Page 51 of The Plus-One Deal

I couldn’t lose Claire for good.

CHAPTER 21

CLAIRE

Isat on the bench studying my shoelaces.

I knew I should get up and get through my workout, but the very idea made me want to crawl into bed. Burrow into the pillows and pull the blankets up close, and sleep the whole day away, and then the whole night.

Half an hour on the treadmill, I told myself.

My head spun and pounded.

Twenty minutes. Fifteen.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this dog-tired. Maybe in college, crashing off an all-nighter. But no, even then, I’d bounced back in a day. I’d been drooping for weeks now, yawning at my desk. Falling into bed barely past nine. I had Verity’s pop-up show later tonight. I couldn’t be like this there, or our deal might collapse. She’d signed on a week ago, but she had eight weeks to pull out. If she thought I was slacking, taking her goodwill for granted…

I yawned hugely and sighed. Was this depression? I didn’t feel sad. I’d been keeping too busy. Plus, I ached all over. My food tasted weird. This felt more physical, some kind of illness, brought on by stress maybe. Wearing me down.

I kicked off my gym shoes, giving up on my workout, and pulled out my phone and called my doctor. She told me I was in luck: she’d had a cancellation. If I could make it in half an hour, she’d see me today. Soon, I was perched on the edge of her examining table, feeling exposed in my thin paper gown. She’d finished her standard poking and prodding, and now I was waiting while she ran some quick tests. Half nodding off right there on her table. Why couldn’t I wake up? What was my problem?

A bolt of fear lanced through me. What if it was cancer? I’d heard of people going to the doctor feeling tired and run down, thinking maybe they had mono or a touch of the flu, only to come out with what could be a death sentence. I’d fight it, of course. Do whatever I had to, chemo, radiation. But what would happen to Timeless? My dreams? My empire? I’d worked so hard to get to this point. I couldn’t lose it all. I’d have to find some way. Bring on a partner. A management team. Arrange my schedule around my treatments, and no one would have to find out I was sick.

The door slid back open and Dr. Miller came in. She glanced at her clipboard and frowned. My chest tightened.

“Did you find something bad?”

“No, not at all. Oh, are you cold?” She handed me my clothes. “You can put these back on now.”

I realized I was shaking, not from cold, but from nerves. “What did you test for? Will I need time off work?”

She blinked. “Time off work? Only if you want to. I mean, six, seven months from now, you’ll want to take leave, but?—”

Six, seven months?I’d heard wrong. I must have. Or she meant something else, not… “Are you saying I’m pregnant?”

She smiled. “You are. I still have some other tests I’d like to run, but those take a few days to come back from the lab. I’ll tell you right now, though, I’m just covering my bases. All the symptoms you’re describing sound like early pregnancy to me.”

I gaped at her, speechless, trying to wrap my head around that. Pregnant. I was… pregnant? Sadness washed over me, and I wasn’t sure why. This wasn’t bad, was it? I did want kids. But tears welled up, stinging, and pricked at my eyes.

“I can give you some vitamins,” Dr. Miller was saying. “Or, of course there are options, if?—”

“No. No, I want this.” I blinked hard, but tears still spilled over. She handed me a Kleenex and I wiped them away. That was when it hit me, the source of my sadness: five minutes ago, I’d thought I had cancer. I’d been preparing myself mentally to face it alone. Now I had good news,greatnews even, and I was still alone, no one to tell. I should be sharing this with Conrad, but what would he think? He couldn’t make time for me, let alone a family.

I sniffed, wiped my nose, and took another Kleenex. It didn’t seem fair. He’d be such a good father. He’d been great on the island, helping Jake find his folks. Endlessly patient, endlessly kind. He’d had an instinct I’d never had, known what to do like it was second nature. I’d have to learn all that from square one, how to be good with kids. How to be a mother.

I got dressed and left, but I didn’t go back to work. I found a small park instead, with a few trees and a fountain, and sat on a shaded bench watching the water. Whenever I thought of the new life inside me, my heart leaped and fluttered and my chest filled with warmth. Then I thought of Conrad, and I went cold. I had to tell him, at least. He’d figure it out from the timing. I sat on my bench and composed text after text, and I might never have sent any of them if my thumb hadn’t slipped. What I ended up sending him wasI have something, followed almost immediately bySorry, something to tell you.

Conrad left me on read, so I tried calling.

He sent me to voicemail, so I called Sunny. Ten minutes later, she showed up herself.

“I brought you a smoothie. Andwhatis his problem?” She thrust the smoothie at me, a thick purply-gray one. I took a sip, found it sweet, and took another.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I left the worst voicemail. I must’ve sounded?—”

“Who careshow you sounded?” Sunny took me by the shoulders and held me steady. “This is important. No, this ishuge. And even if it wasn’t, you are still friends, right? The whole point of friends is that they’re there when you need them. You told him you needed him?”

I nodded. I had.