Page 139 of Jesse's Girl

“Oh, God, nothing scandalous like that. Unless you count my secret vibrator.” She giggles. “A girl’s gotta have her secrets.”

I can’t help but laugh. “You have a secret vibrator?”

“Well, he knows about my main one, of course. We?—”

My shoulders tense and I cringe. “You know what? Never mind. I don’t wanna know!”

She puts her hands to her face and covers her mouth. “Sorry!”

We both laugh, and I let loose a theatrical shiver as I try to push away any thoughts of my brother having sex.

“Come on. You gonna get this weight off your chest or what?” she presses.

“Okay.” I sigh. “It wasn’t ever supposed to be more than…”

“Sex?”

I slide my eyes to meet hers. “Yeah.”

“And then it ended up more?”

I press my lips together and nod.

Renee scoots closer and rubs circles on my back, her voice soft. “Does he know how you feel?”

“No.” I shake my head. “It’s better he doesn’t.”

“How do you figure?” she asks.

“It’ll only hurt more. For both of us.”

“Honey, it seems like you’re hurting plenty right now. And he doesn’t look so great either.” She covers my hand with hers, squeezing softly. “Can you talk to him tonight? Before he leaves?”

“What’s the point?” I huff. “He’s on a plane in a few hours. It’s not gonna change anything.”

“The point… is if you keep stuffing down how you feel, it’ll eat you alive. Better to say it, don’t you think? Even if it hurts like hell. Even if it doesn’t change anything.”

“I can’t,” I say, feeling the tears threaten once again. “I can’t tell him and then just watch him leave. Watch him choose somewhere else to be.”

Pascal fucked someone else. Katie moved out. Hell, even my parents always choose my brother.

No one ever chooses me.

Not that Jesse could, really. Not unless he wants to destroy his friendship with Marcus. And I could never live with myself if he gave up his best friend to be with me.

“So you’re not even gonna give him the choice?” Renee asks gently.

“There is no choice,” I reply, looking at the ground. “Besides, getting over someone is hard enough; I don’t need to drag false hope into this mess.”

“Oh, honey.” Renee pulls me into a hug and smooths a hand over my hair. The gesture is almost motherly, and I have to take a deep breath to stop another flood of tears from rolling down my cheeks.

I need to get it together.

Voices from nearby have me pulling away and sniffing. “Thank you.”

“You wanna head back?” Renee asks.

“Probably should.” I try for a brave smile.