Page 60 of Beyond the Rules
I leveled my best glare at him while attempting to pull away, but his arm clamped over my shoulder and held me in place. Since I couldn’t get away, I grumbled. “Do you really think I’m acting like a dramaqueen?”
He licked his spoon. “You were talking about putting your head in an alligator’s mouth amomentago.”
I narrowed my eyes on him. “Stopanalyzingme.”
“Stopbullshittingme.”
I pulled at my hair. “Can’t a girl get any sympathyaroundhere?”
“Ooh, you wanted sympathy?” He tapped the spoon against his lips. “Why didn’t you tell me in the first place? Silly me. I thought you wanted help in figuring out what the hell is going on inyourhead.”
“Tanner!”
“Dish it out, Nina.” He dropped the spoon back in the bucket and plunked it on the night table. “Why are you in such atizzy?”
What was it about Tanner’s mind that homed in on my junk and wouldn’t let go? I’d put out all my “chaff” and yet he was still coming after me like one of those hellishmissiles.
I stared at my hands and mumbled. “I don’t know how todothis.”
“Dowhat?”
“This,” Isaid. “Us.”
“Okay,” he said, accepting, validating. “Nothing wrong with not knowing. The question is, are you willing to findaway?”
“I…Idon’tknow.”
My stomach plummeted in reaction to the hurt that dulled Tanner’s eyes. Then the pain was gone, concealed, suppressed, replaced with his professional mask, the one that denied his emotions and focused on meinstead.
“Tanner, I don’t mean to hurt yourfeelings—”
“This is not about me,” he said, the behavioral master, firmly in command. “This is about you. What parts of this are you havingtroublewith?”
He wasn’t letting me in. And why should he? We were just sleeping together. The rational warrior in him had taken over. In any case, I couldn’t tell Tanner that it was getting really deep around here and that I was afraid of drowning in more ways than one. Was it possible for a woman who didn’t believe in love to care a lot, and for more thanoneman?
I couldn’t tell him I was getting attached, to him, to Aiden, even to cranky Zar. He’d probably diagnose me with some sort of emotional disorder if I admitted to that. I couldn’t tell him how good it felt to live in this house, that I enjoyed star hunting, and that I hadn’t missed the city a single day since I gotten here, all things that had me wondering if I was in over my head and committing emotional suicide by staying here. So I focused on one thing, the mostimmediateone.
“Aiden told me that helovedme.”
“Ah.” Tanner’s eyes glittered. “So it’s the ‘L’ word giving youtrouble.”
“It’s not possible.” My stomach ached. “He can’tloveme.”
His amazing eyebrows questioned me. “Whynot?”
“I’ve been here for only a few weeks,” I said. “He doesn’t understand what he’s feeling. He’s in lust with me, but he doesn’tloveme.”
“Oh, I see.” Tanner said. “So now you know how Aiden feels better than Aidenhimself?”
“That’s not what I said.” I clasped my hands together and sighed. “Aiden is vulnerable and I worry I couldhurthim.”
“Wow,” Tanner said, shaking his head. “You just gave yourself even less credit than you gave Aiden, which, by the way, was verylittle.”
“Huh?”
“Just because a guy was wounded or is suffering from PTSD doesn’t mean he can’t understand how he feels abouthisgirl.”
“Oh, no, I didn’t mean to…” God, I was messing this majorly. “Look, Aiden is confusing his feelings for me, but only because he’s been isolated up here and he’s also young and not super-experienced withrelationships.”