Page 53 of Their Wicked Ways

A wall of crushing despair came crashing down on me. Of course he knew what I’d been trying to hide. Ez knew me better than I knew myself most days.

“Do you have feelings for him?” he pressed when I refused to meet his gaze.

I nodded. I couldn’t lie to him. Not about this.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me? Why you’ve been punishing yourself since that night with him?”

“Yeah.”

“Wes.” He put his hand on the table, palm up.

Slowly, and half expecting him to slap my hand away, I rested my palm against his. He held on tight, and his touch helped clear enough of the guilt I could look up at him.

“I love you,” he said, his voice so full of emotion it made my heart ache. “I’ve loved you since before I knew what love was.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I did. I cheated on you.”

“No, babe. You didn’t.”

“I did,” I insisted. “We promised we’d never cross that line with our play partners, and I broke that promise. I knew evenbefore that second night that he was different. I knew it, but I still went along with it. I cheated on you.”

“Babe.” He squeezed my hand. “You didn’t cheat on me. I knew you had feelings for him before we started.”

“You did?” I asked, trying to ignore the hope that mixed in with my disgust and despair.

He nodded. “And I went along with it knowing those feelings were there. None of this is on you. We made a choice. I’m just as responsible for everything as you are.”

“But—”

“You didn’t cheat on me,” he insisted. “I knew things with him would be different the moment I wanted to kiss him. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to kiss. The only person I’ve ever wanted to make love to. Sex, fucking, that’s whatever. But I knew that whatever we were going to share that night would never just be sex. So if you’re a cheater, then so am I.”

“Really?”

He nodded.

I’d spent the last month and a half twisted up in knots because I’d assumed I was the only one who felt something. Knowing Ez did too made all the difference in the world.

But instead of talking to Ez and trusting that we’d be okay, I’d been so caught up in my own head that I hadn’t even noticed Ez was going through the same thing. I’d assumed he was giving me space and that he was trying to figure out a way to end things between us.

But he’d been just as twisted up and struggling with the same thing.

“Don’t do that.” He rubbed his thumb over my knuckles.

“Do what?” I asked hollowly.

“Blame yourself for shit that isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. I need you to believe me.”

“I do,” I whispered, my throat too tight to talk normally. “I believe you.”

“Good.” He lifted my hand and brushed a soft kiss against my inner wrist. “Now we need to figure out what we’re going to do about it.”

Nervous energy filled me, but I refused to shut down again. Ez was right. We needed to figure this out.

Somehow the three of us had gone back to pretending like we’d never seen each other naked. We joked and chatted at work, falling into an easy friendship with not just Jett, but everyone on the crew.