Page 5 of Before the Fall
“Why are you talking about our time together like it meant nothing to you? Did it? Did it mean absolutely nothing to you all these months?” she sobs.
I shrug, knowing how fucking disrespectful that is right now. “It meant a lot to me. I just think it’s time.”
Her tear-filled eyes flash anger I’ve only seen a few times in Tia. “Time? You keep saying that! Why? Why is it time now?”
I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to use the nuclear option, but she’s not going to let me off the hook. Not that I blame her. It’s not like I’ve given her any valid reason for not wanting to be with her anymore. What does a few hours driving to see her mean to me? I never minded the trip down here, so she knows that’s a bullshit reason for wanting to break up.
So I swallow hard and say the hardest words I’ve ever uttered in my life.
“I’ve met someone else. She’s closer, so we don’t have to do the long distance relationship thing.”
As each syllable leaves my mouth, Tia grows sadder and sadder until she collapses onto the chair. “You met someone else? How could you do this to us? I guess there was no us, though. Not if you could find someone new.”
Fuck, I want to get the hell out of this place right now. I can’t see her like this.
When I don’t say anything, she jumps up from the chair and shakes her head as tears continue to stream down her cheeks. “I’ll never forgive you, Jaxon. Whoever she is, I hope she makes you happier than I did.”
That’s not possible. I want to tell her that, but I can’t. Keeping her safe is too important to turn back now.
“Thanks. I hope we can be friends,” I say like some stereotypical dick just asking for someone to slap their face.
“Friends?” she repeats in disbelief. “I don’t want to be friends with you. You’ve broken my heart, and now you think friends is something we can be? Go fuck yourself, Jaxon. Go to whoever this new girl is and never darken my doorstep again. I never want to see you again in my life!”
She storms away as my heart sinks, and when she slams her bedroom door, it’s like she’s put up a barrier I couldn’t get through even if I tried. I want to, but if I go back on my plan now, she’ll never be safe because I’ll never be able to say goodbye to her again.
Feeling like someone’s ripped open my chest and tore my heart out with their bare hands, I stand in Tia’s kitchen and try to memorize how this place looks. I want to always remember how happy I was in this room.
How happy and selfish because I knew being with Tia could mean her life.
At least I’ve remedied that. Now she just hates me.
Memories of that night make me sick to my stomach, so I take a gulp from my water bottle to push the bile back down. I could drive this route in my sleep since I’ve done it so many times, even since I left her.
I’ve never missed anyone like I have since I told Tia goodbye, but I thought it was for the best. Now I can’t wait to see her again.
I park outside her apartment and think about how she gave up on her dreams of being a psychologist this year. Was that because of me? I don’t know. All I do know is she’s too smart to be working as some assistant to a bank president.
When I step out onto the sidewalk, it’s like the past comes rushing back to me. I used to watch over her like this in the early days. I’d stand on the sidewalk across the street from her house and wait to see even a glimpse of her.
Staring up at her living room window, I wait for her to walk by as I realize I’ve missed her even more than I thought I did. She doesn’t appear, so after ten minutes, I begin walking to her door. I’m more nervous than I’ve ever been in my life. I know what I should expect, but what if I see a man there with her?
Jealousy surges inside me, but I take a deep breath and knock on her door. My heart slams into my chest as I wait to see my first glimpse of her beautiful face in far too long.
The door opens, and there she is staring out at me with the same sweetness I’ve always loved in her eyes. She shakes her head as she backs away. She doesn’t invite me in, but I walk inside anyway, thrilled to see her.
“What makes you think you’re welcome here? Do you always just walk into women’s homes like you own them?” she snaps, her anger filling her voice.
I don’t answer either of her questions. I know I’m not welcome in her world. Not after what I did. That doesn’t matter, though.
“Why are you here?” she asks flatly, but I sense the emotion in her she’s trying so hard to hide.
“I need to see you.”
She frowns and shakes her head again. “Well, I don’t want to see you.”
I take a step toward her and smile. “Yes, you do. Trust me.”
Tia’s eyes open wide, and I see nothing kind or loving in them. “Trust you? Is that supposed to be a joke? Because I’m not laughing.”