Page 120 of Tiny Fractures
“No, honestly,” she reiterates, “this isn’t code for spend the week at Ran’s house. I really mean it. Come stay with me so you’re not all alone,” she says, and laughs when I give her a doubtful look. “Okay, well, maybe if the opportunity arises we can sneak into the boys’ house a couple of times,” she relents, giggling.
Thursday, August 26th
Cat
I don’t hear from Adam again over the next couple of weeks. The radio silence from the police allows me to push any thoughts of Adam, the photographic evidence of my own wrongdoings, and the incident earlier this month out of my mind. Only occasionally do I think of Adam, causing me brief bouts of anxiety—mostly at night or when my phone rings unexpectedly—but the fact that I’m rarely by myself, consistently surrounded by my friends, and of course Ronan, keeps those thoughts at bay.
Instead, I spend the next two weeks—which also happen to be the last two weeks of summer break—soaking up as much time with Ronan as I can between him working, training, and going to hockey practice. I even go watch him at conditioning a handful of times, still in awe of the way he moves on the ice. He moves around at such speeds and so comfortably that it almost seems like he’s walking—well, make that running—on the slippery surface of the rink. It’s fun learning some of the hockey lingo, which honestly is like a whole new language. Most of the time, I have no idea what the coaches mean when they yell at Ronan or the other forwards to “create a lane,” or “build layers on entry,” but it doesn’t matter because it’s still thrilling to watch Ronan play.
We spend most of our time either at my house or at Shane’s, which is fine because about a week and a half ago, Ronan’s mom walked in on Ronan and me and it was awkward beyond words. It really wasn’t anything outrageous; we were just at his place for a few minutes so he could change for work. He had his shirt off and was about to put on his black long-sleeved Murphy’s shirt. We were kissing, my hands on his bare chest, when his mom came up the stairs. Granted, seeing her son without his shirt on, making out with his girlfriend was probably as awkward for her as it was for us, but she stared us down with this icy look, never saying a single word. Ronan pulled his shirt on and then grabbed my hand, leading me out of the house without saying a thing to either me or his mom.
From the few interactions I’ve had with his mom, I can tell they aren’t particularly close. I’d even call the relationship strained, though Ronan doesn’t talk to me about it. He rarely mentions his mom or dad in conversation. It makes me sad for him because I’m so close to my parents. In fact, sometimes my mom is a little overbearing, and Ronan recently made a comment about my mom always hugging me, my siblings, and even him.
“Oh yeah, she’s a hugger,” I laughed. “And a kisser if you let her. My parents are super affectionate,” I explained to him after my mom once again gave Ronan the biggest squeeze. He just stood there awkwardly, his hands by his sides like he didn’t know what to do with this outpouring of love.
My mom left for North Carolina with my siblings on Monday, and I did take Vada up on her offer to spend a few nights at her house.
“I think Steve and I have decided to try this long-distance college thing,” Vada says to me Thursday evening as we relax in her bedroom watching a movie on her laptop.
Tomorrow is my birthday, and Vada insisted it would be a crime if I woke up to a completely empty house with no one to wish me a happy birthday the moment I blinked my eyes open in the morning.
“Really? That’s great!” I know the two of them had put off the decision on what to do about their relationship once Steve leaves for Boston, but I guess with time running out—Steve leaves for Boston next week—they finally had that conversation.
“Yeah. I mean, we’ll see how it goes. I’m really trying to be realistic here. Boston isn’t too far away. It’s only like a three-and-a-half-hour drive, but still, with school and stuff. Anyway, we both agreed we’d try this and see how it goes. We’ll both be so busy and I don’t know how often we’ll be able to see each other. It’s going to be hard,” Vada says, exhaling deeply.
I pull her in for a one-armed hug. “You guys will figure it out,” I say encouragingly, and my mind briefly wanders to Ronan and me. We’re both entering our senior year, so we haven’t had to face this whole going-away-to-college talk yet. In fact, I don’t even know what his plans are, but I guess we’ll have to cross that bridge sooner or later. Maybe I should ask him about it.
I don’t have a clue what I want to do, where I want to go, or what I want to study. I love New York, and I love my friends here, so I’m not sure I’d want to be anywhere else, especially if Ronan stays here. God, I hope he stays here. We haven’t even been together a whole three months, but already I can’t imagine being without him, and there are definitely moments where I envision us together forever—getting married, having kids, growing old together. I haven’t said any of this out loud to anyone because, one, I don’t want to scare the shit out of Ronan, and two, I know people would tell us we’re too young to make such a huge decision at our age. Then again, I keep thinking about my parents, who got married at nineteen, and Ronan’s parents, who had Steve and Ronan at sixteen and seventeen respectively, and were married when Steve was born. Not that this is something I strive for—oh god, having kids now would be so hard—but the thought of being with Ronan forever is definitely something that makes my heart flutter.
My phone pings and I reach for it, noting that it’s just after midnight. I find myself on edge each time my phone notifies me of a text message, never knowing whether it’s a reminder from Adam that he’s still out there, still lurking in the shadows. But I smile when I find a text from Ronan instead.
Ronan: it’s officially August 27. Happy birthday, baby. Too bad I can’t return the favor and kiss you in front of your house right now like we did on my birthday, but I promise to make it up to you later today.
Me: Looking forward to it. How is your night so far? Busy?
Ronan: On a quick break right now. It’s not too bad tonight. Miss you though.
Me: Someone once told me to try to have some fun, it makes the time go by faster.
Ronan: Huh, that someone sounds pretty smart…
Me: He is. And really cute, too.
Ronan: Seems like the whole package?!
Me: He sure is. What time will I get to see you tomorrow?
Ronan: I have practice from 11 to 2 and I’ll come see you right after.
Me: Can’t wait.
Ronan: Same. Get some sleep!
Me: I’ll dream of you.
Ronan: You better! And make it spicy…
“Judging by that swoony, mushy look on your face, I’m thinking that wasn’t your mom texting you,” Vada sniggers at me. “You and Ran are seriously too much. I’m so glad my genius plan came to fruition. I swear I knew right when I first met you that you two would be great together.”