Page 52 of Phoenix
Niamh
After being at Lou’s place for two days, I’ve started having recurring nightmares again. All of them play on repeat – being taken, being back inside that basement, Stanley flying away from me when I need him most. I wake up in a sheen of sweat, panting and flustering at a dark figure who appears in front of me. I know it’s taking its toll on me; I can see it on Lou and Daniel’s faces when I come down in the morning with bags under my eyes and a tremble in both hands. I haven’t mentioned it to Warren; I need him to focus on what he’s doing so he can get back to me as soon as he is able.
The shadow of Daddy has begun to appear too. He stands amongst Lou and Daniel’s garden, statue still, just waiting for me. He usually disappears within a few blinks, but my mind is still terrified of seeing him. I must have looked particularly bad this morning for Lou begged me to go to lunch at Izzy’s house with her. I wanted to stay in the confines of my room where I could hide and wait for Warren to call, but I didn’t want to let her down either. I felt sick the whole ride over and it was obvious I wasn’t comfortable.
“Hi!” Izzy beams as she comes out the front door to welcome us, her dog trotting along behind her with her tail wagging. She still makes me nervous, but I can see she means no harm. She reminds me of Stanley – a gentle beast who only seeks love and affection.
“Hi, Izzy,” Lou says cautiously, “I think Niamh might need a glass of water, she’s not feeling too good.”
“Oh,” she replies, her smile dropping as soon as she sees me. She walks slowly up to me and reaches her hand out to my shoulder, as though I’m a nervous dog that needs time to assess her before she offers anything more. “Niamh, why don’t you come inside and get a drink? You can sit with Stella.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” I tell her, “I’m still not sure about dogs.”
“We’ll take it slowly,” she says calmly, “she’s a therapy dog; I promise she won’t hurt you and you might find she settles your anxiety. I can put her on the leash if that makes you feel better?”
“O-ok,” I reply, not feeling at all convinced, but I think I need to try whatever I can to soothe my frazzled nerves.
Izzy leads us all through her beautiful house until we hit their tranquil backyard, which is full of bright, colorful flowers, palm trees, and other tropical-looking plants. I take a seat in a small chair that sits beside a table that’s already been set up with drinks and snacks. A picnic blanket is laid out beside it. It’s obvious this is where Izzy has been sitting with Stella because she has a few books lying on top of it, together with a few squeaky toys for the dog.
“I love your garden, Izzy,” Lou gasps, “I always feel so calm here.”
“Theo hired a landscape gardener for just that reason. I was skeptical at first, but I must admit, it is our little haven. You can’t beat a little vitamin D to try and brighten your mood.”
She pours me a drink, then brings Stella over to have a sniff. I hold out my hand for her to explore before she makes herself comfortable and places her head on top of my lap with a contented sigh. At first, I lift my hands far away and with a fluttering of nerves inside my chest. I then look at Izzy who simply smiles before pouring a drink for Lou.
“So, I guess I should let you know,” she begins, “Theo and I are expecting a little girl in the autumn.”
“Oh my God!” Lou squeals with excitement as she gets up to give her friend a big hug. “Congratulations!”
“Yeah, it’s taken us a while of trying, which was like, such a chore,” she giggles over her sarcasm, “but we found out a couple of months ago. Baby girl is doing well and has happily started kicking.”
“Wow, what’s that feel like?” Lou asks.
“Like butterflies fluttering about low in your stomach.”
“I bet Theo’s over the moon, he’s wanted a baby with you for so long,” Lou says with a huge smile on her face. I hope I can smile like that one day; I know it won’t happen until Warren is back home with me.
“He is but he’s seriously fussing over me,” she says with a roll of her eyes.
As they talk away about babies, pregnancy, and nurseries, I look down to see that I’ve begun stroking Stella’s soft head. She looks like she’s smiling, the sight of which has me smiling with her. Izzy’s right - I do feel better. In fact, I reach further down her neck to rub behind her ears.
“You feeling ok there, Niamh?” Izzy asks with a smile on her face, knowing I’d eventually succumb to this dog’s ability to make me feel better.
“She feels like a teddy bear,” I reply, “I almost want to cuddle her.”
“Why do you think I choose to sit on the blanket?” Izzy says, patting it with her hand so Stella moves to lie down with her. “Here, come and sit with her. She’ll let you cuddle her properly.”
Still feeling a little reticent, I gradually slip down onto the soft blanket and begin to pat Stella’s back. Izzy eventually moves away while I slip myself further around Stella. She just lies there and lets me manipulate her into any shape I want. When we’re both finally comfortable, I begin to smile over the feeling of safety and love I feel from this dog.
“Hey, Lou, do you still want to borrow the purple dress? I have it upstairs, come see. You may as well have a good rummage. I won’t be wearing them for a while.”
“Oh, great, yeah,” Lou replies as she gets to her feet. “Niamh, do you wanna come or would you prefer to stick with Stella down here?”
“Would it be ok to stay with Stella?” I ask and they both smile at one another, pleased to have had their plan work.
“See you in a bit,” Izzy says, “we’re just upstairs if you need us.”
I smile as I watch them leave, reveling in a feeling of normalcy I haven’t felt with anyone apart from Warren. Stella has completely flopped over my outstretched legs and is enjoying the cuddles I’m giving.