Page 37 of Menage a Passions

“This is the face of a menace,”Rebecca wrote in the text she sent Caitlyn.“Get your ass home immediately so she can take this out on you for a change.”

She sent some fire and faux-angry emojis to send the point home.

“So, round two?” Jane cheekily asked. “This time you can ride my arse.”

Rebecca thought about it. The fact she did made her laugh again.

Chapter 11

Caitlyn

She was used to the lake house in Iowa being her hideaway, a home away from home that reminded her of childhood without necessarily subjecting her to family. Now, though?

Sure, the air was fresh. Sure, the food was fresh. What she got to enjoy of both!

“What do you mean I can’t use lard?” Christine followed Izzy out of the kitchen, hunting down the pageant coach in the backyard, where Caitlyn was attempting to meditate before the sun went down. “You can’t fry chicken without lard!”

Izzy gasped, making it halfway to Caitlyn before coming down on the woman who had traveled from Des Moines to help her daughter.

“You arenotmaking fried chicken for dinner.” Izzy slammed her hands on her hips before wagging a finger in Christine’s direction. “I swear to God, if I see anythingfriedin this housebefore we head off to New York, I will personally kick you into that lake!”

Christine huffed as if this were the first time anyone ever pushed back on her cooking. “What the hell am I supposed to do with all this chicken I got at the market? Do you know how cheap it is out here? My God, you’re the one who told me to cook with white meats this month!”

“I thought it was pretty obvious I meant we were having cooked chicken breast for dinner. Especially Caitlyn.Leanproteins.” Izzy smacked one hand into the other. “Fresh vegetables with low oil and the only carbs on that plate will be brown rice and quinoa. Can you do that for me, Christine, hm? Can you boil a chicken breast?”

“Can Iboila chicken breast?” Christine puffed out her breast as if that would further her point. “Yes, Ican,but I’d rather drown myself in the lake than lower myself toboilinga chicken breast! You will get it grilled, and you will take it!” She turned around and marched back into the kitchen. “I hope somespicesare okay, Miss Keto! Because I will be damned if any of my food gets posted on the internet and everyone makes fun of a Midwestern cook!”

Izzy clicked her tongue when she was finally left alone with Caitlyn. “What does being Midwestern have to do with anything? Non-fried chicken breast is the healthiest thing alongside fresh fish to get your protein before the show.” She kicked some of the dirt while looking at her phone. “She was your mother during all your other pageants. Doesn’t she know that?”

Caitlyn refused to let this diminish the low-stress environment she had cultivated for herself that evening. “You came for her chicken. Chicken is more sacred than a Thanksgiving turkey dinner or the meatloaf recipe she created from scratch when Iwas nine. Do you know what the secret ingredient is?Mustard seed.”

“Remind me to remind her that meatloaf is also banned until the pageant is over.”

“Iz.” Caitlyn motioned for her coach to sit with her at the patio table separating the deck from the lakefront. “My mom means well. Without her, we’d be going crazy trying to do everythingandeat well. She doesn’t understand things like no fried foods unless you give her a viable alternative. Just so we’re clear?” Caitlyn poked Izzy in the shoulder. “I am not eatingboiledchicken. I am also not letting my mom become an internet meme when she has a come to Jesus moment over whether she should post it to her Instagram like everything else she cooks.”

A sigh rippled along the lake's surface. “How did you not weigh an extra fifty pounds when you last did the circuit? If I caught any of my other girls eating fried chicken a month before a competition, I woulddie.”

“I was in my twenties when I last did a pageant,” Caitlyn reminded her. “You’re right that I can’t get away with it now.” Caitlyn was on a mission to lose a total of fifteen pounds in two months.It’s a lot harder than it used to be…Usually, half of that would be water weight melting off in the first two weeks. So far? She was halfway to her goal, but not without hating half of the things she ate.I did not miss this part of pageantry.“Besides, I’ve always been overweight. I’ve been blessed with a body type that distributes the fat in a way society has deemedfine.Now, the stretch marks and cellulite from daring to get older over the years? That’s a different story.”

“Those products from Korea will be here tomorrow.” Izzy was all smiles again. “Also, I haven’t forgotten your favorite tricks to cover up blemishes on your thighs. Your skin tone hasn’t changed much, right? Great. I’ll put in an order to make your root vegetable paste.”

“We can get all of that at the farmer’s market.”

Izzy put her phone down. “Right. I forgot you have those out here.”

“And they’ll all be organic.”

“You know what’s best in that regard, Cait.”

Yes, I do.Caitlyn had made multiple things clear when she accepted the invitation to represent Iowa on a national stageandto have Izzy back as her coach for the occasion. There would be no dwelling on her weight, for one thing. The weigh-ins of her past weregone,outside of one at the beginning of her month-long focus and one at the end so she could report it to the pageant.The fact I still have to…Her asshole doctor would probably like to hear the news!Let him eat cake while watching my numbers show up on his television screen.

Caitlyn was old enough now that she knew her boundaries. She also knew that the pageant needed her more than she needed it, despite the stroke to her ego knowing that she was still considered beautiful enough to strut out on a stage in front of all of America. So, she wouldn’t let anyone, least of all Izzy, bully her about her appearance. Caitlyn was competing against other married women over the age of thirty-five, many of them mothers. It was a level enough playing field, even if most of those same women were rich or privileged enough to have nannies and au pairs.

She also made it clear to the pageant that while she was fine with them using her lesbian marriage as an angle to market her to the judges and audience, she wasnotfine with them bringing up Rebecca or the fact that it was a polyamorous marriage.Most audiences will not understand.Izzy eventually came around to that boundary, and Christine agreed that it would not be treated tastefully.

Ah, and Christine being part of the team was a must as well. If Caitlyn was doing this, she wanted her number one cheerleaderin her back pocket. The fact that Christine knew how to dress up plain chicken and quinoa without breaking the calorie banks was a plus.

“Gunnar will be here tomorrow with the dress samples,” Izzy said over their dinner of spicy grilled chicken, brown rice, and steamed vegetables drizzled with balsamic vinaigrette. “Now, I’ve told him that your best colors are the demure solids like soft blue, wine red, etc., etc., but I do think we should lean into the prints. This pageant is more about your personality thanhow you represent your home state,so we don’t have to be like other Iowan gals of the past few years who kept dressing in corn gold and…” Izzy dropped her fork to remember it. “That one who dressed like the woman fromAmerican Gothic,but sexy.”