Page 4 of For the Cameras
On the countertop there were plastic bottles of vitamins and health powders directly next to a few bottles of rum. From the corner of my eye I saw one of the bright orange vitamin bottles, and heat flashed through my body, my cheeks going molten.
The particular vitamins were called “Hard-4-Long,” and written across the front in bold letters,Guaranteed to Promote Masculine Virility.
It was bad enough for me to balance the shock of having a bunch of strangers pouring into my house one by one.
Especially the one stranger in particular—Chase, the blond camera guy who was making me feel even more awkward than I usually did.
I’d noticed the streak in his hair the moment he’d walked into the kitchen and started setting up the big cameras on theirtripods. The stylish swoop of his blond hair was already cool enough, but with the shock of blue at one edge that matched his eyes, it was impossible not to notice him.
When he’d finally noticedme, the connection between my brain and my tongue had gone all haywire.
But now I had multiple pairs of eyes on a bottle of hard dick pills that I’d completely forgotten I had on the counter. I’d never even used the things before. They’d been a free sample from an online supplement store I got tea from months ago.
“Oh, uh, sure—I meant to move those earlier,” I said, reaching to pick them up. “Always good to keep things balanced in life, right? Liquor at night, vitamins in the morning….”
I didn’t know what the hell I was saying. I was used to being a socially awkward lone wolf, and normally I didn’t pay any mind to what I had lying around my house.
I certainly wasn’t used to having hot blond guys looking around in here.
“No shame in that game,” Chase said. “There were a few weeks last year where I drank rum every night before I went to bed. I started to worry about it, but then I realized it was just a temporary depression because I’d been dumped, and once I found a new guy to hook up with, I felt great again. …And, I’m officially talking too much.”
You’re not talking too much,I thought, even though I was too tongue-tied right now to say it out loud.
I like people who talk too much.
Please, talk more, so that I can recede back into my shell and just listen instead of scrambling to figure out what to say?
“Ah, I’m sorry to hear that,” I finally managed to say.
“I’ve been told I’m the TMI King more than once,” Chase said. “I apologize in advance.”
I was still blushing from the bottle of hard dick pills, but Chase didn’t seem to care. He was already busy bringing a biglens up to one of the cameras, reaching his arm up to attach it. I could tell he was in his element, setting up the cameras like a well-oiled machine. I let my eyes linger for a moment, not knowing what else to do while I waited.
He was lean, but there was clear, defined muscle coming from the sleeve of his white T-shirt. As I’d watched him bring in all of the heavy cameras, I realized how strong camera guys must get, working with heavy equipment every day for filming.
“Are you excited to start filming today?” Chase said, and it took me a moment to realize he was talking to me. “Ready to be a star?”
Truthfully, I would have rather gotten jury duty than be on a TV show today. It was definitely cool to know that I’d be on the hit Fixer Brothers home renovation TV show, but I was utterly terrified that I’d have to actually be on camera for a popular show.
“My house will be the star, not me,” I said, looking down and smoothing out my shirt, checking it for fluff or lint for the tenth time today. “I wanted to ask someone on the crew if what I’m wearing would work for the show. Do I need to wear something fancy? I changed way too many times this morning before going back to my original shirt, and now I'm not sure.”
Chase looked me up and down in a way that made me feel more seen than I usually did.
“I think you made the right choice,” Chase said. “Really. You look perfect, and you’ll be perfect on camera.”
He was being kind to me, but there wasn’t a shot in hell I’d be good on camera. The only camera I was comfortable in front of was my own phone, and…
Well, the type of videos I filmed of myself weren’t exactly the same. They were anonymous. The kind of thing I could only ever film alone. No one knew I uploaded videos of myself on the OnlyShots website, and no one ever would.
That version of me didn’t exist in normal life.
In fact, the only place Ididn’tfeel socially awkward was when I was filming myself coming for strangers on the internet, paradoxically.
Last night I’d looked up an article on how to be less socially awkward. I’d done it dozens of times, staring at my computer screen late at night, wondering how I could get myself to be more comfortable around new people.
The top tip in the article?If you’re feeling anxious, name it. Make a joke of it, and don’t be afraid to tell people that you’re feeling nervous.
I cleared my throat, leaning against my kitchen island.