Page 119 of Tiny Fractures
I shrug. “I don’t know. He didn’t seem like a bad guy in the beginning. He was really nice, actually. But I guess I enjoyed the attention. It’s stupid, right?” I ask, feeling embarrassed that I fell for Adam’s crap, and that I didn’t leave him after the first time he became violent. Heck, I should have left the first time he called me a slut, the first time he made me feel less than, way before he ever put his hands on me.
The longer I’m with Ronan, the more I understand that what I went through with Adam wasn’t normal. And, of course, I always knew that. I always knew it wasn’t okay for someone to belittle their girlfriend, to call her names, and to hit her, but it’s so different being in that situation because I didn’t recognize it as abuse. It started off so innocent, so sporadic, and I looked past it because when things were good they were really good. But once I allowed Adam to overstep my boundaries, he knew he could keep pushing them just a little bit more each time until they were essentially nonexistent, until it became really, really dangerous.
It was similar with the photos. It started out innocently enough, Adam telling me I looked beautiful before snapping a picture of me. Soon he began asking me for more and more compromising pictures, requesting I show more skin, wear less clothing. I was reluctant at first but acquiesced because he was my boyfriend, after all. It wasn’t until a couple months into our relationship that I learned about Adam taking photos of me at parties. Some of them were taken while I was passed out, drunk off my ass after overstepping my boundaries. Others appeared to depict me willingly exposing myself to Adam, though I can’t remember any of it. Even then he threatened to make the pictures public. He held them over my head to make me fall in line when I was being “difficult” because I tried to set a personal boundary. He’d egg me on, tease me, joke about sharing the pictures with his buddies or teammates. Come to think of it, I’m not sure he didn’t actually make good on that last part.
“It’s not stupid,” Summer chimes in. “I’m pretty sure I’m only with Zack because I enjoy the attention he gives me,” she says with a grin on her face, then winks at Zack.
He looks offended. “Uh, pretty sure you were the one who asked me out.”
Summer puts her finger to her chin in mock contemplation. “Oh, shoot, I think you’re right,” she says, and everyone laughs.
“Well, I didn’t ask Shane out,” Tori pipes up. “He pursued me for weeks.” She drags out the last word, and Shane rolls his eyes. “And I for sure, one hundred percent, enjoyed the attention, so don’t feel bad, Cat. How could you have known that things would get so messed up? You can’t and shouldn’t ever blame yourself for being hurt by one of the people who are pretty much obligated to treat you well.”
“I’m going to sound all mushy right now, but I don’t know what I would do without all of you,” I say, tearing up again. “After Adam was arrested, the whole town pretty much turned against me, so this is a nice change.”
“We got your back, Kitty Cat, always and forever,” Vada assures me to the general consent of the group, and Ronan places a soft kiss on my arm.
“Oh, that reminds me, Vada. My mom said I could sleep over at your place,” I say, my mouth expanding into a smile.
“What a coincidence, my dad said I could spend the night at yours!” Vada laughs.
“So, both of you will be at our house tonight?” Steve observes in a flirty tone.
I smile at the prospect of sleeping next to Ronan again, but my face falls when I see Ronan shake his head.
“Mom’s home,” Ronan says to his brother, whose smile turns into a frown.
“Seriously? Aw, man,” Steve grumbles.
“Hmm, looks like you’ll actually need to stay at my place,” Vada muses. “Or maybe I’ll stay at yours?”
“Why don’t you stay with me?” I suggest. “My mom’s kind of been on edge ever since this whole Adam fiasco. I’m sure she’d love it if I were home tonight. And she loves you, so I don’t think that’ll be an issue.”
“Uh, yeah she loves me,” Vada says, whipping her hair over her shoulder, causing more laughter to erupt. “What’s not to love?”
“I love how fucking full of yourself you are,” Steve says, then presses his lips onto hers.
“Seriously,” I laugh. “Can I have some of your self-confidence?”
Vada eyes me from head to toe. “Kitty Cat, you have absolutely no reason not to be full of yourself, too. Have you looked in the mirror lately? God damn, girl. The freaking face and body of a lingerie model,” she adds, and I blush violently.
“I wouldn’t mind seeing that,” Ronan says in a husky voice, so quietly that only I can hear it, and it sends shivers down my neck. “You in lingerie.” His hand on my leg slides just a little further up my thigh, unnoticed by everyone around us. “Or better yet, no clothes at all.”
Oh jeez. This boy is so pent-up.
“What happened to no pushing, sweet boy?” I ask him quietly, laughter in my voice.
“I move at your pace, baby, I promise. But I can fantasize, right?” His gravelly voice is almost too much, and my heartbeat speeds up.
“I’ll allow it,” I say, and playfully push my shoulder into him. His lips find mine, kissing me deeply, eliciting wolf whistling from our friends.
“Do you guys need to go back into that room?” Shane motions toward the house and chuckles.
“We do, but there’s no chance you guys would leave us alone. I’m starting to understand this now,” Ronan laughs, and we all join in.
The rest of the evening is nice as we huddle around the fire. I remain on Ronan’s lap, leaning back against him, and his left arm rests on my leg. It’s peaceful and comforting and allows my mind and soul to settle. It’s so easy with my friends, and it’s especially easy with Ronan, and despite the emotional and physical day I feel relaxed and content by the time it’s midnight and Ronan lets me know he has to head home. Vada and I ride with him, Vada smooshed into the small backseat of Ronan’s Mustang.
Vada takes the opportunity to jabber about my birthday, which is coming up in a couple of weeks, and I remind her that my mom will be taking my brother and sister back to North Carolina. Vada suggests I spend that week at her house.