Page 51 of Never Forever

“Quiet on set,” Jessica yelled.

I turned to face the fake snowman, who in the next scene was going to turn into a really handsome new actor, Lee Riley, who was killing it. He understood this was camp. Fantasy. He never once made it seem like he didn’t believe it a hundred percent. He never acted above it, or was uncomfortable with the silly factor.

I found myself following his lead. Together we were doing something kind of amazing.

“Rolling and…” Jessica said quietly.

We were filming in the town square and for the first few weeks we’d had Calico Cove natives bring lawn chairs and coolers and watch the filming. Madame Za wandered around selling fortunes and tarot readings. She would even, I’d heard, tell you what kind of snowman you’d be in our movie world.

Everyone quickly realized watching a movie being made was actually very boring and they scattered.

Only my high school theater teacher Ms. Weidman still came by. She’d sit in the park out of shot and watch me. Whenever I was done with a scene, I’d find myself looking over at her just to see what she thought.

Her opinion had always held a lot of weight. Getting a good job from her was like winning an academy award. Which was something I planned on saying when I won my first academy award.

All that to say, the town was being very cool despite their annoyance with our delay, and there was no interference on set.

“Action,” Jessica said.

I tilted my head, looked at the fake snowman and sighed heavily.

Then I did what I always did when I needed to get in touch with some painful emotion I’d buried down deep in my psyche, I opened my soul to all those agonizing memories of Matthew Sullivan.

I remembered the ache in my stomach whenever I thought of him.

Of his hair. His smell. The feel of his hands in mine, the callouses on his fingers. The way, sometimes, his tee shirt pulled across his back.

How I’d never met a guy who seemed so…noble.

It was all bullshit, of course. In the end, he was a jackass who dumped me.

Except, at the time, I’d bought it.

I looked at that snowman and I channeled all that old yearning.

“If I could have one wish,” I said. “One stupid Christmas wish.”

“A better apartment?” My quirky, zany, sexually ambiguous best friend said. “Better hair? Oh, wait, a better job.”

I shot him a play dirty look and he bumped my shoulder with his. “Kidding,” he said. “Your hair is fabulous.”

“I’d wish for a better man,” I said. Looking at the snowman again, I bit the edge of my bottom lip for just a little bit of lust. I picked up the fedora hat on his head and set it at a rakish angle. “I’d wish for this guy here to come to life and sweep me-”

HOOOOOOOONK!

The ferry horn blasted.

“That MOTHER FUCKER!” I shouted. There was no way he needed to blast that horn for that long. He was doing it to mess with us.

“Cut!” Jessica shouted. “You want five?”

“No,” I snapped. There were two more blasts from the ferry and I closed my eyes and imagined murdering Matt Sullivan with my bare hands. That would be nice. It would feel good. “He’s on his way out to the island. He won’t be back for another forty minutes. Let’s finish this.”

I gathered all my pieces, and I opened my eyes and…

I smiled.

We finished earlyin the afternoon because Guillermo, my lovely friend and co-star, nearly passed out from heatstroke. Jessica felt she got the shots she needed.