Page 3 of Reverse Perspective
I have my head in my arms desperately trying to not cry. It’s stupid that I can’t get over this. The worst part about all of this is seeing her in his shirt. They may prioritize me as their best friend, but that’s the only priority that I get. I will never know what it’s like to wake up with them and know that I am theirs. For some stupid reason, I can’t get it out of my head. It’s all I fucking want.
Going into business with them was the dumbest fucking thing I could’ve done because now I’m stuck watching them with everyone else but me. I’ve been considering selling my portion and stepping down. If one of them were to get into a serious relationship, I don’t know how I would handle it. It’s not fair to whoever they fall in love with for me to act like a raging bitch every time they’re around because I’m heartbroken. I have a meeting with a lawyer on Monday to talk about my contract with the guys to see if I’m actually able to sell my portion. Chances are I’m gonna have to just get them to buy me out.
My bedroom door slowly opens. I already know it’s Lance. He won’t leave it alone until I forgive him. That’s the worst part. I’m not even mad at him. I’m sad.
“Sadie,” he says softly.
“Go away,” I say with a dramatic groan as I stay where I’m at.
“You can’t stay mad at me forever,” he says as he lies on the bed beside me.
“Watch me. I lost sleep again because of you,” I say. I keep my head in my arms because I have tears in my eyes. I’ll never get him to go away if he knows I’m crying. Mason and Dean will end up coming in here and then they will gang up on me until I admit what’s wrong.
“Look at me, Sadie,” he says softly. He puts his hand on my back to try and comfort me. He knows that I’m upset, but his touch has the exact opposite effect. It is just another reminder that I’m hung up on men who will never see me the same way.
I hear Mason and Dean in the room, and I am suddenly overwhelmed. As I lay here, my chest tightens with an invisible weight, and a lump forms in my throat. I squeeze my eyes closed tighter, hoping to contain the storm brewing within. Yet, despite my efforts, a nearly silent sob racks from my body. I bury my face deeper in my arms when my body trembles from the cries slipping out, hoping the others won't notice the cracks forming in the wall I built to hide my feelings from them.
“Sadie, please look at me,” Lance says, still rubbing my back. He doesn’t know that touching me is just making it worse but I don’t want him to stop. That’s the fucked up part.
“Come on, Demon. Talk to us,” Dean says.
“Just go away. Please,” I whimper. I’m trying to keep my voice even, but it still cracks.
“Nope. I’m not doing this,” Mason says as he flips me so that he can look at me. I sit up and move away from them only for Mason to grab me and sit me on my dresser. He puts his handson either side of me and is too close for me to get down. I give up but drop my gaze to my hands on my lap as I pick at my nails. I still have tears streaking my cheeks when Lance and Dean stand on either side of Mason. “Talk to us.”
“I’m fine,” I say.
“Liar,” Mason says as he tilts my chin to make me look at him.
“Fine. Hormones,” I say, giving him a deadpan expression.
“That’s a load of bullshit also because you haven’t had a period in five years from birth control. Try again,” he says.
“That’s creepy that you know that,” I frown.
“Little Demon, we’ve known each other since kindergarten. We know everything about each other. So why don’t you fill in the gaps for us and tell us why you’re crying?” he asks.
“I told you, I got mad. I just overwhelmed myself is all,” I lie.
“I don’t believe you,” Lance says.
“I don’t care what you believe,” I snap. Lance raises an eyebrow at me and I sigh. “I’m sorry. Can we just go? I don’t wanna talk about this.”
“Fine. We can talk tonight,” Lance says. “Okay?”
“Not tonight. I have a date,” I say. It’s not entirely a lie. Alex asked last night if I wanted to hang out.
Alex is a guy who I’ve been talking to for a few weeks now. We hang out when we have time. I’m not sure if I like him because I actually like him or because he gets my mind off of the guys. We haven’t had sex yet but after this morning, I think I want to try to give it a shot. I need to make myself get the fuck over my best friends. I need to find someone else to feel this way about.
“A date? With who?” Mason asks.
“It’s not that douchebag, Alex, is it?” Dean asks.
“He’s not a douche,” I say. “And yes.”
“You’re bringing him here, aren’t you?” Lance asks.
“I sure am,” I confirm. “He’ll be here at seven.”