Page 72 of Won't Back Down
“You’re not a psychological professional. Why would you have any idea what ‘normal’ trauma even looks like?”
“I… there are things I’ve seen in my work that I can’t talk about. But I’m saying that whatever you went through in that hospital was not normal.”
I’d known that. Deep down, I’d always known that. I’d known it as it was happening. But in the aftermath, my only motivation had been to get as far away as possible. And I had. I wasn’t eager to drag any of this back up again. “Maybe you’re right. But this is me. This is my life, for better or worse. What would a potential malpractice suit get me? I’ll still be damaged.”
Jace’s eyes flashed. “You’re not damaged.”
“I’m not weak. There’s a difference.”
“If this doctor did this shit to you, God knows what he might have been doing to others since then. Maybe someone should dig into it,” Bree suggested.
The idea that others would be trapped and effectively tortured the way I was made me physically ill.
“If that’s the case, then absolutely, he needs to be stopped. But I don’t want anything to do with it. I don’t ever want to see him again.”
“Nobody’s gonna make you, Wren.” Sawyer pivoted toward me, caging me into the shelter of his arms. “But you can’t just spend the rest of your life running from this. Because you are. You came back here—fought tooth and nail to build something for yourself—but you haven’t fully taken back the island. In a sense, you’re still trapped by your own fears. I’m not saying those fears aren’t a hundred percent justified. But something happened to you. Something’s been happening to you since we found that body. And we’re all wondering if it could be connected.”
“What are you talking about?”
He took a breath. “We found those remains about a mile north of Osprey Beach. Not far from where I pulled you out all those years ago. Is it possible that you left the party that night with Gwen? That something could’ve happened to both of you? That being in that area started to trigger something?”
I let my mind drift in that direction and hit the blank wall again. “I don’t… know. I can’t see.”
Gabi laid a hand on my shoulder. “I think you should talk to someone.”
I jerked away. “Absolutely not.” Even the idea of it had the grilled cheese sandwiches threatening to come back up.
“Honey, I get you went through a horrific experience, but not all psychological professionals are like that. And if it can get you some relief?—”
“No. I don’t want to do anything else to stir up the hornet’s nest. I just want to get back to my life. This—all of this—it’s too much.” I hated admitting it. It felt so much like the weakness I wanted to overcome.
Wary, I glanced up. No one was looking at me like I was crazy. That was something. But I hated the expressions of pity and frustration scattered around the table.
Jace lifted his hands. “Okay. We’ll let you be. I’ll do my digging and keep you out of it.”
“Thank you.”
He pushed to his feet. “I’ve got to get going or I’ll miss my flight, and my commanding officer will have my ass.”
“Guess we’re headed out, too.” Daniel rose, and so did Gabi.
Because I didn’t know when I’d see him again, I stood to give my brother one last hug.
He squeezed me tight. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when I should’ve been. It won’t happen again.”
That felt like an impossible promise. And either way, I wasn’t his responsibility. But sensing he needed this, I squeezed him back. “Stay safe, hear me?”
“Promise. I hope to make it home for Christmas if I can. It’ll be good to have it back on-island.”
I instantly flashed back to the best Christmases of our childhood, held right here at Sutter House. “Well, that’s absolutely something to look forward to.”
Gabi hesitated. “We’ll see you at girls’ night?”
“Absolutely. I need some normal, and that sounds fabulous.”
With a flurry of more hugs and goodbyes, they were gone.
Bree gathered up her pooch. “Come on by the Brewhouse when you’re ready. I miss seeing your face all the time.”