Page 44 of Say You'll Stay
“You’re right,” I admit, the confession scraping my throat raw. “I’ve been selfish, obsessive, toxic. But Jude… I love her. So fucking much. And I don’t know how to stop.”
There’s a long pause, heavy with unspoken emotion. When Judith speaks again, her voice is softer, laced with an aching mix of sympathy and resignation. “I know, Junie. But your love… it’s poisoned right now. It’s consuming you, making you someone neither of us recognizes.”
Tears burn my eyes, blurring the room into a haze of muted colors. “I don’t know how to fix it,” I confess, my voice breaking. “How to be the man she deserves, the brother you need me to be.”
There’s a long, weighted silence, and I can practically hear the gears turning in Judith’s mind. “I want to believe you, June. I really do. But you’ve got a long road ahead of you, and it starts with getting your shit together and respecting Cara’s choices, even if they don’t involve you.”
I nod, forgetting for a moment that she can’t see me. “I will,” I promise, the words heavy with resolve. “I’ll do whatever it takes, Jude. I just… I need you to know how sorry I am. For everything.”
She sighs, and I can picture her running a hand through her chestnut waves, a habit she’s had since childhood. “I’m here for you, Junie. Always. But you’ve got to do the work. And that starts with a sincere apology to Amethyst and some serious groveling to get back in Mom’s good graces.”
The thought of facing Amethyst, of owning up to my cruelty, fills me with dread. But it’s a small price to pay for the chance to start making things right.
“Okay,” I agree, my voice rough with emotion. “I’ll talk to Amethyst, and I’ll deal with Mom. But Jude… thank you. For not giving up on me, even when I’ve given you every reason to.”
“That’s what family does, little brother. We fight, we fuck up, but we don’t bail. Now go clean up your messes. And June?”
“Yeah?”
“When you find Cara, and I know you will… be honest with her. Lay yourself bare, even if it’s terrifying…or don’t contact her at all.”
With that, she’s gone, the click of the line echoing like a shot in the sudden stillness. I stare at the phone, my resolve hardening into something solid and immovable.
But first, it’s time to face the music and fury of my mother.
Chapter seventeen
I’m plummeting. Rudely shoved and recklessly free falling as the dreamscape dissolves, and the visceral sensation of being forcibly dropped back into my own body sets every nerve on edge.
My heart thunders against my ribcage, a caged hummingbird desperate for escape. Conspiracy and confusion twist through me like a treacherous vine, made worse by the shadows dancing across the unfamiliar walls in a sinister ballet.
This strange, unsettling landscape brings my paranoia alive, every creak and groan stoking my mounting anxiety.
It takes a moment for the events of the previous night to come flooding back - June’s sudden appearance, our mini fuck fest, the desperate promises whispered in the dark.
Turning, I expect to find him beside me, but the bed is empty. Panic grips my throat, until I make out his silhouette by the window, silver moonlight painting his chiseled features with heavenly highlights.
“June?” My voice breaks from fitful sleep, barely a whisper, but he hears me anyway.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” He moves back to the bed, perching on the edge, his hand finding mine atop the sheets. His skin is cool, as if he’s been standing by that open window for hours, lost in thought.
I shake my head. “What time is it?”
“Just past 3 AM,” he murmurs. “You looked so peaceful, and I didn’t want to leave without telling you goodbye.”
But something in his tone, a distant quality, sets off alarm bells in my head. I sit up, pulling the sheet with me, studying his face in the dimness. “June, why were you here? In San Diego, at my rental?”
He’s silent for a long moment, and I can practically hear the cogs turning in his head, choosing his words carefully. “I needed to see you, Cara. I couldn’t bear the thought of you here, with…” He trails off, but I can fill in the blanks.
With Louis. With anyone else.
Suspicion sinks its claws into my chest, squeezing the air from my lungs. Was he the one stalking me? Following my every move like some twisted guardian angel?
The thought makes my stomach churn, bile rising in my throat. No, I try to reassure myself. June would never do that. He’s intense, possessive even, but he wouldn’t cross that line.
Would he?
June must sense my growing unease, because he suddenly pulls me into his arms, enveloping me in a tight embrace. “Cara, I’m so sorry. I know I shouldn’t have come, but I…I miss you.”