Page 118 of Making the Save

Dad was too old for me to hit. Too old to hit me.

“Didn’t have anything better to do,” he said and I glared at him.

“Don’t give me that face,” he said. “I didn’t fuck this up.”

“I didn’t fuck it up either,” I snapped.

“Yes, you did. You let a girl who loves you get away, and that, my son, is the biggest fuck up of them all.”

If she loved me, then why did she kick me out of her life so completely? Why wouldn’t she answer my calls? Return a fucking text so I would know she’s alright?

Why did she blow up her own life just to clear an escape path for me?

“Dad, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Yes, you do. Texting me to remind me to pay my cell phone bill was your way of reaching out. I know that.”

“Sometimes you forget to pay that bill and it cuts off your service. I told you to automate that payment but you refuse to listen.”

He nodded. “Yep. Also, you were trying to reach out. Here I am. Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. You’re wrong about the text.”

I stomped across the yard toward the cabin, climbed the steps and walked inside, always prepared for the gut punch when I did.

This cabin was filled with her. Her toothpaste. Her blanket. Her art. Her scent, her ghost, her smile, her laughter. Her goddamn virginity.

I never should have brought her here.

Except, it was too late for that. Too late for all of that. I walked over to the sink and poured myself a glass of water, chugging it so I wouldn’t have to turn around and face my dad.

“And what about this? Is this something to talk about?”

I turned around to find him holding up a big manilla envelope that had been on the corner of the counter for a week. The return address was some law office in New York. I hadn’t opened it. I knew what was inside.

“My guess is they’re divorce papers for me to sign.”

My dad looked at the envelope. “Funny you wouldn’t have just opened it.”

“I just want to talk to her before I sign. That’s all.”

“Hmm. That’s all.” Dad tossed aside the envelope and sat on our sofa.

Our sofa.

There was no help for it, I was going to have to throw the whole damn thing out.

“Why don’t you tell me what happened, son? What blew it all up?”

I still wasn’t totally sure. I’d played it over in my head a million times. Yes, I’d been a bit of an ass, but I’d been a bit of an ass plenty of times. What was different?

The only thing I could think was truly different – was her. I told her I wanted more and she didn’t want me the same way?

“We were at the award show. I told her that I was changing my mind about certain things and she got angry. Like really angry, and left with one of her exes. You saw what she said the next morning.”

He nodded. “You don’t think she still had a thing for the ex?”

I shook my head and took another sip of water. Axil’s secret wasn’t mine to share.