Page 75 of That Last Secret
“Hey,” I finally answer.
“Hey, baby sis.” I can practically hear the smile on his face. If that’s even a thing. “How’s it going?”
“It’s going,” I say flatly. “Just studying for my final exam tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? Already? I can’t believe how fast this semester is going for you.”
“I can’t either.” I muster up a laugh. “A little too fast for the amount we’re expected to know.”
“You’re a smart cookie,” he says. “You’re going to get an A plus-plus-plus.” He laughs, emphasizing each plus he says, which makes me laugh at how carefree he is about life.
“When is your trip?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
“I leave the day after Christmas. So in a few days,” he confirms. “I’m excited to see Marc’s new place up in Roxbury. Maybe I’ll get some good shots for a blog post too.”
“That sounds great,” I say, staring down at my textbook. “Listen, Ollie. I hate to cut this short but I have to study so I can pass this tomorrow.”
“Of course, Em,” Oliver says. “You’ll pass with flying colors in case I need to remind you again. I love you.”
“I love you too, Ollie,” I reply and hang up the phone before I get emotional with him.
I love that everyone has confidence in me, but what if I don’t pass?
I can feel my pulse race and my breathing get shallow, and after that short conversation, I know my mind is diving into the dreaded panic.
I don’t know why I’m this way.
I don’t know why I can’t believe in myself the way everyone else does.
The pressure feels like an elephant sitting on my chest, and I want to scream, but I can’t.Thisis the reason I avoided thelibrary tonight. I knew this would happen because it happens before every exam or when I’m extremely stressed.
I stand up and bring myself to my living room and away from the sight of my books. I need to ground myself, but it’s so hard. I want to pick up the phone and call the girls or my brothers to let them calm me down, but I can’t let them know.
My breaths come out fast and erratic now. I sit on the edge of the couch, with my hands squeezing the cushion on each side of my thigh as I work hard to control my breathing before I pass out.
A knock at the door causes me to jump from my seat.
I say nothing and don’t move to open the door but cover my mouth with my hand. Maybe if I’m quiet enough, they’ll leave.
The person on the other end is silent, and tears form in my eyes. This is when someone discovers what I’ve been trying to keep to myself.
This is when everyone will look at me like a fragile doll.
“Emiline, are you there?”
No. Why is Logan here right now? This can’t be happening.
With how fast my heart is racing, I really think I might pass out.
“I know you’re in there,” he says from the other side of the door. “I just ran into Brooke at the coffee shop.”
Shit.
My only saving grace is that he already knows.
“It’s open,” I shout through ragged breaths.
The door flies open, and Logan’s eyes land on mine as he steps into the apartment. The tears fall faster, and my breathing becomes more frantic than before as we both stare at each other from across the room.