Page 26 of Wicked Devotions
“I love you, too.” Tears fill her eyes. “But I think I need physical intimacy. Even though I haven’t had any experience yet.”
“I know. I’d never ask you not to seek that out. So, what if we stayed together in a nonsexual relationship, but opened it up on your end to explore that side of you?”
She flinches as if that’s the last thing she expected me to say. “You’d be okay with that?”
“Yes.”
“You wouldn’t get jealous? Because I don’t think I could have a strictly physical relationship withsomeone without becoming emotionally attached as well.”
“Harper, believe me, I’ve fully thought this through. As long as I have you as my partner, I don’t care about anything else. You could find a hundred other people, and as long as I still have you this way, I’m golden. You are all I want and need, and I know your heart is big enough for more than just me.”
“I need to think about this.”
“That’s fair. I completely understand.”
“Do you mind sleeping down here? I just need space to think.”
“Of course. I’ll do whatever you feel comfortable with.”
Chapter
Eleven
HARPER
The past five hours have been spent tossing and turning while a cyclone of thoughts swirls inside my brain. First and foremost, I know nothing eclipses being there for Banks through this. His family isn’t terrible like my father was, but they are traditional southerners. I’m not sure how they would react to all this if he told them.
But this also shatters the dream of the future I’ve always envisioned for myself. Through all the ups and downs over the past couple of years, my lifewith Banks always grounded me. He was stability during cataclysmic upheaval.
I can’t figure out what use I could be to him, why he wants to stay with me, if he doesn’t want me sexually. What use am I in the long run if I can’t give him babies and create a home for us? The notion of my life’s purpose being to become a wife, mother, and homemaker was ingrained in me from the very beginning. It’s harder to come to grips with this than it was to find out my dad was a criminal.
In my restlessness earlier, I purchased some books on asexuality and downloaded them immediately. Since I can’t sleep I might as well put my time to good use researching. Eventually my eyes grow too tired to continue reading and highlighting passages, so I fall back onto my bed and stare up at the ceiling.
Just as I’m about to finally fall asleep, I hear a light knock at my door. I sit up quickly, wondering if Banks can’t sleep either.
“Come in.”
The door opens quietly, and Cy slips in. I throw the covers back and jump out of bed as soon as I see his face. One eye is swollen and bruised with a cut at his temple. He has dried blood around his nose and a split lip.
“I’m fine,” he says as I come closer to him. He lets me turn his head to closer inspect his injuries.
“How did this happen?”
“A fight.”
I pull him into my bathroom. “Why were you fighting? Who were you fighting?”
“Why is Banks asleep on the couch?” He leans against the counter while I look for my first aid kit.
“I asked you first?”
“It was a family thing, and the good news is that I won, so don’t worry about it.”
“You fought your family?” My brows rise as I look over at him.
“For my family. It’s not out of the ordinary.”
I grab a washcloth and run it under hot water. “That seems barbaric.”