Page 94 of That First Flight
“Shhh,” I say, trying to calm her as I can hear the panic breaths coming from her. I pick up the camera and notice that the lens is now slightly bent with a crack in the side where it hit the floor. The lens is supposed to retract in and out when the camera is turned on. But it can’t do that when it’s curved like that. Meaning, it’s definitely broken.
“It’s fine,” I lie, offering her a smile in hopes that she calms down.
That’s when she breaks.
Mackenzie starts crying uncontrollably, her body shaking with sobs.
“I broke it. I’m so sorry, Ollie. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean-”
“Shhhh.” I pull her small body into mine, wrapping her tightly between my arms. “It’s fine.”
She breaks free of my hold and starts pacing her room. “No, it’s not! I broke it. The same way I break everything. The same way I ruin everything!”
“Don’t say things like that.”
“I ruin everything,” Mackenzie screams back at me. Her face is red, tears streaming down her little cheeks and rage coursing through her blood. “I ruined your camera. I ruined my mom’s life.”
I crouch down at her level, gripping her wrists in my hands. “Don’t you dare say that, Mackenzie,” I scold her between gritted teeth, my voice growing louder.
From watching James grow up, I know that kids can be extra emotional when they are upset. I know he’s much younger than her, but I can’t imagine it’s anything different.
Both hands grip her shoulders now, forcing her body to relax under my touch. “Stop it, Kenzie. Youdo notruin everything and it’s not broken. This is an easy fix and I have extra lenses. It’s perfectly fine.”
Despite me trying to reassure Mackenzie that it’s okay, she just sobs harder.
I wrap my arms around her again in another attempt to bring her some comfort. This time, squeezing her tight so she can’t pull herself away.
“Please stop crying. My heart can’t handle this right now.”
Her body relaxes at that, her head resting on my shoulder as she wraps her arms around me, matching my tight squeeze.
“Can I do something to make it up to you? Do you want me to clean your apartment for you?” She pulls herself free from me, looking me in the eyes. “I can take out the trash. Mop the floors. Whatever you want.”
What the fuck?
“Absolutely not,” I snap back. “Why would I make you do any of those things?”
“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do when I’m in trouble?”
I shake my head. “But you’re not in trouble.”
She cries again, wrapping her arms around me as she buries her head into my neck. “I’m so sorry.”
My heart cracks.
I hate that she’s feeling like this.
I hate that she feels this guilty over something that can easily be replaced.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. It’s something that can easily be replaced. Your happiness means more to me than this camera and right now I want you to stop beating yourself up over it.”
Mackenzie nods as she climbs into her bed and covers herself up with her blankets.
“Wait right here. I have something for you to help you sleep tonight.”
I run down the hall and across the living room until I reach my room. Swiping the teddy bear with the broken leg from my bed to let Mackenzie have tonight.
“This is Bert,” I announce, holding up the teddy bear.