Page 50 of Never Forever

“Bruce, thank you. You’re a life saver. Put it on my tab, would you?” I said. “Matt? I hope a bird poops on your head.”

Not my finest moment, but at least I got the last word.

“Cut!”Jessica called out to the crew.

Jessica Barnes was the director I’d picked for this film. And the production company, so excited to have me signed onto the project, had agreed. She’d done an indie film about two sisters left alone at a cabin for the summer that reminded me so perfectly of my childhood with Annie. I’d seen it in the theaters and cried so hard I had to call my sister from my seat.

The truth was, I hadn’t lied to Matt earlier that morning. We were nearly done with filming. Four, maybe five days left to go. A week tops. We were just doing reshoots. Most of the cast was gone. Some of the crew.

“Can we do that again?” Jessica asked, pulling her headset off her head. She approached the set with its fake snow and abundance of Christmas decorations. There was Christmas garland hung with white fairy lights and red and green tinsel everywhere. Fake icicles and ribbons. I was so tired of Christmas I might never celebrate it again.

“Again?” I said, trying not to sound like an upset toddler and failing.

“I know you’re tired, Carrie,” she whispered when she got close. “I’m also aware that it’s fucking hot.”

“So fucking hot,” I said, wearing my heavy winter coat, wool hat and mittens. I almost wept. But nope. Instead, I smiled at her.

I could never stop smiling.

The second you stopped smiling, paparazzi found you and sold a picture of you looking constipated. Then it was plastered all over the internet and followed you until you died.

Or worse, the second you stopped smiling, some man somewhere called you difficult.

Matt was right. I did get our first lead fired. Forget what he did to local shop owner, Mari Smith, back in college, the guy was a disgusting scum bag to women in general.

We had to wait to recast my love interest, a snowman who magically becomes a man, then falls head over heels with me. Total Christmas delightfulness. Those delays meant we were filming a Christmas movie in August. Maine in August was a beautiful, magical place. Bright blue skies, ice cream stands, sandy beaches full of people.

And seven million percent humidity. And bugs the size of helicopters.

Did I mention the humidity?

All of the movie was filmed in sweaters or winter coats. In one scene I wore two scarves. Two. Who needs two scarves? No one. Not even in winter.

Jessica loved my hair, which only made sense, my hair was amazing. But she wanted more of it. So I had scarves, winter boots and hair extensions.

In August.

And I could never, ever stop smiling.

Jessica saw what I was doing and smiled back at me. I was a soldier. A smiling, sweating soldier in fake hair and two scarves. “What do you need?” I asked her.

“Some lust. I need some lust from you for the snowman.”

“Lust?” Lust for a fake snowman. Was this my life? Really? I was sweating so much inside this coat, it was a river down my spine.

“Longing?” she said.

Longing I could do. I was an expert on longing. Tragic, painful longing.

“Got it.”

“You’re amazing, Carrie,” she said under her breath. “I can’t wait to work with you again.”

Sally, who did my makeup, ran over to me and powdered me up. “You can tell me,” I said, closing my eyes just briefly so she could get me all over. “How bad is it?”

“You will need a chisel,” she said. A chisel to get off the caked-on powder. Lovely.

“Thank you, Sally,” I said. With a smile.