Page 43 of Say You'll Stay
And I will fight for her, bleed for her, die for her if that’s what it takes to keep her by my side, now and forever.
Because in the end, that’s the only truth that matters. She is mine, and I am hers, and together, we will stand against the world and all its petty cruelties.
A love like ours, fierce and primal and all-consuming - it’s the stuff of legends, of myths and fairy tales.
And I will be damned if I let anyone or anything stand in the way of our happily ever after.
As the night wraps around us, I let myself sink into the warmth of her body, the steady rise and fall of her breathing a soothing metronome against my chest.
And for the first time in longer than I can remember, I feel something that might almost be mistaken for peace settling into the fractured crevices of my soul.
Because she is here, in my arms, where she was always meant to be; what it means to be truly, madly, irrevocably in love.
For I am lost, willingly and completely, in the obsession of her.
I jolt awake, heart pounding and skin slick with sweat. Instinctively, I reach for Cara, craving the reassurance of her warmth, but my fingers grasp only cold, empty sheets. Panic slices through me like a blade, and I bolt upright, eyes frantically scanning the room.
No. No, no, no. She can’t be gone. Not after everything we shared, the promises whispered in the dark.
But the signs of her absence are undeniable. Her clothes, haphazardly discarded in the heat of our passion, are nowhere to be seen. The air is stale, devoid of her intoxicating scent. The only trace of her presence is the lingering indent on the pillow beside me.
A bitter laugh escapes my lips, as the reality of my actions crashes over me.
What the fuck was I thinking? Ambushing Cara like that, following her to San Diego, into her bed, - I had no right.This isn’t the casual, no-strings arrangement she requested - I can never be just some faceless fuck buddy to her.
No, I want it all. I crave my sweet Cara Mia beneath me, quaking with pleasure night after night, for the rest of my wretched days.
The plan takes shape, twisted and intricate. I’ll prove myself worthy, show the depths of my devotion. I’ll become the man she deserves, then sweep her off her feet, reclaim her as my own once more.
It’s a deranged, delusional scheme - I know that, deep down. But the alternative, living without Cara…that’s a fate worse than eternal torment. I can’t let her go.
God damn my wretched soul for all eternity, but I’ll have her. I’ll make Cara Mia mine, my wife, before she even realizes what’s happened.
Stumbling out of bed, I pace the room like a caged animal, my mind spinning with regret and recrimination. I have to find her. I need to fix this, fix us.
But before I can execute my plan, the phone trills, breaking the oppressive silence. Judith’s name flashes on the screen, and my stomach drops.
Shit.
The memory of our last conversation, of the hurt and disappointment in her voice, twists like a knife in my gut. Bracing myself, I answer, my voice rough with unshed emotion. “Jude, I—”
“Save it, June,” she cuts me off, her tone sharper than I’ve ever heard it. “I don’t want to hear any more excuses or empty promises.”
I flinch, each word a lash against my fractured psyche. “I’m sorry,” I rasp out, the inadequacy of the apology bitter on my tongue. “God, Jude, I’m so fucking sorry.”
“You should be,” she snaps, fury and hurt bleeding through the static. “Do you have any idea the mess you’ve left in your wake?”
I close my eyes, forcing down the lump in my throat. “Jude, I… I’m sorry. For everything. I’ve been so lost, so caught up in my own bullshit, and I’ve hurt you in the process.”
A long pause, punctuated by a weary sigh. “Yeah, you have. But that’s not the only reason I’m pissed, June. Mom’s on a warpath. Apparently, you said something to Amethyst that has her in tears. What the hell were you thinking?”
Shame crashes over me in nauseating waves as the memory of my cruelty, my unhinged cruelty, plays in vivid technicolor. The vicious words I spewed, the utter lack of control or compassion. I squeeze my eyes shut, bile rising in my throat.
“I’ll fix it,” I manage, the words sticking in my throat. “I’ll make things right, Jude, I swear. With you, with Mom, with Amethyst. I just… I need to find Cara first.”
“No, June,” Judith cuts in, her voice brooking no argument. “What you need is to get your shit together and stop running after a woman who clearly wants nothing to do with you.”
The harsh truth of her words feels like a sucker-punch to the gut, stealing the breath from my lungs. Because she’s right. My relentless pursuit of Cara, my inability to respect her wishes, her boundaries, is the root of this whole twisted mess.