Page 74 of That Last Secret

“I’ve been here long enough, O’Connor,” I finally say. “I’ve seen more shit than I want to see. I lost my dad after I begged him to bring home pizza after work when I was a kid.” I swallow back the emotions from that statement alone. “It’s not that I don’t want that kind of life of being in love and having a wife in the future. It’s that I can’t allow it to happen. I can’t have something happen to me. God forbid I have kids!” I can feel my voice rising with more emotions than I care to show right now. “And they… lose their dad. Or my wife ends up losing her husband. I’ve knocked on too many doors to give people the news that they’ve lost the love of their life. I’ve watched husbands and wives crumble to the ground, unable to breathe, knowing they would never speak to their spouses again, that they’ll never have another normal family dinner together again. That does something to you I can’t explain.”

Silas quietly nods in understanding but, again, says nothing more.

Because he knows what it’s like, he’s had to do it too.

The energy I didn’t have ten minutes ago now flows through my body after letting out the emotions I have kept locked in a vault.

“Ready for another round?” I ask, changing the subject before he can say anything else.

Silas raises a skeptical brow. “Only if you’re ready to give me everything you got.”

I nod. “I’m ready,” I tell him, even though every part of my body screams I’m not.

I need this.

I need to let everything out right here, right now, through these punches.

December

Brooke

Are you sure you don’t want to go to the library?

I’m positive. It’s getting late.

Brooke

I can come over and we can go over the material together?

I’m going to run through the study guides once more and try to get a good night’s sleep.

Brooke

Ok babe. We got this, ok? We didn’t come this far just to come this far. You know the material. You know you’re going to pass this.

She’s right. I know this material because I’ve studied it like the back of my hand. Repeatedly, until I can recite the words from the textbook out loud without even having to look.

But it doesn’t stop my mind from going into overdrive before exams.

This isn’t just any exam. It’s thefinalexam that will determine whether I finish this entire program.

One more semester to go.

One more semester to go.

I’ve been repeating it to myself tonight and over the last few nights when I feel myself drowning in the weight of the pressure from this decisive exam.

I’m expected to graduate in June. That’s only six months away.

You can do anything for six months.

I let out an audible groan, even though no one is here to listen. My head pounds from staring at the small text inside my book while simultaneously reading study guides on my laptop.

My phone rings and I see Oliver’s name flash on the screen.

“I do not have time for this right now,” I say to myself, frustrated.

I want to ignore the call but can’t because it’s my brother. Not that he’s the one who would worry the most if I didn’t answer, but if he tells Marc or Thomas I didn’t pick up, they will be here within three seconds with an army to break down my door and make sure I’m okay.