Page 39 of Dawn of Hope
“If it matters, I didn’t know until today. The king didn’t make the final decision not to let anyone in until just before the ceremony.”
I stick my head around the edge of the screen to look at her, trying to see if she is telling the truth or just trying to settle my anger.
“Other kingdoms were actually invited?”
“Yes, but they were not allowed through the gates at the last minute. It has been a bit of a situation, trying to settle down the tempers. You can imagine that there are some that feel lied to and tricked.”
I huff and disappear behind the screen again. I don’t give a shit if my father has to deal with some upset rulers. He did this to himself. Besides, they aren’t the only ones feeling lied to and tricked.
“I know you’re angry, but your safety is the priority.”
“Safety from what?” I yell as I come out from behind the screen, tucking the oversized shirt into my pants. “The only time I’ve spoken to anyone outside of this castle was a few weeks ago, and none of them have any idea who I really am! What secret threat is my father scared of? Why is he depriving me of everything that every other king and queen of this kingdom has had? What is he so afraid of?”
“Where are you going?” She ignores my questions and eyes my outfit, puzzled.
“Out.” I stomp over to the wardrobe and grab a pair of worn in boots. I drop to the floor in the most un-princess like manner I can muster, and start pulling them on, ignoring Brynne.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
“I am,” I say firmly. I stand and pull a dark cloak from the rack and drape it over my shoulders.
“You are not,” she grinds out, stomping toward me.
“I am. I can’t be here right now, Brynne. I need todo something. I can’t sit within these walls, being the perfect little obedient princess that he’s still trying to force me to be.”
“Not tonight, of all nights. It is far too dangerous, with too many unknowns in the city.”
“And whose fault is that? If everything would have gone as it should have, I would have been under constant supervision. But I don’t care. I’m going.”
“No.” She moves in front of the door, blocking my only exit.
I stare her down and drop my voice. I never want to speak to anyone like this, especially her. I hate pulling rank. She is my guard, yes, but she is also my friend, and a piece of my heart breaks knowing that I have to do this.
“As your future queen, I command you to stand guard of my rooms and inform anyone who comes looking for me I am not taking visitors.”
A flicker of hurt flashes in her eyes. Her loyalty is to the crown, and after the past hour, I am now the crown. Any threats she made before to tell my father on the guise of me being in danger are now over. Sure, she could still tell him, but her duty wouldn’t let her. I know she is trying to protect me, but it is her job to follow orders, my orders. She can’t say no.
She nods, her jaw clenching before gritting out, “Yes, princess.”
I turn to the mirror and pull up my hood. I don’t bother darkening or braiding my hair, instead just shove it far back into the hood so it ishidden. My face is still covered in Tila’s makeup, but I don’t care. I’m not going to waste time taking it off. It is getting late, and the library will be closing soon, so I need to hurry.
“Will you at least tell me what you have been doing? What is so important that you’re putting yourself at risk? If something happens, I need to know where to find you.”
I weigh the consequences of telling her. If there is anyone in this castle I don’t feel will judge me, it is Edmond, but I still hadn’t told him. Brynne is a close second. I don’t want her to pity me, or to think what I am doing is in vain. But I also don’t want her to stop me.
I understand her need to ensure my safety, and I don’t want anything to happen to her if I am successful and she has to explain. I need someone on my side.
I need to tell her.
“I’ve been trying to find a cure for my mother.” The look of shock on her face startles me. She rarely lets her emotions show, but surprise cracks through. I keep going before she can interrupt me and take away the courage I had to muster.
“I read through everything in our library, so I tried looking in the city. I looked for weeks through anything that could help. Books, notes, case studies from healers. There was nothing. But Edmond…gave me something.”
I hold back from telling her about the diary. It feels too personal to share with anyone. It is mine, the one connection I have to her, and my motivation for doing all of this. While I’m sure Edmond knows the contents, no one else needs to. I can hold that close to my heart.
“It made me see that I have wasted enough time ignoring what happened. I overheard the healer telling Father it was time to let her go, and now I can’t fathom giving up on her.
“The problem is, I haven’t found anything, and I have no idea when my father is going to decide he has held on for long enough. I had another idea, but it was something I never thought I would try. After tonight,though? After my father so clearly showed he doesn’t care about what is best for me, I want my mother back. I need to do whatever I can to get her back, and maybe all of this,” I gesture to the castle around me, “would change. Maybe I’d actually have a normal life, as normal as it can be for the future queen.”