Page 66 of The Love We Make

“Maddy?” He called when we were about 20 feet apart. I schooled my face into a smile and turned around to him. “A month?”

It was the first acknowledgment of our deal and the first time my stomach didn’t threaten to heave since I woke up that morning.

“Yep.”

Chapter 23

Ethan

I did the best I could.

It wasn’t easy.

But I focused on being who she expected me to be and I let her go.

After making love to her one last time that night in New York, I laid there awake, our bodies connected. Once I was sure she had fallen asleep, I pulled the hair from covering her face and watched her for as long as I could, soaking up all of our last moments like that together.

Then I steeled myself and got up.

I had to.

I was weaker when I was up against her. Touching her.

Once I had my shower, I had somehow convinced myself that I was too in my feelings for Madison. It’s not like I loved her any more or any less than I did before. I loved her just the same. So the feeling of loss must have just been a sex-high.

Besides, I always had trouble saying bye to Madison, this wasn’t any different really. She said she needed a month of not seeing my face to make sure she could separate our friendship from the sex. And I respected that.

Hated it but respected it.

She had sent me a quick text that she had gotten home safely and I returned her text with a confirmation that I made it to Arizona. But that was three days ago and I had yet to hear from her again. Nor was I sure if I should text her.

She said she needed a month before she saw me again but I wasn’t sure how much communication she wanted. So I remained silent and waited for her to reach out to me.

“You pitching today or what?” Eddie asked me, sitting next to me in the locker room.

I shoved my phone into my locker and grabbed my glove, “Yep.”

“Shouldn't you be taking your batting practice, stretching, or whatever else you need to do? You seem off man.”

I was off.

I wasn’t used to pitching without at least getting a “Good Luck” text from Madison. I thought since this was my first start since the All-star break that it would be the day she interrupted the silence.

But she didn't. And I was forced to put my phone down and move the fuck on.

I stood with Eddie and gave him a shaky laugh, “Yeah, I guess I am still on a break.”

Eddie eyed me for a minute but didn’t ask questions. I kept to our deal and never told anyone about sleeping with Madison. It was just us two, our secret. But I was afraid Eddie was piecing it all together.

I was worried I wasthattransparent.

How would he even know, though? How would he even guess? The truth was outlandish and unbelievable for anyone who knew us. Right?

Luckily, he shoved a bat into my chest and told me to go take some swings to loosen up. He was right. That was what I needed. To unwind and get ready to pitch.

Unfortunately, being in the batter’s box only reminded me of the fact that I had already hit the ultimate home run and now the swings were meaningless. They did nothing to loosen me up and get me into the right headspace.

Once the game started, I circled the mound unsure if I was going to be able to keep my head in the game. Had I known that having sex with Madison would fuck me up this much, I wouldn’t have done it.