Page 4 of Unholy Matrimony
My father, while he said he loved Mama, moved on rather quickly and a barrage of new women claiming they were my Mama now came into my life. They never stuck around. Father would use them up, beat them when he’d get drunk, sober up, and kick them to the curb. Then start the cycle all over again. I started working for my father at seventeen despite Fr. Ireni trying to persuade me to finish school. What could I say? I knew the life, and I was already so good at being bad. I had already lost my Mama; I had nothing else.
I started coming back here right after my twenty-fourth birthday. I had a dream about Mama and she told me I would find what I was looking for here if I came back. So, I listened. The very first service back, I saw her. Kalina was standing towards the front on the women’s side, her little sister Raisa next to her. She was so beautiful that I couldn't stop looking at her, even though I knew I shouldn't. I watched her as she would sing along with the hymns when she would cross herself, and when she did her prostrations. Lord have mercy, watching her bend down for prostrations, imagining I am kneeling behind her. Gliding my hands down her bare back. Taking her from behind. Hearing her call out my name instead of God’s.
Naturally, I became a regular again, just so I could see her. Never approaching, but always watching. I knew she would never really notice me. Her eyes always faced forward. She was almost monastic in the way she never spoke to any man besides her Papa, Father. Ireni, and the Deacons. I worried she would try to take monastic vows to become a nun. I started bringing her up to my father in conversation. Especially since he started noticing I wasn’t sleeping around anymore.
No more random women leaving the house at all hours. My father kept joking that I was going to become a priest if I kept it up. I have fallen too far from God’s grace for that ever to happen. Not to mention the constant state of my thoughts about Kalina, which keeps me in confession weekly. I should probably go every day, but I would more than likely start annoying Father. Ireni!
Lina approached the stand where informational pamphlets and candles were being sold in the Narthex and started fumbling with her tiny bag to pull out some money. I reached into my wallet and handed her a few bills. “Grab one for me, malyshka11. Lord knows I can use all the prayers I can get.” I winked at her and went to go to my Mama’s favorite icon to pray for her. After I finished praying, I walked toward the doors and saw Lina waiting, hoping her parents and sister would be here soon. She was antsy. Hopefully, they will be here soon, so she will relax a bit before the service starts.
I look out the door. Oleg and Ilya are walking up the steps, and right behind them is Lina’s family. The twins nod my way and head into the Nave. I look at Lina and her family and motion for them to come inside. We all walk down towards the front and go to our respective sides. Her Papa and I stand next to each other, Oleg and Ilya behind us. I look over to the women’s side and see Lina standing in between her Mama and sister. Her attention is solely on the Liturgy now. I try my best to stay focused, but my eyes wander to her every few minutes.
As if she can feel me, this time she looks over at me. I give her a coy smile and her face flushes that rosy color I love so much. I love the way I affect her. She may hate me now, but soon she won’t be able to live without me. She will be mine in every way possible. As I stand next to her Papa in the church, I am imagining all the way I will have her. My mama would be so disappointed in me.
I snap out of my depraved thoughts just as the priest comes out for his homily. Knowing my father has already spoken with Father Ireni, this was going to be a short word about marriage rather than the blessing of our engagement.
Father Ireni clears his throat. “Good Strength! Getting prepared for the Lenten season is always a trying time for some. But today we have something wonderful to celebrate! Marriage reveals the Kingdom of Heaven to the world through the couple and their life together.”
“Through the children, they bring to the church their love for one another. Today I will give a blessing to Leonid Borisovich Igorov and Kalina Nikolova, on their wishes to marry!” Someone, somewhere in the Nave, gasped. Oleg snorted from behind me. I turned to look at him with a raised brow.
Father Ireni motioned for us to come forward. I looked over at her and made my way to the aisle. Meeting her, we walked up side by side and stood before him. As he gave the blessing, I snuck a peek at her face. Now I was expecting a wall of stone, but it surprised me to see a slight smile. Part of me wants to believe that it’s not a fake smile but I know that’s what it must be. I turn back to Fr. Ireni, kiss his outstretched hand, and turn to start back to my spot. When we are both back to our previous places, Fr. Ireni delivers the next bit of news. “Now, typically weddings are not permitted during a fast, but I have given special dispensation. Leonid and Kalina will be married on Friday. All are welcome to attend!”
Now that is a surprise. One I was not expecting.
The looks coming from the Nikolova women were undoubtedly a telling sight! I’ll admit I wasn’t expecting it to be this soon, and I wonder how much my father had to pay to get Fr. Ireni to agree to this. Fuck! How are we going to plan a whole Orthodox wedding in a week? Can you even get a dress in a week? I guess that’s more of a question for Lina. That’s even if we make it to Friday. Lina is giving me a death glare… but she’s too pretty for it to be scary.
Let's hope the Pakhan has thought this through making it so soon because I don’t see how it can be done.
1. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, the most delicate flower. I can't wait to see how you blossom under my touch
2. Oh Shit!
3. Tsk Tsk Tsk
4. I'm sorry!
5. My beautiful flower
6. Will you be my good girl, baby?
7. What?
8. My beautiful flower.
9. Daddy
10. Flower
11. Baby
Chapter three
Kalina
After Liturgy, everyone makes their way to the hall to have coffee. I see my parents and sister talking with Father. Ireni. Papa is looking visibly distressed at what is being said. My sister and I lock eyes and she beckons me to come over. I shake my head. My thoughts are heavy and I need an escape. I turn and head towards the back door of the church, to the garden. In the garden there is an icon of Saint Peter and Fevronia, they are who you pray to for strength in your marriage.
Better get a start now, maybe they can intercede so I don’t kill Lenya! What was he thinking being married during Lent and this coming Friday at that? Weddings during Lent don’t happen, and weddings on Fridays don't happen. I already feel like my life is going to be in a constant state of praying for forgiveness because of him.
As I am finishing up my prayer, I feel his presence. “It’s very rude to sneak up on a person praying,” I say, crossing myself.