Page 17 of Say You'll Stay
In the days that follow, Louis takes me under his wing, his home a sanctuary in the storm. The way he knows exactly how much space to give; Or how to distract me from my silent spirals.
I can’t help but love how the quiet strength of Louis’s reassurance is a beautiful reminder that, I’m not as adrift as I feel.
Yet, even in this newfound safety, the shadows of my past refuse to relinquish their grip. As I sit at Louis’s kitchen table, the soft light casting a warm glow over the tidy space, I sense the weight of his unspoken thoughts, the tension that seems to cling to him like a second skin.
I feel like it’s my turn to be my friend’s anchor, and I can’t help but pry. “I kind of heard you arguing earlier. Are you okay?”
Finally, he looks up, his eyes glistening with unshed tears as they meet mine. The usual vibrancy in his gaze is dimmed, replaced by a heaviness that seems to drag him down.
“Cara,” he begins, his voice a hoarse whisper laced with the tremor of barely contained emotion, “there’s something I need to tell you.”
My heart stutters in my chest as I lean in, dread and concern coiling around my ribs like a vice. “What is it, Lou?” I ask softly, reaching out to cover his hand with my own.
He takes a shuddering breath, his fingers tightening almost convulsively around his mug.
For a long, charged moment, the silence stretches between us, pregnant with the weight of his unspoken words. Then, finally, he utters the confession that he probably thinks will irrevocably change the course of our friendship.
“I’m gay.”
The words seem to steal the very air from the room, their simple truth crashing down upon me with the force of a tidal wave… But it’s not his sexuality, that’s the issue.
It’s because I see the shame etched into the tense lines of his body, the fear dimming his bright in eyes that have always been windows to Louis’ beautiful soul.
Without hesitation, I grasp his hands, holding them firmly between my own. “Hey, look at me,” I murmur, waiting until he meets my gaze. “Louis, I love you, no matter what. You’re my best friend, and nothing could ever change that.”
A single tear slips down his cheek as his face crumples in anguish.
“My family…” he chokes out, each word laced with the pain of rejection. “When I told them, they…they said they never wanted to see me again. That I…disgust them.”
The words are a physical blow, stealing the breath from my lungs. This man, this generous and loving soul who has been my anchor through every storm, has faced such cruel abandonment from those who should love him most. White-hot rage and heartbreak war within me, mingling with a profound grief for the pain he has endured.
I slide from my chair, pulling him into the tightest hug I could muster.
“I’m so sorry, Lou,” I murmur, my voice thick with emotion. “You didn’t deserve that. But you have to know, you’ll never be alone again. Me, Sonya, Song…we’re your family now. And we love you, all of you, no matter what.”
His arms tighten around me, and a sob wrenches free from his trembling form. I hold him close, whispering words of comfort and reassurance, my own tears slipping silently down my cheeks.
Louis is my closest friend, one of the few people I truly trust…and I’ll be damned if I let anyone make him feel like anything less than the precious, irreplaceable soul that he is. In that moment, as I cradle him in my arms, I know with unwavering certainty that I will fight tooth and nail to protect him, to shield him from the cruel judgments of this world.
And right there, I make a vow to myself to never let him feel so alone, so unloved again.
The sound of my phone buzzing shatters the heavy silence, and I pull back to see a text from Sonya - a summons to a mandatory family dinner. I can’t help the laugh that bubbles up, the tension in the room dissipating like mist in the sun.
“Looks like we’ve got a family dinner tonight. Mandatory attendance,” I tell Louis, showing him the message. His own laughter, bright and genuine, is a balm to my battered psyche.
I feel lighter than I have in days. Yes, there are still shadows lurking in the corners of my life - an ominous note, a heart torn between past and present - but for the first time in months, I feel truly free.
Free from fear, free from doubt, free from the suffocating grip of an unseen force.
The weight of the past few weeks presses down on me as we stand outside the familiar duplex, the childhood home that has always been my safe haven. And yet, as I cross the threshold, I’m struck by a newfound vulnerability, a sense of being mentally and emotionally compromised that I can’t seem to shake.
But I can’t let my family see the depths of my struggles - can’t let Louis know that his attempts to buoy me have fallen short against the relentless tide of paranoia and dread. So, I step into the warmth of their embrace, the laughter, the chatter, it all fills me with a profound sense of belonging, a reminder that no matter what life throws my way, I have people who care, a safe harbor in the storm.
For a moment, it works - I’m swept up in the comfort of family, my anchors in this turbulent sea. But even as I try to lose myself in the familiar rhythms of home, I can feel the weight of their curious gazes, the unspoken questions lingering in the air.
My family gathers around the dinner table, the conversation flows around me, but I find my thoughts consumed by the events of the past few weeks. The glitches, the notes, the constant, nagging sensation of being followed - they all swirl in my mind, a whirlpool of fear and growing anxiety.
“Earth to Cara,” Sonya teases, waving a hand in front of my face. “Where’d you go just now?”