Page 40 of Going for Two
Words had never pierced me harder. It was one thing for Derek to comment on how I wasn’t living the best life outside of work, but to have Lottie tell me that I wasn’t being the best in the one thing I cared about stung.
“Thank you for your observation,” I told her after a moment, my words stilted.
Silence sat heavy between us as Lottie moved to restart my knee massage. There was a part of me that felt desperate to fill it, to go back to the easiness that was between us during our dinnerdate. I didn’t like the rift that was growing between us because of my actions.
“Can we talk about yesterday?” I asked her.
“I’m not sure there’s anything to talk about.”
I shook my head, needing to get some of this guilt off my chest. “I need to tell you I’m sorry.”
Lottie didn’t look up from her ministrations. “I appreciate that.”
“Can we go back to how we were yesterday morning?” I asked.
This time Lottie walked away from the table to grab a tool that would help her push some of the swelling out of my knee.
“I’m not sure about that,” she said. “I don’t want to date someone who prioritizes their work over the people in their life. I lived that as a child, and I don’t intend to do the same as an adult.”
“This season is just important to me.” I felt like I was a broken record, constantly reminding everyone around me of it.
“That may be so, but is it so important that you neglect the people in your life for it?” Lottie gave me a sad smile as if she understood the predicament I was in, but still took pity on me.
“I know I need to do better,” I told her. “Just don’t give up on me?”
“I couldn’t possibly, Nolan. I’m one of your medical professionals. This is my job.” Lottie strapped a light ankle weight to me before instructing me to do the first exercise on her list.
“I wasn’t talking about as my physical therapist, Lottie. I was talking about not giving up on us. I know I need to work on myself, and I intend to.”
I watched Lottie wring one of the towels through her hands before she gave me a short nod and walked out of the training room.
After I finished therapy, I went to search for Hawthorn or Derek to talk about the conversation I’d just had with Lottie. But before I could get there, I stumbled across Caleb working through different routes out on the practice field by himself.
Lottie’s words rang through my head.
Have you ever heard ofmudita? It describes the joy one has toward another’s good fortunes or success.
And then Derek’s.
I would hate to see you living in the chapter before rather than enjoying what’s to come for you. Very few of us have the chance to be remembered after we die by many, but we are all remembered by few and it’s those few that matter most.
Before I could change my mind, I pushed out onto the practice field and walked out to Caleb.
“Hey!” The rookie flashed me a smile I felt like I didn’t deserve. “How are you feeling? I heard the good news that nothing’s torn. I wasn’t sure if you’d be ready for the next game, so I wanted to make sure I was … just in case.”
I saw a younger version of myself in his eager face and I hated that I was so self-absorbed that I hadn’t paused to remember that a team was only as good as its weakest link. Caleb wanted the success of theteam, and it was time I started wanting the same thing.
“Can I walk you through some of the routes for the game?”
A smile spread across Caleb’s face before he gave me an eager nod.
“I’d appreciate that, Nolan. Thanks.”
I wanted to rewrite the public perception of me with my last season, but I didn’t want to do it if it meant ostracizing those around me. I could at least start with Caleb. Next, I would have to figure out how to fix things with Lottie.
Chapter 19
Lottie