Page 137 of Jesse's Girl
I just need to survive one more night. One more night and Jesse will be gone.
Only through a combination of spatial jiu-jitsu and pure luck did I manage to avoid sitting next to Jesse at the wedding, using Marcus, Renee, and our old friend Adrian as my human buffers.
“You doing alright, Ada?” Adrian whispers from the chair to my left, his voice filtering through the numb buzzing in my skull. With effort, I translate the inscrutable womp womp into English.
“No,” is all I say, but the look I give him invites no further questions.
Over Adrian’s shoulder, Jesse pinches the bridge of his nose. The few glances I’ve stolen today—tiny sips of self-inflicted poison—reveal he’s not faring much better than I am. His eyes look dull and shadowed. Even four chairs down, he’s somehow both too close and too far away from me.
Stop drinking the poison, I remind myself and force my gaze to the happy couple.
Nadine and Kai beam, bathed in the glowing light of the late afternoon sun. A non-denominational officiant gestures in front of them, saying something about love and commitment I can’t really hear—or process.
I turn to my right, hoping nature will ground me in the present.
In another headspace, I could acknowledge the beauty here. It’s the kind of place that should inspire me to paint: the lush gardens, the quaint Tudor-style bed-and-breakfast, and the incredible view of the river from the open cliffside. Even the name is ethereal: Starscape Manor.
Murmurs to my left snag my attention and my stomach drops when I turn to see Jesse leaning close to Marcus, whispering to him and Renee. Roping Adrian in, he gestures for them to shuffle down the row of chairs.
No. Don’t. Please fucking don’t. Shit.
He sinks down beside me and I angle away, arranging my limbs so we don’t accidentally touch. If my leg brushed Jesse’s leg right now, I think I might actually ignite—and not in a sexy way. More in the scorched-earth, my-heart-is-a-charred-ball-of-ash kind of way. And nothing ruins a wedding like a guest torching the venue in the middle of the ceremony.
“Hey,” he whispers. “Can we talk?”
I glance past him to where Marcus is watching us.
“Please.” Jesse’s desperation pulls at me.
“There’s nothing to say,” I whisper.
The woman in front of me glares at us over her shoulder in a silent reminder that we should both shut the fuck up right now.
I cross my arms over my chest and fix my gaze on Nadine and Kai, who are grinning in ways that I’m sure normal humans shouldn’t be capable of. It’s obnoxious.
“Ada,” he whispers again.
Clenching my teeth, I meet his eyes.
“Please,” he mouths.
I don’t respond and return my attention to Kai and Nadine, who are about to read their vows.
Nadine smiles sweetly and pulls a tiny, folded paper from the cleavage of her dress, eliciting titters from the crowd.
Beside me, Jesse sighs and orients himself forward.
Nadine starts. “Kai, you came into my life when I was least expecting it and turned my whole world upside-down.”
I stare down at my lap as she goes on.
“I’ve never been a big believer in fate, but I can’t imagine my life with anyone else—can’t imagine loving anyone else the way I love you.”
An invisible fist clamps down around my heart.
“You’ve always supported me in following my dreams, had my back in every fight, made me laugh, and made me feel beautiful. And you’ve always put up with all my bullshit.” Nadine makes a guilty face. “Sorry, Grandma!” she adds as soft laughter floats up all around us.
In the pause, I risk a glance at Jesse, immediately regretting the way his anguished expression gouges deep in my chest. His gaze holds mine for a torturous second before I force my eyes ahead.