Page 83 of Never Forever

I suddenly wished I hadn’t done this. I’d gone too far and forgotten the fundamental truth between us: Matt Sullivan did not want me the way I wanted him.

He didn’t when we were young.

He didn’t now.

Fuck. Now this was embarrassing.

He pulled himself away so fast it was disorienting. One second I had a cock in my hand and the next it was gone.

“I can’t…not…” he grunted and stammered. “You don’t get what’s happening…how badly…”

Oh my God. Did he not want me?

“I can’t…not without you,” he finished.

His hands were in my hair, holding me still. The man who didn’t want to touch me a second ago now couldn’t stop. He kissed me like I was his and he couldn’t get enough. I couldn’t remember what I was fighting anymore. I couldn’t remember my embarrassment or my anger. He burned it all away.

He wanted me as much as I wanted him.

Suddenly, he spun me and I was pressed face first against the wall next to his door. His chest was pressed to my back. His breath on my cheek. He was hot and hard all around me, and every bit of desire I was holding at bay, flooded my body.

Anything. That’s what I would give him. Anything he wanted.

His finger was on my clit, his cock between my legs. I felt him hard and dripping against my bare ass. This…this was happening. I was panicked and scared. And so fucking ready for it. Dying for it.

“You want this?” he asked.

The game was over.

“Yes. Yes. Please. Just…”

He pulled my hips out, kicked my legs out wider and thrust high and hard inside of me. A scream was ripped from my throat and I pressed my face to the inside of my elbow to silence myself.

Matt went completely still against my shoulder. He’d stop if he thought he’d hurt me and I couldn’t allow that.

“Are you…good?” he panted.

Was I good? Good? What a stupid word. What a useless, meaningless word. Good? I was incandescent. I was feral. I was terrified. I was in ruins.

If I opened my mouth all the wrong words would come out and so I kept it shut. The words trapped in my throat. I pressed back against his hips, telling him without words that I wanted more. Needed more.

He made a dark sound against my neck and wrapped his arms around me, so I was surrounded by him.

I would never say this. Not in a million years, but this was what I loved most about Matt. The way he could make my body feel small, my mind feel quiet and my heart, my stupid heart, feel like a song.

“Fuck me. So fucking good. I forgot how fucking good. But you need to be with me,” he said, his finger working my clit and I just nodded and gave up. “Let me make you come, Carrie.”

I gave up everything. Control. Power. Anger. All my injured feelings. And I just let Matt Sullivan fuck me and make me feel good. He pounded into me hard, with his cock, but his finger was light, almost gentle on my clit, like he wanted to tease the climax out of me.

I came apart in his arms with a gasp as he came apart against my back, slamming against my ass, taking me so deep even as he shuddered. Saying my name over and over like a prayer and holding me so tight I could feel his breath on my neck. The beat of his heart.

For a second we were beautiful. We weren’t the past. Or the hurt. We were just two bodies, breathing together.

But nothing good between us could last.

He leaned back and the air was cold against my sweaty skin.

He cleared his throat. I coughed into my fist.