Page 71 of Masquerade Mistake
I bite back my smile, the memory broadsiding me in the midst of my regrets.
“Secondly, Finn will never love anyone more than he loves you,” Maren continues. “That kid adores you, even if he doesn’t always show it. Trust me, he’ll probably spend the whole night talking about you.”
“You think?”
“I know. On the nights you were out with Ethan, Finn started almost every sentence with ‘My mom said’ this and ‘My mom does’ that. The kid thinks you hung the moon, so don’t you worry about the stars he has in his eyes for Ethan.”
It’s what I needed to hear, and her words stay with me even when Finn calls me a few hours later, obviously unfazed by my not being there. He’s only on the phone for a few minutes before he hands it to Ethan to watch TV.
“Not too much TV,” I warn, and he laughs before telling me to stop being a mom. “It’s not something I can turn off,” I say, but I feel better now that I’ve talked with my son.
I only stop once on the way to San Francisco, filling up my gas tank before buying a sandwich from a nearby deli. I reach San Francisco by early evening, then let my GPS guide me through the maze of streets until I find Cass’s apartment. She’d called me back on the drive, and when she found out I was going to try and find a motel, she insisted I stay with her.
Cass is on the sidewalk when I pull up. She gets in the passenger side so she can instruct me toward a parking spot a block away.
“I’ve already paid for it with Spot Hero,” she says, holding up her phone. “It’s the least I can do for your trouble.”
“There shouldn’t have been any trouble,” I mutter, but her enthusiasm is contagious. Soon we’re at her kitchen table, killing a bottle of wine between us as we gab about our favorite book boyfriends and the movies that were actually better than the book. Maren isn’t much of a reader, and after the By the Bay book fiasco, it’s no joke that Ethan isn’t either. So it’s a relief to know someone as passionate about books as I am.
Finn calls me in the midst of this, just before he’s going to bed. He tells me that Ethan bought him the first Warriors book—a series about a clan of feral cats—and already read him the first chapter. He obviously loves it, and I can’t help feeling a little jealous. I know it’s a lot more grown up than Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, and I regret not being the one to introduce him to it first.
“When you get back, can we finish Mrs. Piggle Wiggle?” he asks then.
“What about Warriors?” I ask.
“We can read that too, maybe when Ethan comes over. But Mrs. Piggle Wiggle is ours.”
I hang up even more reassured. Funny how a six-year-old can do that.
The next day, I help Cass deliver the different swag packages to the right author tables. My plan had been to leave just before the Expo started, but Cass slipped a VIP pass around my neck and convinced me to stay for a few hours.
This means, for the third day in a row, I won’t be home for Finn when he gets home from school. But when I talk with Ethan, he encourages me to take my time.
“Finn and I had a blast last night, and I already promised him burritos for dinner if I’m still here,” he says.
I cringe, sure that Finn’s growth will be stunted by all the junk food he’s had the past few days.
“Does he even miss me?” I can’t help asking it, even if it’s a pathetic question.
“He does,” Ethan says. “He talked about you all night and wouldn’t even let me open the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle book on his dresser, which is why I needed to buy him a book for just us.”
“He said we get to read it together when I’m back,” I laugh.
“I’d like that,” he says, and it’s so full of feeling, I can’t help thinking about what our future will look like once I’m back in town.
The rest of the morning is spent helping Cass keep the authors happy with food and water, plus visiting a few of the authors I only know by email. I’ve never actually been to a Book Expo, and seeing the looks on readers’ faces when they talk with their favorite authors is like nothing else. I realize the bubble I’ve been in since learning I was pregnant with Finn, and I make a vow to attend the Book Expo for real one day.
But not this year. I leave by noon, after lots of goodbyes with many new friends, and a huge hug from Cass who promises me a free pass and a couch to sleep on next year. I take her up on it.
The drive home takes forever, but only because I miss Finn so much. Ethan too. I’m also nervous, because I know that once I get back, we’re going to have to discuss how to tell Finn the truth. It’s time, and I know it. I’m not sure if Ethan and I have a future. I hope we do, but I can’t count on it. What I can count on is the fact that he takes fatherhood seriously and won’t let Finn down. Regardless of where Ethan and I land, he will be in our lives forever as Finn’s father.
I pull up to my house as the sun is setting, noting that Ethan’s car isn’t there. I start to text him that I’m home, but he pulls up behind me. I get out of the car, my smile wide as I see a grinning Finn leaning forward from the backseat. Ethan turns to him to say something, and I see Finn’s smile falter and his eyes lower. I start to walk over, but Ethan gets out, handing Finn the bags of food and the house keys.
“You know how to use these, right? Take these inside, and we’ll be right behind you.”
My mind is racing at what’s going on, especially as Finn avoids my face when he walks up to the house.
“Can I help with your bags?” Ethan asks. I shake my head, pulling my duffel bag from the backseat, an uneasy feeling washing over me as I take in the serious look on his face.