Page 102 of Ice Cold Hearts
I pull her into my lap. Oliver and Ian perch on either side of Emily and take her hands. We just let her cry and make soothing nonsense noises until she gets her bearings again. Eventually, she lifts her head from my chest and wipes her eyes. Then she slides off my lap and crosses to the loveseat on the other side of the room. She sits straight as a pin with her eyes focused just above our heads. I did that when I read my parents’ eulogies because I knew if I made eye contact with anyone, I would have a complete breakdown. Whatever she’s working up the nerve to tell us is going to be big.
Maybe we’ll finally get to hear about Audrey’s father.
She takes a shaky breath. “I think bringing on security while we’re out and about for the time being is a good idea for all of us. I don’t want anything like this happening to Audrey again, and, Ian, I’m sorry for brushing you off all those times before. I thought you were worrying too much, but I should have known to take your concerns more seriously.”
“It’s okay,” he reassures her. “Keep going.”
“I like the idea of moving in with you on a trial basis while we get all the security details ironed out and seeing how it goes, but I can’t accept your offer to move in here until after you hear what I have to say. It might ruin everything, but it’s killing me and I can’t do this anymore. Just please let me tell it all the way through because if I stop, I won’t be brave enough to finish.”
Ian and Oliver look at me to gauge my reaction.
“You have our full, undivided attention, Kitten. We’re ready to listen.”
34
EMILY
This is it. No more hiding. I can’t let this relationship continue any further without telling them the truth. Patches of goosebumps congregate on my arms as my forehead gets clammy. My legs start to tremble, and I press my palms hard against my thighs to still the jitters.
If it’s over, then it’s over.
It would certainly solve the press problem you’ve got now, that’s for sure.
I’ll still have two loving and supportive parents, a great boss, wonderful patients to work with, and a daughter who loves me at the end of the day, no matter what happens now. It would be unfair to them to continue hiding it, especially now that they want me to move in with them.
You shouldn’t have hidden it at all, Coward.
I tell that unhelpful little voice to fuck off and try to focus on what my mom said to me yesterday. This is definitely going to make some waves, but they love me and I know I love them, so maybe that will be enough to move past all this someday. If it’s not, then it’s better to know now than years down the road when the betrayal would be even bigger.
I know keeping this from them for this long was unacceptable and wrong, but I just hope they understand why I did what I did.
“I know I already said it, but I’m feeling so anxious and I need to say it again. Please, no matter what I say, please just let me finish so I can tell you everything. I have been trying for months to say it, but something either comes up to interrupt me or I get too scared and I back out. I’m terrified enough as it is right now, so I don’t know that I’ll be able to speak at all if my train of thought gets derailed,” I beg.
“You have my word,” Alexei says.
“And mine,” Ian adds.
“I promise even if I have to bite off my tongue, I’ll wait until you finish to speak,” Oliver promises.
Just open your mouth and make the words come out. You can do this, Emily.
“So, I have been trying to figure out how to tell you about Audrey’s father since the day all three of you showed up in my office for the first time. It felt too soon and too inappropriate to just blurt it out there, even though I probably should have. And then every time after that, it felt too soon or too awkward or some emergency came up and derailed everything. Then it got to the point where I realized that I’d been making excuses and putting it off because I was scared. It’s not an excuse, and I know it was wrong, and I’ve been kicking myself every day that I haven’t told you, and I am so sorry.”
Ian opens his mouth to say something, but Alexei glares at him. He claps his mouth shut and gives me an apologetic look.
“You all know that Oliver and I realized we had met before at a party around five years ago,” I start.
Alexei raises his eyebrows at me, and I swear I can hear him thinking. From the look in his eyes, it’s clear he’s starting to put the pieces together.
I turn my eyes to Oliver. “You called me a shirt thief, and for good reason. It was getting light fast, and I could see some fishing boats out on the lake, so I panicked and threw on the first clothing item I could find then hightailed it out of there.” I stop to take a breath. “I’m afraid that that’s not all I ended up taking from you that night. Apparently, the two of us were drunker than we’d thought and I hadn’t gotten my IUD put in yet, and I’ll be honest, I was too drunk that night to remember if the condom broke or if we even used one at all that night. Neither of us were exactly thinking clearly at the time. It wasn’t something that had even occurred to me until I missed a period. I just wrote it off as the stress of starting my new job, but the month after that when it still didn’t come, I took a test. And this is a really roundabout way to tell you that you’re Audrey’s father. There hadn’t been anyone for at least two months before you, and I dove headfirst into my new job the next week and I was too bogged down with all my new responsibilities at work for there to be anyone after you. You don’t have to settle for just my word for it. I would completely understand if you didn’t believe me. Just say the word and we can do a paternity test.”
My heart feels like it’s about to burst from my chest. All the color has drained out of Oliver’s face and he’s staring at me with an expression I’ve never seen before. I take a slow breath, bracing for the inevitable name calling, the screaming, and the demands to take my child and get the hell out of their house.
Nothing happens.
The silence is deafening.
“Is there anything else, or are we able to talk now?” Alexei finally asks.