Page 58 of Lily, Unwritten

“Why did you want to find me, Luke? It just makes this harder. Three people got horribly hurt, we don’t need to revisit that.” I took another drink, sad that it was almost all gone. Was this moment over when the coffee was gone?

“Two of those people have the chance to get this right. It really would help if you’d look at me, Lily.”

“I can’t look at you. If I look at you, I’ll get all lost in us again,” I admitted.

“And that’s a bad thing because?”

“Because I can’t go through it all again. I’m fine here. I don’t want to ruin the life I’ve managed to build.”

Luke sighed. “There’s much more to life than being fine. I thought you’d be aware of that by now.”

“I’ve put you through so much, I don’t want to be the person who keeps doing that.”

“What if I want you to be that person? Because for every bad moment I went through for you, I also went through a hundred good moments.” He put his hand on my knee as he spoke and I felt his touch throughout my entire body. “I know you. I know you need time to deal with this. How about I come to yours later this evening? See if you can stand to look at my face by then? I think I should have a say in things.”

I sensed him smile as he spoke, and, like a beautiful contagion, the gesture spread to my own mouth.

“Maybe I’m just worried you’ve aged horribly and you aren’t pretty anymore. I’m a very shallow girl.”

“Only one way to find out. Do you want a lift back home?” Luke asked.

“No,” I shook my head. “How do you know where I live, anyway?”

“Wasn’t hard in a place that tiny with just one bakery,” Luke said as I felt him tense up beside me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean I was following you or anything like that. I…”

“Shh, I know. I know that’s not you.” I turned towards him. I wanted to reassure him that it was OK, but everything froze as I looked at him for the first time in so long. Truly looked at him. Luke reached for my hand and this time I didn’t try to stop him. The moment stretched on, the intensity was too much; I couldn’t let myself crack. I pulled my hand away and looked back towards the beach. “I might see you later then? I guess… If you happen to be nearby.”

Luke kissed the top of my head as he stood, and I melted underneath his lips. It felt as if my hair was rising to try and stay in contact with him. “If it’s up to me, that’s a definite yes. Hope the birthday coffee was perfect for you,” He took a step away then stopped. “Hey, did you hear we won the Maloney case?”

I swear my heart stuttered. “No, I hadn’t heard.”

“Yeah, some anonymous evidence turned up. Holly bought a lovely little house, she and the boy are doing so well. I wonder if I’ll ever find out where it came from?” His voice teased, but I wasn’t going to admit a thing.

“I doubt it but that sounds like the best outcome. For Holly and for your firm.”

I didn’t look up as his feet crunched across the shell-strewn sand. I took a deep breath, savouring the scent of him mingled in with the ocean. My eyes closed again of their own accord. Between the kiss and the scent, I didn’t think I could move.

I was petrified to consider what this could mean, but at the same time, my entire body was going berserk, having had him close but not quite close enough, it wanted more.

I wandered up and down the beach for a short time but I was too restless. A year of not being able to see him, and now, he was here on my birthday. Although he hadn’t quite said it outright, he seemed as if he still wanted me. It terrified me. Yet it also excited me; my stomach fizzed with anticipation.

Right now, though, I just wanted to get back to the cottage. This time I wanted to be prepared for seeing him. I wanted to be able to look him in the eyes.

I made haste to the bus stop as the various parts of me assaulted my mind with different emotions and intents.

My heart bounced around as though it had been injected with happiness.

My head was gloomy - warning me of more heartbreak to come.

My body told me… I really needed to shave my legs.

Twenty One

I raced into the cottage and pulled the front door closed behind me. I had no idea how long I had to get prepared; this was stressful. Thankfully, the place was immaculate. I always seemed to have time for cleaning now. It was just myself I needed to fix up.

I ran a deep bath with my best bubbles, and as the hot water tumbled into the tub, I surveyed myself in the mirror. He’d said he liked my hair. I smiled as I pulled at the ends of it, still not used to it sitting up above my shoulders. Thanks to the early nights and lack of alcohol, my skin looked better than it ever had. What kind of image did I need to portray here, though?

I mulled it over as I lay back in the bath, my razor working harder than it had ever known. It would be weird if he turned up and I was dressed up to the nines. I also couldn’t do pyjamas and no make-up Lily. I didn’t even think I had eyeliner in, however, which would have been unheard of in the past.