Page 56 of The Breakdown

“I don’t know. I guess I’d like to know how you’re feeling. What you’re thinking.”

“I’m not really feeling much of anything.” She swallowed against a painful lump and nearly closed her eyes, knowing she was delivering an awful blow. But it had to be done. For both their sakes.

“Oh.”

“And as for what I’m thinking, I’m thinking it was a mistake. A one-time error in judgment. On both our parts.” I can’t be hurt again, Natalie.

Knowing that Jeanie had been seeing another woman nearly the whole time they’d been together had damn near killed her. How could she have been so stupid? Not seen the signs? Well, there were signs with Natalie. Maybe not signs that she would cheat, but there were red flags, things that could and probably would cause trouble. Her ex-husband for starters. And what if, pray tell, she did up and decide to go back to him? Women in domestic violence patterns often did return to their abusers. And that, if she did it, would shatter Vaughn’s heart so badly she’d probably never recover.

“I see,” Natalie said.

Vaughn looked at her and nearly gasped at the pain she saw in her. She was tearing her heart out and she knew it, yet she kept on, trying to protect her own heart, and delivered the final blow. “We got carried away, swept up in a moment. That’s all. I mean, neither of us is in any position for it to be anything more, right?”

Natalie blinked at her. She withdrew her hands from her pockets and crossed them over her chest, as if they were cold and she had to warm them beneath her arms. “Right,” she said softly.

“It just wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“No, you’re right. It wouldn’t.” But her body language told another story. One of differing feelings and thoughts, but Vaughn didn’t question her. She didn’t want to know. Couldn’t handle hearing. She looked back to Miracle and continued to love on her. Natalie seemed to get the message. She kicked some at the ground with her hiking boot and spoke.

“I better go get those eggs before Diablo gets cranky.”

Vaughn nodded. “Yeah. Good idea.”

“I’ll see you around?”

“Sure.”

Natalie turned and walked away, and Vaughn once again nuzzled Miracle, burying her face in her neck, unable to watch as Natalie disappeared into the awakening dawn.

Chapter Twenty-four

Natalie entered the chicken coop quietly, using a small handheld flashlight that June had given her, and plucked the eggs to place in the basket. Some were still warm in her palm, making her feel grounded, like she was connecting with the earth and her creatures. She walked back to the house, leaving Diablo, who seemed confused as to why she was there so early, behind, sitting on the fence, waiting for the first hint of daybreak to make his morning call.

She turned toward the house, unsure if she should go inside if June wasn’t up yet, but she saw a light coming from the back of the house, so she chose to enter. June wasn’t in the kitchen, much to her relief. She didn’t know if she could face her yet, not with what had just happened with Vaughn. So she tiptoed to the counter and set the basket down like Little Red Riding Hood trying not to wake the wolf. She turned on her heel to head back out, but a voice stopped her.

“Where do you think you’re going without a hello and a good morning?” June said as she flicked on the light and walked into the kitchen, buttoning up her denim shirt. Her usually wild white hair was wet and twisted into a long braid that ran down her shoulder, leaving a damp patch on her shirt. She smelled of honey and lavender, and though her weathered face was pinched in disappointment, Natalie nearly broke down and cried into her arms, needing her strong comfort. But she managed to refrain, swallowing back her tears.

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure if you were awake.”

“Well, now you know. So, good morning to ya.” She grabbed her apron and tied it on, taking a look out the window over the sink. “Still dark as sin out there.”

“It is.”

Natalie stood by the door, wanting to retreat. Wanting to run back to the guesthouse and collapse in tears, the conversation with Vaughn ripping at the chambers of her heart. She willed more tears back, hoping, praying, that June wouldn’t notice.

But June took one quick look at her, then another, and locked onto her face. “What’s wrong with you, child?”

Natalie felt her lips tingle and tremble as she tried like hell to hold her emotions at bay. But Vaughn’s words kept replaying and she analyzed them again and again, noting her cold affect, her distance, her adamancy that they weren’t in a position for anything to blossom between them.

Her breath hitched as she shook her head and tried to speak. June came toward her, arms outstretched. “Aw, come here. Let us have a look-see.” She embraced her and Natalie stiffened, still determined not to break down. But it was no use. June’s embrace was firm, yet soft, her words strong, yet welcoming, and Natalie couldn’t keep her fences up. The floodgates opened wide, and she fell against her and sobbed.

“Shh.” June comforted her, patting her back. “Tell me, what it is, now, huh? Is it your ex-husband? A bad memory?”

Natalie managed to inhale and exhale. “No.”

“Then what is it, child?” She drew back and stared into her, rubbing her rough-feeling thumbs over her cheeks to wipe away the damp.

Natalie shook her head. “Nothing. I—I’m okay.”