Page 62 of Tasting Innocence
* * *
Fifteen minutes later,I park along the curb in front of their apartment and stare at the front door. I decided not to text him ahead of time, because I didn’t want him to flee. We’re gonna talk this out no matter what.
I knock on the door as my heart races in my chest. When it opens, Renzo’s eyes show a flash of surprise before they harden into a blank stare.
“Can I come in?”
He steps back and I pull open the screen door and walk inside. He doesn’t say anything, but I follow him as he saunters back to the couch in the living room. I choose to sit in the loveseat to the left of him and awkwardly stare at the TV screen like I’m paying attention, but I’m not.
I rub my hands together and face him. “Zo, we need to talk.”
He turns the volume down before his eyes flicker to mine. “Yeah, we do.”
“Let me just say what I need to before you cut me off, and then you can say what you want.” He nods once. “I want to apologize first. I get that it was a shock to you, and we should’ve told you before you found out that way, but know that we did plan on doing just that. When we came over here for dinner, we came early so we could talk, but Trevor was already here. We figured we’d wait until Sunday, after the party.
“I’m not sure what all you want to hear, but here it goes. I’ve had a crush on Dex for a while, but never thought much more of it than that. I assumed he wouldn’t be interested because I was just this high school girl who was his best friend’s baby sister. Recently, I started to get the idea that maybe he did like me, but it wasn’t until we were at the hotel that we really even discussed it.
“You were always at the forefront of our conversations, because we were both concerned about how you’d react and whether it was worth it.” I sigh. “And since you said it like five times the other night, I want to make it clear that we haven’t had sex.”
He shifts and looks away, the only sign he’s given that he’s listening.
“You know Dex, and while you said some pretty mean things about him, I know you know he’s a good person. Yeah, maybe he’s slept around, but he’s not the only one, and you can’t act like people who sleep around aren’t capable of being in relationships. You did it,” I say with a pointed stare. “He’s not a bad person, and he treats me well. He makes me laugh, makes me happy, and though you may be surprised by this, he’s not pressuring me to do anything I don’t want to. He’s quite considerate, actually.”
I stop talking, studying Renzo for any signs of anger or regret, but he’s pretty stoic.
“And you saying he wasn’t your friend or family was really messed up. You’ve been the most stable person in his life, and to him, you’re his brother. You probably cut him really deep with that comment.”
Zo rubs a hand over his face. “Okay. Can I talk now?”
I sit back and nod.
He takes a deep breath and leans forward. “I’m sorry for yelling and making a scene like I did. I was furious and drunk, and I wasn’t thinking. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t mean most of what I said.” I go to open my mouth and argue, but he gives me a look and I pin my lips together. “I don’t think Dex is right for you.”
“What are you—”
“Let me finish.”
This is gonna be harder than I thought. I gesture with my hand for him to continue.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love Dex. He’s been a great friend over the years, but I know things about him that you don’t. Things I don’t even want to tell you. You’re my baby sister and I don’t want you to get your heart broken.
“Dex has known for years that I didn’t want any of my friends messing around with you, and before you begin to think that’s weird for me to care about, you know that if I was straight you wouldn’t want me fucking with Monique or Scarlet. It has the ability to become awkward and messy for everyone.”
He pauses, scratching his head as he thinks about what he’s gonna say next. “Not once did I ever think you two would have any feelings for each other. He’s been around for so long, and never did either of you say or act like you even remotely cared about the other person. This is coming out of the blue for me.”
“Can I say something?” I ask. He nods. “You say you know things about him that I don’t, and that’s probably true, but why can’t you believe that I know things you don’t? My relationship with him is different than what you have with him. While it hasn’t been long since we’ve started talking, I know he’s sensitive. I know he’s sad and lonely. I know how caring he is, and I know he isn’t this selfish, stuck-up, dumb jock that everyone thinks he is.
“He invited us all to the motel because he hates being at his house, because he’s always left alone there. He doesn’t have a motherly figure in his life, and his dad is hardly a parent. He loathes being alone, and that’s probably why he’s always with a different girl. He’s just seeking some sort of affection wherever he can get it. We shouldn’t judge him for that. It’s none of anybody’s business what someone else does in their life. You should know that.”
He raises his hand. “Okay, I get what you’re saying, but there’s a big chance that this doesn’t work out. He doesn’t know how to be in a relationship, Vi. He’s never been in one, and as far as I knew, he never wanted one.”
“People change, Zo. Did you know how to be in a relationship before you had one? Does anybody? We learn as we go and we hope for the best. I don’t know what I’m doing in life half the time, but I keep pushing and figure I’ll learn along the way. Why can’t he and I learn together? Why don’t we deserve a chance?”
“If he breaks your heart, how will I be able to stay his friend? If you break his heart how will we ever be able to be in the same place again? If it ends ugly, how does it not affect all of us?”
I shrug. “It’s just another thing we’ll have to figure out, but what if it works? Isn’t it better knowing that our parents already know and love him? You hated every guy I ever brought around, but you like Dex.
Renzo grunts. “Well.”