Page 138 of Jesse's Girl
“Kai, I promise to love the man you are and the man you’ll become. I promise to make you laugh and put up with all your bullshit and be your best friend. I love you.” Nadine dabs her tears away and folds the paper, tucking it back into her dress with a sweet little laugh.
I feel a light tap on my chest and look down to see a teardrop soaking into the silky red fabric of my dress. I swipe at my cheeks, determined to get through this with my dignity intact.
Good fucking luck.
“Nadine,” Kai starts, “I’ve been an idiot for a long time.”
Chuckles rise from the crowd.
“But the smartest thing I ever did was take a chance on you. Loving you has opened me up to what I didn’t know was missing from my life.”
In my peripheral vision, Jesse lifts a hand to wipe his face.
Kai continues. “No matter how far we travel, no matter what happens, and no matter where life takes us… you’ll always be my home. And I promise to be yours. I promise to be everything you are to me for the rest of our lives. I love you with all my heart.”
I grip the seat on either side of my thighs and dig my nails in, desperate for any sensation but this.
I barely feel the first tentative brush of Jesse’s hand but, when it finally registers, my eyes close, letting loose twin tears that slip down my cheeks and drip off the slope of my jaw. And then I’m scrambling for his fingers, interlacing them with mine and squeezing hard in the privacy between our garden chairs. I hold onto him, the connection of our hands raw and vulnerable. I open my eyes and keep looking forward, but I feel him watching me—sense his pleading gaze.
I send all the words I don’t have down my arm and into his fingertips, trying to memorize the way his thumb sweeps softly over the back of my hand.
When the happy couple kiss, applause rises to fill my ears, breaking the spell, and I jerk my hand away from Jesse’s. I trust the commotion to drown out the gasping, messy breath that feels like knives against my ribs. When the guests stand to see Nadine and Kai walk arm-in-arm down the aisle, I push past a few vaguely alarmed strangers and head toward the house, intent on finding a bathroom sink to cry over—alone.
I don’t know how I make it through dinner, but I’m sure dissociation plays an unhealthy role. While drinks are being handed around, a small crew works in the fading light to create a dance floor of sorts, rearranging chairs and erecting lighting stands around the expansive lawn. Twinkling fairy lights have been strung through the trees and overhang the bar, and staked lanterns light the periphery of the garden. The whole place glows.
I snag a champagne flute off a passing tray and immediately slam its contents, then covertly scan the crowd for Jesse—intent on clocking his movements so I can stay the fuck away from him for the rest of the night. When darkness finally cloaks the river over the cliffside, I’m grateful; if I keep to the shadows, I can let myself look as miserable as I feel. I’d underestimated how much it would hurt to be near him again.
“There you are!” Renee chirps, plopping down next to me on a chair, slightly winded from dancing. She gives me a sad smile. “You doin’ okay?”
I shrug, worried that speaking will burst the fragile dam holding back my tears.
“Come on,” Renee says, squeezing my hand. “Let’s take a walk.”
We head down a gravel path lined with soft pink strip lighting and descend a small set of stairs to a private garden. Strings of lights drape from posts surrounding an unlit fire pit, the glow illuminating Renee’s golden hair as we sit on the cushioned benches.
She crosses her legs and tugs down the short hem of her shimmering blue dress. “You’re miserable, aren’t you?”
I bark out a wet laugh. “Is it that obvious?”
“I mean… kind of.” That sad smile is pointed at me again.
“I keep telling myself I just have to get through tonight.” I sniff, holding back the tears threatening to spill out. “But I’m not pulling it off, am I?”
“Hey, y’know, being at something like this is hard right after a breakup.”
“But we didn’t break up. We weren’t even… Fuck. Forget it.” I sniff again and shake my head.
“You can talk to me about it, you know.”
I give her a blank look.
“I’m not Marcus!” she says with a swat at my knee. “And I don’t have to tell him anything you don’t want me to.”
“Do you really keep things from him?”
“All the time!”
I raise my eyebrows. “Should I be worried?”