Page 119 of Making the Save
“No, I don’t. All that shit they say about Sydney being a cheater, or flakey, is bullshit.”
“What were you changing your mind about?”
“Huh?”
“You said you told her you were changing your mind about some things,” Dad said. “Like what, for instance?”
“Splitting up. Going our separate ways.”
“So you said, Sydney, I love you. I’ve changed my mind about splitting up and I want us to have a real relationship.”
“Not…exactly.”
I told my dad the conversation as best I could remember, and when I got to the natural conclusion line my dad put his head in his hands and groaned.
“What?” I asked.
“Does that seem romantic to you?”
“No!” I shouted. “Of course it doesn’t. But I don’t know what I’m doing, Dad! If this was a game, I’d being seeing every move, all the ice, but she’s got me feeling like I’m skating blind.”
“How is it that Liam got all the charm and you got nothing but my stubbornness?”
“Not stubborn, steadfast. Because someone had to make sure there was food on the table!” I shouted. Suddenly I was uncorked. All the things I never said, pouring out of my mouth. “You and Liam took care of Mom, so I had to take care of everything else.”
Dad blinked at me and I knew I’d wounded him, but fuck.
I knew I was an idiot when it came to feelings, but it’s not like Iwantedto be.
“I arranged car pools for me and Liam when you couldn’t leave Mom alone on the weekends. I got us registered for school and made sure Liam’s grades stayed up so he could keep playing. I went grocery shopping and made sure the taxes were paid-”
“Okay, son,” Dad said quietly.
“I don’t know how to be soft. Or gentle. Or charming. I know how to protect the people I love and get shit done. That’s it.”
Then Dad did something he hadn’t done since Mom died. Even after the Stanley Cup Finals. He stood up, crossed the room and hugged me. It took a second to fight off the urge to push him away, but I calmed myself down and hugged him back.
“I’m sorry, Wyatt,” he whispered. “I knew you were doing all of that for us. I knew and was just so grateful, that I never stopped and wonderedifyou should be doing that.”
“It’s okay, Dad.”
“It’s not. It’s not at all. But I was wrong. You are not totally without charm or gentleness. I saw you with Syd and it was like seeing the man you’re supposed to be.”
I stepped away, pulled myself free of his arms. “She doesn’t want me. She served me with divorce papers.”
Dad crossed his arms over his chest and I braced myself for the epic dad lecture that was coming my way. “I told you the story of how your mother and I got together. For a year, I went tothe diner for breakfast. A year, I sat in her section at the counter just to exchange a couple of words. Time. Patience. That’s what it means to love.”
“She’s still going to want to make music, make albums, go to fucking award shows.”
“Oh, poor Wyatt. Married to an independent and talented woman. Such a hardship for you to get all fancied up a few nights a year, if she’s lucky enough to be nominated.”
“And what about hockey?” I asked.
“What about it?”
“How does she fit into that life?”
“How do you?” he asked, and I felt my body sag. Exhausted before preseason even started. “I know it weighs on you. I know your body is tired. You know retirement isn’t giving up, or quitting or failing,” he said. “It’s just retirement.”