Page 43 of Dirty Monsters

I took Shawn’s advice and put on my smallest suit before heading back down to the pool area. On the door to the pool was a sign, “Pool closed for a private session.”

Ro and I would be alone. It was barely ten o’clock, the sun was shining, and people could see us from any point as they walked by. But no one would be able to hear us. A tingle of excitement shot through my bones at the very real possibility of someone walking in on us.

I walked through the gate and paused when I saw Ro diving into the deeper end of the pool. He was in casual swim trunks, tattoos covering his body, and his tan skin glistening from the morning sun. I watched as he used his hands to propel him to the other side of the pool before he took a breath and turned back the other way. He was a vision of grace and speed.

Then I remembered the last time I saw him wet. Last night, in my shower. Memories pounded my brain, reminding me what he was doing with those hands. I started moving forward and dropped the towel covering me right as he came up from the water and glanced around.

Noticing me, he stared and watched me move toward him. I added an extra sway to my hips, almost prancing, and smiled like I knew what he was thinking. I squatted down next to him and threw my feet into the water, daring him to move. He didn’t budge. Instead, he glared at me with the same hard stare as before. His eyes traced each inch of my skin and made my body heat with the anticipation of what he could really do to me. The danger pulsed between us like an ember waiting to be lit.

I leaned down so my mouth hovered right next to his ear, my breath hitting his skin, and whispered, “What kind of monstrous stuff do you have planned today, Nurse Ro?”

He growled and pushed back off the side of the pool, dragging me off the side by my foot. He wasn't showing me any new sides to him. This was his grumpy and pissed-off expression—the only display he had since he’d found me with Lip.

I was already used to this face, and it didn't bother me at all. It made me want to push more. To test him. To get so far under his fucking skin, leaving nothing but the taste of me. So, I let him pull me off the side of the pool and into the water. I wanted him to drag me under with him and do his worst. To show me how bad it could really be. I needed to know how mean he truly believed he was.

Because I realized something at the moment before I hit the water, before my nose slipped under and I was forced to wait for my next breath.

Maybe he used to be a monster, but now he wasmymonster. A beautifully twisted, slightly damaged monster, but who wasn't damaged these days? I no longer wanted the happily ever after fairy-tale kind of love. I was no longer pure and untainted. Now, I was as damaged as him, and I wanted whatever he’d give me. Even if it came in an unadulterated, angry form.

Those few moments underwater seemed to give me a semblance of peace. All those musings I used to have about death came swarming back into my brain, overwhelming it. Seeking out the tiny feelings I’d tucked in the cracks so no one would see them.

If I were to hold my breath right now, how long would I survive? Would it be two minutes, three minutes, maybe five minutes? I didn’t know, but I wondered.

Death by drowning was not something I pondered before, but now being here, I wondered if it would be peaceful.

Would I simply drift away surrounded by a white light transporting me to my eternal resting place? Whether it be heaven or hell—salvation or damnation—I wasn’t sure. It used to be heaven before Kane happened. Now, I probably had a golden ticket to the blazing gates of hell.

I breached the water seconds later and gasped for air. Needing to suck in all the oxygen I’d depleted while holding my breath under the water. My eyes searched for him until I found him, across the pool from me. A smirk formed on his lips as I floated there, sucking in as much air as I could.

What was he thinking about right now?

“Done acting like a princess? We have laps to do, Cinderella.” He waved his arm across the pool, and I scowled at him.

“I’m not a princess, Ro. I’m a monster. Just like you. So don’t fuck with me. You won’t like what happens.”

I refused to let him get the upper hand with me. I wanted him to be scared of me, and I sure as fuck didn’t want him patronizing me with condescending nicknames like princess and Cinderella. I wouldn’t find my prince at a magical ball. Fuck fairy tales for giving us hope for anything other than pain, for making us believe there were decent men in the world.

Now I was painfully aware of the harsh truth. Men were pigs—crude, manipulative. You name it, they probably were in some way. I figured out the hard way—life was an eye for an eye, or I wouldn’t make it in this world. I’d had to harden at a young age.

I started swimming laps in the pool but not because he told me to. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I just didn’t want to spend a day in therapy, and I had no way of knowing if Lisa was checking in on us. She probably was, scrutinizing us from her precious little high horse. Poor little old Wren, so unloved and emotionally damaged.

But it didn't mean I had to keep my mouth shut.

My hands rested at my sides. “So tell me, big brother, after you left me in the shower last night, how long did it take you to fuck yourself?”

Ro scoffed at me, acting unbothered. His arms were crossed, and his expression scowled as he watched me swim back and forth.

“Your dick was so hard. There is no way you went to bed without...”

“Shut up, Wren!” he yelled.

“Why? Does it bother you how dirty we were under the water? Does it bother you how hard your dick was when your fingers were inside me? How much I moaned and screamed, knowing it was your fingers and not someone else’s.”

“I told you, you got what you wanted. So now you can focus on something else.”

“But did you get whatyouwanted? Or are you thinking about it again right now? If I came over right now, would your cock be hard in my hand? Would you be craving a taste of me again? Do you get off on thinking about me? How about with him? Do you ever think about how he touched me?”

“Stop,” he warned me, but I didn’t. I kept taunting him, needing him to break. To wonder what it was like lying there while the person he called brother physically abused me. While he sat there and listened as I called to him over and over again, praying to God he’d save me. Hoping for once he’d be the good guy and stand up to Kane instead of letting him torture me more.