Page 57 of Lily, Unwritten

Stepping down onto the sand I sat on the long sea wall and tucked my legs up under my chin; holding onto my dress so as not to expose myself to the seagulls, should a gust of wind catch it.

As I watched the waves roll in and out, my breath slowed to their rhythm. So, this was thirty? It could be better but it could be a whole lot worse. There was not a soul about; I loved the peacefulness of this place. How different to where I’d been a year ago, and a year before that. I didn’t want to feel glum as I looked back; best just to focus on this birthday.

I closed my eyes and held my head up to the sky, letting the weak, winter sun rest on my face. I was in shadow all of a sudden - where had dark clouds appeared from? I held a hand up to my face to block out any glare as I opened my eyes.

But I didn’t see clouds or sunshine. I only saw him…

Twenty

My eyes met Luke’s for the briefest second before I tore them away in shock. I couldn’t get drawn into his eyes, into him, into another situation. I cursed Cassie for getting me into this.

“Happy birthday,” said Luke.

I swallowed, trembling as I kept my eyes focused on the waves. In and out, in and out; just like my breath. Just keep breathing.

“Thanks. You came a long way to say that. A WhatsApp would’ve done it.”

“No, it wouldn’t.” He sat down next to me and held out a coffee cup. “Besides, I don’t have your number. Cassie wouldn’t give it to me, said you would kill her. Caramel Macchiato for the birthday girl?”

My lips betrayed me with a smile, which I tried to stop before he noticed. Luke held the cup out towards me and as I reached for it, our fingertips touched for the briefest instant.

“Thank you,” I snatched my hand away and lifted the lid, enjoying the smell of my old favourite. I took a long drink; the warm feeling flowed down my chest against the coldness of the air in my lungs. I decided to concentrate on that, and not the proximity of him because there was no way I was turning my favourite coffee down.

“Are you going to look at me?” Luke asked.

I shook my head and took another long sip, my eyes rooted on the horizon.

He wriggled closer, his arm against mine. I tried not to react, not to move, just kept my eyes ahead; but that touch was sucking the air out of me.

“Your hair suits you like that.”

“Thank you.” My face was on fire now as a blush overtook me. I was worried I sounded like an idiot who just kept saying thank you, but I was scared to get drawn into more.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”

“It’s not normal to contact your exes and pass on new address details,” I replied, almost in a whisper.

“Is that all I am to you? An ex?”

I shrugged and tried to wipe a tear from my cheek without him noticing. When did I start crying?

“I tried to do the right thing,” he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. I glanced my eyes to the side as he did so, noticing how beautiful his face still was. My memories had been perfect. That chiselled jawline, even the tiny chicken pox scar underneath his right eyebrow. “What went wrong? Cassie said it wasn’t her place to tell me. She’s extraordinarily loyal to you, that girl.”

“When we were at that mediation, Anna somehow recorded our conversation and sent it to Zack on his birthday. I think she paid the barman to record us.” I didn’t want to think about this, especially not on my own birthday.

“But nothing happened that night, or any night,” Luke sounded confused.

“No, but we discussed the fact that it was you who made the decision for me. Zack lost the plot that I hadn’t exactly chosen him. We were on holiday with all his family. It was awful.”

“I’m sorry,” Luke said.

“Not your fault, Anna’s always been a bitch. Slapping her silly at work didn’t help because then I was fired. But… it’s all worked out, I guess. I’m happy here.”

Luke reached for my left hand and lifted it up. He traced his fingertip over the place where my engagement ring used to sit; there wasn’t even a slight indentation there now.

I pulled away and shivered.

“When I heard about you and Zack. I wanted to rush straight to you, but I knew it wouldn’t have been the right time. Us and timing, hey?” Luke’s voice shook as he spoke. “I’ve been trying and wanting to find you ever since I found out you moved. Cassie was adamant she couldn’t betray your wishes but gave her own little clues, she said you needed time. What you did for her is amazing by the way, you should see how happy they all are.”