so we agreed that I’d help him if he helped give me life experiences. It sounds so silly now when I say it out loud to other people.”
“It isn’t silly,” Poppy says, trying to reassure me. “It kinda makes perfect sense. The only thing that doesn’t is you thinking it was because Henry felt sorry for you. He obviously liked you from the start.”
“You wrote a book and didn’t tell me? When you know Ilovereading?” Aurora says, practically jumping out of her seat. “Did you submit already? Can I read it?”
Emilia tsks and I watch her roll her eyes. “Way to not make this about you, Ror.”
An uncomfortable heat prickles up my neck. “No and no. I haven’t finished the third act, and the rest is basically a whole-ass mess that needs to be heavily edited. I didn’t prioritize it; I got distracted with Henry, and you guys, and being unwell, and yeah. It wouldn’t have won anyway, so no big deal.”
“When does the competition close?” Poppy asks.
“Like, just over three weeks. It’s the Sunday before spring break week starts, but I would need to be done the week before because there’s an author bio and a cover letter I’d need to write. And I’d need to submit on Thursday because I fly back to Phoenix to go on vacation with my family and Will’s family on Friday.”
“You’re still going on vacation with him?” It’s like a cartoon as I watch all four of their jaws drop at the same time.
“I’m not going to talk to him. But I miss my family. I miss my little sisters so much, and the alternative is staying here and being lonely.”
“It isn’t.” Aurora shakes her head, rubbing her temple with her fingers. “Let’s deal with one blazing wildfire at a time.”
“Halle, you have to submit this book. Even if it’s totally rubbish, which it won’t be because I don’t believe you’re capable of that,” Cami says. “Even your system notes at work are beautifully crafted. But the point is, you owe it to yourself. You can finish this book; I believe in you.”
“But I don’t even know how to end it,” I admit. “I’ve had an idea this whole time and now it just doesn’t feel right, so I don’t know what to do.”
“Go with your heart,” Aurora says. I want to tell her my heart is kind of busy being bruised at the moment. “Just start typing and see what happens. That’ll be the story you want to tell. And send me what you have so far. I can start editing it while you finish the rest.”
“Me, too,” Emilia says. “I love being a grammar nerd.”
“I am not a book or grammar girl, but I’ll make sure you’re fed and hydrated. I’m also fucking amazing at giving massages if your back and neck get sore,” Cami adds.
“I’ve been writing emails for my mom since I learned to spell,” Poppy says, laughing, and that task feels so familiar to me. “I can do the bones of your cover letter if you let me know what you want to say. Then you can just edit it to suit your style. We can do this, Halle.”