Page 6 of Tangled
“Yeah, Mom,” I clam up again, feeling the next wave of emotion come over me.
“I love you, baby. It’s going to be alright.”
I sniffle and wipe the snot from my nose with the back of my hand. I’m just all kinds of classy right now.
“I know, Mom. I love you too. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“I’ll be waiting for you.”
I hang up the phone and search for the nearest gas station to stop off for coffee. I have a five-hour drive ahead of me and I’ll need all the caffeine I can get.
My contacts stick to my eyes from the tears that keep falling, so I flip down the visor to extract them, then dig my glasses out of my purse. I glance in the mirror to wipe the mascara stains from my cheeks, blow my nose into a napkin I found in my glove box, and exit the car in search of caffeine and hopefully, some direction in my life.
I feel like I over-reacted, leaving my entire life behind in a matter of an hour, the life I’ve spent the last nine years building. Northern California was my home, the place I went to college, established my career, and where I ultimately thought I would build roots and start my family. But after seeing Trevor wrecking everything we’d spent the last year building, the last place I wanted to be was there.
I guess it looks like Emerson Falls is calling my name again—my real home, the place I was raised in and grew up wanting to leave so badly. Hopefully, when I arrive, I’ll feel some sense that this was the right thing to do.
“Hey, baby,” my mom glides through the door with bags of groceries, pulling me from my memory of last week.
“Hi, Mom. Here, let me help you,” I offer while reaching out to relieve her of a few bags.
“Clara. Perry. So good to see you girls again.” My mom smiles at two of my best friends. Getting to see these women more often is one of the few positive things to occur from my new circumstances.
“You too, Mrs. Walsh,” Perry greets my mom with a hug, followed by Clara.
“We hate to run, but I’ve got to get back to my office for a conference call, and Perry has to go pick up her kids from school. But we’ll see you and Amy at the bar later tonight, right?” Clara explains as they both go to gather their purses. Amy, the fourth leg of our pack, couldn’t help this afternoon since her husband wasn’t home and all of her kids aren’t in school yet. But I know she’ll be joining us for drinks later, more than eager for some adult interaction.
“Yes. I’ll meet you there. I hope their tequila is stocked because I’m in the mood to forget everything right now.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll help you forget that asshole,” Clara confirms before kissing me on the cheek and following Perry out of my front door with a wave.
“It sure is nice to see those girls again. I can’t believe how grown-up you all are now,” my mom declares while starting to unload the food she bought for me. Even as a thirty-one-year-old woman, my mom still feels the innate need to take care of me.
I watch her move gracefully around my kitchen, stocking the cupboards and organizing fruits and vegetables on the shelves of my fridge. Her dark hair has streaks of grey in it and the lines around her eyes have become deeper since I’d seen her last. My parents are getting older and getting more time with them now that I’m home is something I can’t complain about.
“Yup. Everyone’s grown up and married and having children, and I’m running away from a man that couldn’t keep his dick in his pants,” I say sarcastically as I help my mom with the last few items to be put away.
“Liv, there’s nothing wrong with where you’re at in your life right now. In fact, I’m glad things didn’t work out with Trevor.”
“Really?” I question since this is the first time I’ve heard her speak negatively about him.
She nods in confirmation. “Yes. I didn’t want to say anything while you were together because I trust you and know that if things progressed with you two, I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable about how your father and I truly felt about him. But deep down we kind of felt that something was off there.”
I feel the tears threaten to rise again for the umpteenth time in the last week. My lips start to tremble while I fight for control, but ultimately the drops fall as I sag down onto a stool at my kitchen counter.
“Liv,” my mom soothes me with her soft voice as she comes around the cabinets and wraps her arms around me. “Why are you crying?”
I sniffle and gain some composure before spilling my thoughts. “Because I’m mad at myself, Mom. I knew there was something off too, but I didn’t listen to my gut like you’ve always taught me to do. I guess… I guess I wanted so badly to believe that it was all in my head, that the time I had invested in our relationship was worth trying to overcome the doubt I felt. But then when I saw him fucking her… I wasn’t even angry with him… well, that’s not true. I was and still am pissed at him. But I’m more angry with myself.”
“Liv, you are human, baby. You’re going to make mistakes…”
My tears are pouring now, emptying my sorrow and relinquishing the blame I’ve put on myself since that night. “I hate feeling like I failed, Mom. I mean, I tend to excel in everything else I do in life! I graduated at the top of my class in both high school and college. I kick ass at my job and have built a reputation as a strong teacher. I’m confident and work hard for everything I’ve ever achieved. I’m strong-willed and not afraid to stand up for myself. So why can’t I succeed in love? Why am I thirty-one and still single? And why have I let a man’s actions affect me this much?”
My mother wipes tears from my cheeks and brushes my deep red hair off of my face, staring down into my eyes in the way only a mother can. Her gaze offers me acceptance as I list my faults to the only person I know who won’t judge me. I know I could vent to my friends, but they expect me to be the same Olivia I’ve always been… collected and focused, and definitely not one to cry over a man.
But here, right now—I don’t feel like that Olivia. I feel like a woman whose fears are weighing on me. I feel like this unrealistic pressure I put on myself is making me crumble and shatter.
“Baby, this pain you feel right now is only momentary. This heartbreak you’re feeling right now may have saved you from years of self-doubt and betrayal. Be grateful for the lesson that jerk has given you and move on with your life. He was a weed infiltrating your mind and heart. Rip him out and let the flowers continue to grow. You are a beautiful, intelligent, and generous woman who will find a man that cherishes you one day. Believe me—when you find that man, you’ll want to get it right with him.”