Page 70 of Masquerade Mistake
For a brief moment, I wish I’d never met Ethan at all. My life would be back to predictable, and I wouldn’t have to worry about losing Finn. But when I look into Ethan’s eyes, I realize how unfair I’m being. I nod, looking down, then yelp when he jumps up and swings me around the room.
“You won’t regret this,” he says, and kisses me full on the mouth. I smile against him, pressing on his chest so I can catch my breath.
“I just have one request,” I say. “Well, several. But one big one.”
“Anything.”
A burst of emotion wells up inside me, and I bat it away. He’s so enthusiastic about this. Meanwhile, I feel defeated.
“Can you stay here instead of at your house? At least for now? It’s just that I won’t be able to prepare him for staying at your house, and…” I wipe at my eyes, “I know I’m being ridiculous, but it will make me feel better knowing he’s in a familiar place.”
“I can stay here,” he agrees, folding me into a hug. I lean my head on his chest, closing my eyes. “I think that’s a great idea anyway,” he continues. “I can call out of work and…”
“Oh God, your job!” I lift my head up, peering into his face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think.”
“It’s fine, Claire, really. There are plenty of bartenders looking to pick up a shift or two. It’s no big deal.”
As I pack, I go over the list of important details, including contact information for Finn’s doctor and dentist, phone numbers for Maren and my neighbor, the books he likes to be read, all the immunizations he’s had so far, and his blood type. If I’m being over the top—and I know I am—Ethan says nothing. He simply types it all into a note on his phone.
I call Cass to tell her what happened with the packages, but only get her voicemail. In a rushed message, I explain the mix up and how I’m fixing it. Then I load up my car with Ethan’s help.
“Have Finn call me as soon as he gets home,” I say, taking my house key off the ring and handing it to him, “and before he goes to bed.”
“We’ll be okay,” Ethan says. “Finn will be fine.”
I’m trying to believe that myself, but I can’t help feeling like I’m abandoning my son. And then there’s the other thing…
“Please don’t tell him you’re his father.”
He’s silent for a moment, but then nods. I can see the unease on his face though, and I realize I have to let go at some point.
“Not yet,” I say. “Let’s plan it for when I come home, okay?”
He nods again, but a small smile works its way to his mouth.
“I’ll wait. I promise,” he says. He wraps his arms around me, pressing his mouth against the top of my head as he holds me close. “I’ll miss you.”
I relax in his arms in that moment. Everything between us has shifted. We’re in this together. It’s time I let him in completely.
“I’ll miss you too,” I say. “Have a wonderful time with your son.”
He grins at this, and I know they’re the right words. They feel right.
“Drive safe, my love,” he says, then kisses me sweetly. It makes it hard to leave, but I know I need to go if I plan on reaching San Francisco at a decent hour. I watch him from my rearview mirror, waving until I can’t see him anymore.
Then, I’m on my way.
Even though I knew Finn is in good hands, I can’t help the thoughts ping-ponging through my head as I drive. Will Finn feel like I abandoned him? He hasn’t seen me since yesterday morning, thanks to my drunken night, and now he’s coming home not expecting Ethan. I’m not going to disrupt him at school with the news, but I go back and forth on whether this is the right decision.
“Of course it’s the right decision,” Maren says through my car speakers. I called her once I’d been on the road for an hour, unable to stand my own thoughts.
“He’s going to hate me,” I moan.
“Are you kidding? You should have seen him with Ethan last night. That kid was eating up everything your boyfriend handed him. He’s going to be thrilled when he finds out Ethan is there and you’re not.”
“That’s worse!” I say, which only makes her laugh. “It’s not funny. If he ends up liking Ethan more than he likes me, I’m never going to forgive you. I never should have started dating.”
“Right,” she says, still laughing, “and I’m sure you felt that way while you and Ethan were making up this morning.”