Page 101 of Ice Cold Hearts
“Love you too.”
After I fill in Hank, I text the group chat.
Emily - Change of plans. Mom said reporters are surrounding my house. Headed to your place, so don’t be surprised when you get home and there are lights on. Call me when you can.
I just hope my mom is right and Audrey and I will be safe there.
33
ALEXEI
While it’s nice coming home after an away game to the woman I love, I wish the circumstances were different. My heart shattered when I read Emily’s texts to the group chat. I could kick myself for not being there with her. It’s my job to keep her safe, and I failed. I should have listened to Ian, put my foot down, and made her take a security detail. I should have been able to stop this from happening.
Despite the exhausting circumstances of her day, Audrey was still difficult to put to bed. She whined. She cried. Basically, the entire evening was a temper tantrum. Honestly, there were several parts of the evening where I wanted to look at her and go, “me too, kid.” The way Audrey was on the outside was a perfect illustration of how we were all feeling inside. I can’t even imagine how scared that poor kid was today.
We finally managed to get her to sleep once we all piled in and around the toddler bed we’d bought for her room here. She had to be touching each one of us or she’d start to sniffle and get anxious. So, Oliver and I sat up by her head and held her tiny little hands and she rested one foot each on Emily and Ian.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Emily says once we’re all back in the living room. “I know she was a handful tonight.”
Oliver smirks. “So are you, but we still love you.”
She smiles for the first time all night. “Seriously, thank you.”
“Emily,” Ian says softly, “we’re a family. A weird little family, but still… We’re not just here for when she’s in a good mood. We’re here for when something big and scary happens and her feelings are too big for her to handle alone. It’s not a fair weather friend situation here. We want to be involved.”
Oliver and I nod along in agreement.
“I’m just not used to having anyone to lean on.” She shrugs, embarrassed. “This is all new for me.”
I can practically hear my father whispering in my ear, “Tell her, mon petit chou, it’s time.”
“Emily, there’s something I need to tell you,” I say.
Her face pinches with worry. “Did I do something wrong?”
“You?” I scoff, running my hands through my hair. “No, you haven’t done anything wrong, but I have. You see this?” I pull my shirt to show the small tattoo on my chest of a cabbage wearing a traditional Russian hat. “Oliver and I got matching ones after my parents died, but his is a duck with a hat. I know I told you I was closed off after my parents died, but I never told you how closed off. I refused to have anything other than surface-level connections. Part of the reason our relationship with Colleen didn’t work out was because I didn’t show her any kind of care or affection. I was a callous bastard. There were a number of other reasons, but that was a big one. I stayed in a relationship with someone so toxic that she emotionally scarred one of my closest friends, and I didn’t know until he told me because I was that checked out. After seeing my parents after that horrible accident and watching them slip away within minutes of each other, I decided that if I never loved anyone as much as they loved each other, I wouldn’t ever feel the agony they felt while they were separated in the hospital for triage. I can still hear them screaming for each other sometimes.
“When I met you, I was immediately at war with myself because no matter how hard I tried, I did nothing but connect to you. You and Audrey stormed through barriers I thought were impenetrable and left me completely defenseless. The two of you make this house a home, and you make all of us” —I gesture around— “into a proper family. I know today is nothing like their accident, but when I read your texts and found out what happened at her school, I was just as afraid as I was the day my parents died. I can’t lose you. I know just over five months is way too soon, but I want you and Audrey to move in here.
“We can keep you safer here than in your townhouse. We’ve got the gated community and the security guards, and on the way home, we talked about private security temporarily patrolling just our house and for when we go out, but it will be so much easier if you’re here. When things die down with the press, you could even move back out for a while if you want to. I want you here permanently, but even if you don’t want that yet, please say you’ll move in temporarily. I don’t want to read in the paper how some crazed fan broke in and hurt you or a reporter breaking in and waiting to ambush you with questions. Please. I couldn’t live with myself if anything else happened to you or that sweet little girl.”
“I, well, I…” she sputters. “What about you two?”
Ian and Oliver are locked in a staring contest, silently arguing over who should answer. Finally, Ian blinks first.
“You know how I feel about security already.” He shrugs. “There’s no sense beating that dead horse. All I want to add to that topic is that I think things have escalated to the point where we need to take that next step and have security with us while we go out for the time being, and I mean all of us. The school seemed to do a good job handling things, but I’d still like to reach out and see if we can’t have one of the people we hire patrol the outside of the school from time to time. Audrey is special to all of us, and we’d be devastated if something happened to her again. Please don’t fight us on it this time. You keep acting like you have to do this on your own, and you don’t. Let us help take care of you and Audrey. As for the rest? Having you here?”
He smiles. “Just the thought of getting to come home to you every day? I don’t think I could possibly be happier. You have no idea how wonderful it is for me to be with someone who sees me for who I am and still loves me anyway. You make me feel like no part of me is too much and challenge me to be a better man. I want your home to be our home, but even if you don’t want that yet, I do think you should stay with us at least until we can get a security team together for your house. I won’t risk exposing the two of you to more trouble and pain.”
“I guess it’s my turn to spill my guts.” Oliver grins. “You know me, I always make a joke out of everything. Ever since I was a kid, that was the only way for me to be seen at home. If I wasn’t vying for the center of attention, I was smoothing over the family conflicts. It got to the point where it felt like my worth lies in what I can do for people or how I can entertain them. You know my family’s never been to one game? They think it’s beneath them.
“With you, I don’t feel like that. We have fun together instead of me putting on a show for you. You’re so stubborn.” He laughs. “And you refuse to allow me, or any of us, really, to fix your problems. You are hell bent on being an equal partner, and I love how you make your voice and your needs heard. I wish I could be better at that, and the more time I spend with you, the better I get at it. You’ve made me realize that I don’t have to earn my right to exist or to be” —he clears his throat— “to be loved. You are the first woman to ever make me feel like I was worthy to be cared for as is. I haven’t always felt like I was enough, but you? You make me believe it.
“I love you the way the ground loves the rain after a seven-year drought. Moving in with us doesn’t need to be permanent if you don’t want it to be just yet. We would all completely understand that, but as useless as putting my foot down with you is, I’m going to try it, anyway. We can’t keep you or Audrey safe at your house yet. For your safety and our peace of mind, you have to stay here until we can hire security for you. They know where you live now, and they’re not going to leave you alone until something juicier comes along, and they may still come back to bother you even then. I need you to stay here at least until then, and I need you to be taking security out with you, especially when you’re alone with Audrey. I can’t…” His voice cracks. “I couldn’t handle it if something else happened. Today at her school was more than enough, and I won’t let anything like it happen again.”
Emily’s wide-eyed gaze touches each of us in turn. Her full mouth is slightly parted, her face is flushed, and her eyes are misty with tears. For a moment, I thought we’d gone too far, said too much and ruined it all.
“I love you too,” she says softly. “I’ve been so afraid to say it, but I do. I love you. Alexei, I love you for your decisiveness, your dry humor, the depth of your heart, even if you try to hide it. Oliver, I love how you make me laugh and explore my silly side, how you remind me to slow down and to not take things as matters of life or death all the time. You remind me of all the good things life has to offer. And Ian, I love how sensitive and passionate you are. I love how you stay in the moment and that you feel so deeply, how you’re unbelievably perceptive and sweet. I never thought I’d find anyone who made me feel as cherished and wanted, much less three people. I love what we have and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but I—” She dissolves into tears.