Page 49 of Empower

“When the man who bought me took me to his home I walked in through the grand entrance, I saw all kinds of boys who were laughing and smiling, it looked great. I was then led to a massive dining room table where over fifty chairs were set. I was given plate after plate after plate after plate. I ate until I literally felt like I was about to burst.” I chuckled at that memory, the only good memory I had.

“After dinner was done, I noticed a lot of the boys with their shoulders down walking down a hall off of the dining room, but I didn’t place two and two together until a little later,” I said, tagging my mug, took a sip, placed it back on the coffee table and then locked my eyes back on that brick.

“I was bathed by an older woman who didn’t speak. Everything was cleaned. And I mean everything. I was put into the softest pajamas I had ever felt.” I swallowed.

“The man who bought me, his name was Bernard. He met me outside of the bathroom, took my hand and we walked down a long hall. When he opened the door, I saw the biggest bedroom I had ever seen. I was laid down and covered up by that man and fell asleep.”

Before I started, what I needed to say next, Lena moved closer, fitting her body tightly against my side.

Feeling her warmth, I continued, “The next morning I woke up to whispers though I couldn’t make them out. I headed out of the bedroom and headed to the dining room, not really knowing what I was supposed to be doing. While I was walking to the dining room, I saw a little boy who looked about my size, he didn’t have any clothes on, and he had men surrounding him. Before I could head over there and see what was going on another boy walked up to me and told me I needed to keep my head down and keep walking. When I noticed that was what the others were doing, I quickly followed suit.”

I swallowed, hard, the shame of not doing anything still ate at me, “I should have done something then. But what was a six-year-old little boy supposed to do when he didn’t understand anything that was going on?”

Lena didn’t answer, just stayed silent.

“After I ate breakfast, I was then led to another bedroom. While I was taking it all in, the man walked in and locked the door. I asked him why I was brought into this room, he said that it was time for me to begin earning my keep. I thought I was supposed to do yard work or even some housework, but I never imagined what I was about to be doing.”

I could tell that she knew where this story was going, because I felt her entire body tense, her breaths became pants. But I still didn’t look at her.

My tone was detached, my eyes on the white painted brick, I said, “I was grabbed, duct tape thrown over my mouth, my hands bound behind my back, then I was stripped, all my clothes were torn off.” I took another moment and had some of my hot chocolate.

“The next thing I know the man was on top of me. I thrashed and fought as hard as I could, but I was no match for him. I had tears streaming down my face and my mouth was full of vomit that I couldn’t spit out but had to swallow it back down. My ass was so fucking sore and unimaginably painful.”

The next words clogged in my throat, but I needed to finish the rest of the story. I chanced over and saw a tear leak out of her eye. I reached a finger over and wiped it away. Then I continued.

“After he was through, hours must have passed because it was dark outside. He tore the tape off my mouth, and I puked everywhere. He got dressed and left the room, then in came the same older woman. She carried me out of there and gave me a bath, some water, and some medicine.”

I took in a couple of breaths.

“I cried myself to sleep that night. I remembered thinking, what had I done to deserve this? What had I done that was so wrong that I would have to endure this kind of pain? The next morning, I woke up, it was to other men in my room.”

I closed my eyes as the memories assaulted me, at times I still felt the pain. Still felt violated.

I swallowed again, “This went on and on for almost six months. I learned the time because believe it or fucking not, the man had tutors that came in and taught us things like you learned at school.”

“I thought about running away. So many goddamned times. But after I saw three boys who tried to climb over the wall were gunned down, and one boy hung himself to get out of it.” I didn’t blame him. Not one fucking bit.

“I knew then that the only way I could get out of there was to kill the man, so one morning I snuck into the kitchen and found the sharpest knife I could. Luckily a shift change was occurring.”

“I crept into his room, as quietly as I could, and when I saw him lying in his bed with a boy at his side who was handcuffed to the bed. The boy had to be a year or so older than I was. A resigned look was on his face, and as long as I live, I’ll never forget it.”

“He saw me, saw the knife in my hand and nodded.” Lena’s body was shaking at my side, her tears soaking in my shirt.

“I crawled up the bed as carefully as I could, and while I was doing that, I didn’t notice the other boys following me. Not until as soon as I readied the knife, they all pounced on him to hold him down and I plunged that knife right into his heart.”

“Everything else after that is a blur. The guards fled when they saw he was dead. Cops were called, and child protective services were called. Men were identified. Charged. Sentenced.”

“I was placed in the system, and thankfully, I can say that I was given to a nice couple. He was a veteran. The stories he told me made me want to grow up and be strong. So strong that I could be the one to fight. So that’s why we rescue women and kids who are sexually assaulted, abused, and neglected. Somedays it feels as though I made up for not doing anything sooner. And other days...”

“It feels as though you're still stuck in that mansion?” She asked softly, her words breaking on every word.

I nodded, then closed my eyes, leaned back, rested my head on the back of her couch, and waited. The ball was in her court.

If she still wanted me after I went through all of that, then I would forever be hers, far beyond the moment I take my last breath.

I wasn’t sure what she was going to say or do but what she did next assured me that she was mine.

She let go of my hand, leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. Her next words whispered in my ear were my undoing.