Page 36 of Dawn of Hope

I take in unmoving face, her sill hands and fingers, empty of the wedding ring my father placed on it years ago, lost the same day we lost her. Tears roll down my cheeks, as I wait for her to answer me. Wait for her to sit up magically from her sleep and tell me that everything is fine. I need her to take away at least some of the guilt I have been living with every day, watching my father hurt and long for a life that would never be.

Everything would be different if my birth hadn’t cursed my mother into this purgatory, forcing her to stay in this state between life and death, and cursing the rest of us to watch her with no chance of recovery.

Bringing me into this world had taken her away from our kingdom, and from me. I am not convinced it was an equal exchange. I am trying to be the queen that our kingdom needs, but I’ve already failed in my very first assignment. Now, I am supposed to walk into the throne room and pretend that I am ready to rule over a kingdom that doesn’t know me and doesn’t love me, but is expected to respect me. I am to pretend, under the scrutiny of all the neighboring kingdoms who have traveled here for this day, that I am going to be a great leader.

Despite preparing for this day for years, I am not convinced I am the right one, so how am I going to convince all of them? Especially when the one person who is supposed to have been there for me, and believed in me, seems to doubt me and continue to shelter me?

I wipe under my eyes, not caring anymore about smudging the makeup.

“I’m not done trying,” I tell her, standing up straighter and willing my body to feel like the queen I need to be. “I’ll find a way. I don’t know what the next steps are, but I’m not done trying. I just hope he doesn’t give up on you before I can. Light always finds a way, even through the blackest woods.”

I give Edmond a mental hug for this lesson he instilled in me many years ago. It is finally time for me to use it.

I drop my voice down to a whisper and hope she can still hear me.

“I love you, Mother. I hope someday I’ll get to know you, and you’ll get to know me.”

I turn away, getting through the door as fast as I can and closing it solidly behind me. There is nothing left to do now except make my way down to the throne room.

So I do.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Tila stands alone outside the doors to the throne room, waiting for me to arrive. She raises a cloth to my eyes as soon as I step in front of her and dabs the moisture away before reapplying the kohl lining.

She doesn’t say a word but knows me well enough to expect that I would need those touch ups today.

Once finished with the makeup, she glances over at me one last time, shifting my hair over my shoulders and straightening my crown before her stern gaze meets mine.

“There’s to be no more tears. I can’t follow you around all night fixing your eyes.” Her tone is sharp, but I know she is trying to comfort me in her own way.

There is a beat of silence before she speaks again.

“I knew your mother, and I promise you, Lennox, she would have wanted to be here tonight, and to see what a wonderful woman you have grown to be.”

I’ve never seen Tila show any emotion, but her eyes grow misty as she speaks, causing mine to well up again. She blinks away her own tears, the hard look on her face trying to conceal the pain that she also must be feeling today. She snaps at me again, shoving the cloth back in my eyes to dab up the moisture. “I said no more tears.”

“Sorry Tila,” I murmur. I meet her eyes, trying to convey all the appreciation I have for her, getting me to this moment, and being the woman as close to a mother as I ever had. “Thank you.”

Her face softens as she lowers the cloth, what I can only assume to be a look filled with love staring back at me. The throne room door behind her opens slightly and closes quickly as Brynne slips through.

“They’re ready for you.”

This is it. The moment I have been waiting for my entire life. I am about to be presented as the future queen, not only to my people, but to the rest of the kingdoms as well. Kings, queens, princes, princesses. Dukes, emissaries. They are all going to be in this room, and it is all to meet me, to see the mysterious princess of Blackwood, who has been hidden away for twenty-one years.

The weight of the moment overwhelms me, and I suddenly feel like I’m drowning. Brynne shifts into position behind me, forever the Second Guard protecting the now future queen. The familiarity of her presence is calming.

I can do this.

I’ve been waiting my whole life to be seen.

I was born for this.

I fix my face into a gaze that I hope conveys power and strength. They are seeing me for the first time, and I want that to be their first impression. Besides, after tonight, I am no longer the hidden away princess. My entire life is about to change.

Notes from the organ chorus through the room and echo through the closed doors. It is the song of Blackwood, and while I do not hear it often, I still know every note.

I take in one final calming breath and adjust my gloves that keep slipping from the moisture in my palms.