Page 128 of Tiny Fractures

She looks at me expectantly as I lower myself onto her. Warmth radiates off her like she’s the sun. My mind moves at a million miles an hour, and even though I’m so hungry for her, wanting nothing more than to finally feel all of her, I move deliberately as I gently lower my hips. I carefully begin to edge into her, moving slowly, fighting to keep a straight head while my body yearns to be buried deep inside her. My eyelids want to close with the sensation of my body entering Cat’s, but I train my gaze on Cat’s instead. She needs to know I’m right here with her—not only physically, but emotionally, too.

And holy fucking shit, the way she feels is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before; it’s beyond anything I could have ever imagined—her unfiltered softness, her pure warmth, the way she’s already so damn worked up, wet and ready for me. It’s almost too much to handle, and I remind myself to stay in the moment with Cat, because as fucking perfect as she feels, I want to make sure it feels just as good to her.

So I push into her slowly—millimeter by millimeter—watching her intently, hoping to minimize any pain. But her eyes shut tightly and her eyebrows knit together as she takes a sharp breath in through her teeth, her body tightening around me, squeezing me. Holy fuck. Her fingers find and dig into my shoulder blades, her nails piercing my skin as she works through the initial discomfort. I stop moving, giving her time to let the pain pass, taking the smallest opportunity to regulate my breathing and my heart rate as I let my eyes fall shut and breathe her in. Her soft body underneath me feels so damn perfect. I hate the thought of causing her pain when Cat feels so unspeakably good to me.

I feel her fingers relax on my back and hope this means the discomfort is subsiding somewhat, though I’m aware that the first time isn’t usually very pleasant for girls. It’s one of the most unfair things in my opinion. Sex has never been anything but pleasurable to me, and it bothers me to know that I’m hurting her.

“It’s okay. Don’t stop,” Cat whispers as if she can read my thoughts, can hear my internal struggles. I begin pushing in deeper, carefully moving back and forth, paying attention to her sounds, her body language, while getting lost in the feeling of her.

God, I’ve been craving her like this for so long, have dreamed about and envisioned this moment, never truly knowing just how incredible it would feel when I finally got to feel all of her like this—unfiltered, raw, without anything between Cat’s perfect body and mine. There are no words to describe the ecstasy rushing through my veins, and it’s like time stands still. Only the sounds of our labored breathing disrupt the silence, and I could swear I exist in a void with only Cat. Nothing else matters right now.

Finally, I feel the rest of her body relax, feel her melt into me, her face softening.

“Are you okay?” I breathe against her. I’m at war with myself—my need to be gentle with Cat fighting my body’s urge to plunge into her hard, to possess her, to claim her.

“Yeah,” she whimpers, her eyes shut. “This… you feel so good, Ran.”

Her words provide me with reassurance and I allow myself to sink deeper, to thrust into her, slowly at first, letting her test the boundaries, giving her time to stop me. But she doesn’t and instead intertwines her legs with mine as her hands hold on to my shoulders. I get lost in the feeling of her, the rational side of me gone with her soft skin underneath me, her warmth enveloping me completely. It’s like she’s all around me and everywhere at once. Her quiet, breathy moans are driving me crazy, getting me more and more worked up by the second. My breathing becomes more ragged and labored when Cat snakes her legs around my waist and pulls me closer, deeper.

This way of being with her—the way she trusts me, holds on to me, and the way my heart is cracked wide open for the first time in my life… I’ve never experienced anything like this before and, honestly, I may not ever recover from this.

I kiss her lips, her neck, and her breasts, listening to her whimper and savoring the feel of her body underneath me, my strokes long, slow, and deep. I’m trying to be deliberate in my movements, to be as gentle as I can, but the way she feels is completely consuming. I’m not at all sure I’ll be able to last much longer. I increase my pace, thrusting deeper still, harder, but holding back. It’s her first time, after all, and I want to take it easy, allow her to test her boundaries. I move my left hand between us, circling my thumb over that swollen sensitive bud of nerves between her thighs, and her reaction is immediate. Her nails dig into my skin, dragging her fingers down my back, the pain of it pushing me further toward the edge. Her breathing picks up, her face contorts with pleasure, and she arches her back, losing herself to me once more.

“Ran,” she whimpers and moans out her orgasm. Hearing her say my name as she comes apart underneath me is the last push I need. I join her, the physical high ripping through my body, seizing my muscles for what feels like an eternity, yet not long enough before I still inside her.

I let my head fall forward, eyes shut, inhaling her scent while I regain control, trying to steady my breathing and slow my heart rate. Her legs are still wrapped around my waist, trapping me against her in the best way, her chest touching mine as she breathes in and out.

Finally, I lift my head and my eyes find hers, searching, scanning her face. “Are you okay?” I ask again, still breathless.

I’m relieved when she smiles at me, her eyes half shut and still glazed over, the gold specks amplified and dancing in the low light.

“Uh-huh,” she breathes with a nod, and shivers with the aftershock of her last orgasm. I run my right hand over her cheek, down her neck, between her breasts, and to her stomach before moving forward to kiss her again. I look into her eyes, and it feels like the whole world has stopped. There is just Cat and me, and I’d be okay with it being like that forever. I’m in all the way with her.

“What are you thinking?” she asks, her eyes searching mine, forehead creased as she analyzes my expression.

I smile. “How damn lucky I am that I get to be with you,” I say, and the smile on Cat’s face is heart-stopping. She props herself up on her elbows, her lips only an inch from mine, and I let my eyes fall shut again, feeling her breath on my skin.

“I’m really lucky to be with you, too,” she says, and kisses me so softly that goose bumps erupt down my back and arms. “You make me feel so safe,” she adds, her voice quiet.

I open my eyes to look at her. “I don’t ever want you to feel anything but safe.” The thought of doing something, anything to hurt her in any way, be it physical or emotional, to lay a hand on her like her ex has done, like my mother does to me, makes me feel physically ill.

“You know what would make me feel really safe right now?” she asks, her voice playful now.

I cock an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

“If you stayed with me for a while,” she says, brushing her lips against mine again. It doesn’t take much convincing for me to slip out of her and, after she heads to the bathroom, to lie down beside her and pull her into my arms. I press my body against her soft skin, kissing her shoulder, her neck, her head while her fingers gently glide up and down my arm until I can hear her breathing become deeper, more rhythmic, and I know she’s asleep. I join her, drifting off to sleep while breathing in her scent and feeling her soft, warm skin.

I wake up hours later when Cat sighs contently in her sleep. She’s lying next to me, her head resting on my arm, one leg over mine, and I listen to her slow, deep breathing for a while. Her naked body is soft and warm against me, and I’ve never been as happy as I am right now, in this moment, with Cat by my side. I wish it would never have to end.

It’s dark in the room. The only source of light is the moon shining in through the window and the indicator light on Cat’s phone, glowing green, noting a full charge. I reach over to the nightstand and grab her phone, which shows me that it’s past four in the morning. I should really get home to avoid my mother realizing I’ve been out all night yet again. I move out from under Cat slowly so as not to disturb her peaceful sleep and get up quietly, feeling the floor with my feet for my boxers and jeans. When I find them, I put them on and reach for my shirt.

Cat begins to stir when I put on my shoes, and her hand glides up my back. “Don’t leave,” she says sweetly, her voice thick with sleep.

I lean toward her and kiss her forehead. “I have to,” I whisper, taking in her scent. “But I promise I’ll see you in just a few hours.”

She lets out a soft, approving groan and her eyes shut. My heart constricts when I walk out of the room. I don’t want to leave her here all by herself, I want to be here and make sure she’s safe and warm. As I take in her body, covered only by a thin blanket, her face, her long hair, I realize just how much I care about her—more than I ever thought possible. I love her. God, I love her. And I’ve probably been in love with her since the very beginning of us.

I drive the few miles from her house to mine thinking about Cat, music playing in the background, but it’s drowned out by my thoughts of her. I don’t want to wait anymore; I’m going to tell her how I feel when I see her later today. I just can’t hold it in anymore. I need to let her know what she means to me, that I’m in love with her.