Page 86 of The Love We Make

Yes, I was headed home.

I needed my mom. And maybe my dad. Although, I knew I couldn’t talk to dad the way I could mom. I needed to talk to someone I trusted and be around the people I knew loved me unconditionally.

Even Ethan’s parents loved me as their own.

I was sure I was going to spill my guts to my mom, but I knew she would keep the secrets I needed her to keep from dad and Ethan’s parents. It was just one part of our deal I had to break. Because without being able to talk about it, and without Ethan to talk to, I was lonely.

And loneliness made the pain worse.

The flight was smooth and seamless. I had dozed off a few times in between bouts of tears for poor Ben. I was so glad Ethan had taken the time to go up there. In fact, it was one of the things I loved about him.

His amazing heart.

I hoped his presence, if only for a little bit, showed Ben’s mom that her son was special and that he touched Ethan’s life the same way Ethan had touched his.

My mom and dad were waiting for me when I exited the gate. Neither one of them knew my somber reason for being home, but mom’s face fell the second she saw me.

“Maddy, are you ok?”

“Yeah,” I waved her off. “I have had a lot on my mind.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“After a yummy dinner, I will talk,” I joked.

“I will cook if you ladies want to talk,” dad added as I hugged him.

“Thanks, dad.” I didn’t have it in me to deny that I was a wreck. No pretenses for my parents. They would see right through me anyway. So I took what they gave me.

It wasn’t too far of a drive from the airport before we made it home. Ethan’s parents were on their front porch and came running when they saw me drive up. I knew they would know I was home, but I had begged them not to tell Ethan I was there. I chalked it up to him needing to concentrate and he would just worry about me. But I knew they would tell him eventually.

I hoped by then, I was better. That I could face him without it being obvious that I was having a hard time thinking of him as just a friend now.

“Maddy!” Mrs. Jones, mom number two to me, said as she ran up my parent’s driveway.

“Hey!!” I squealed, genuinely excited to see them.

“Gosh you look so good,” she added.

My heart exploded as she hugged me tightly. Part of the reason I needed to be ok with Ethan was because of this. I loved his parents and never wanted to lose them, either.

We sat outside and had idle chit chat for a while, but ironically, Ethan never came up. Normally, they asked what their crazy son was getting himself into. And then I would joke that Ethan was being his normal crazy self.

Not this time.

His name was never mentioned. I assumed he called them when he went to New York, so maybe that was why they didn’t ask—it hadn’t been long since he called home.

Once they headed back home, I made my way to my old room. Mom and dad had never changed my room from when I lived here, so the entire room was decorated the same as it was when I was in high school.

A full-size bed was in the center of the wall and posters were tacked up everywhere. I had pictures of Ethan and me throughout the years as we grew up together. They were scattered on every surface that could hold a frame.

I took just a few minutes to lower the pictures facedown. Being reminded of Ethan every time I opened my eyes would only make this trip home pointless.

Once I was unpacked and got in comfortable clothes, mom made her way into the room. She immediately noticed the pictures I had lowered but she only smiled at my efforts and came to sit beside me.

She knew.

I knew at that moment that she knew my problems were with Ethan and I would bet anything she knew why. But still, she sat beside me and rubbed my back gently, waiting for me to be ready to talk.