Page 126 of His Secret
ADRIAN
“She’s a good woman,”Dad says when we’re in the car.
“She is. Don’t you think she deserves better?”
“Better than you?”
I nod, backing into the street. “Better than someone who is incapable of loving her the way she should be loved.”
“I’m sure you love her,” he says, looking out his window.
“Not in a way you should love your spouse. I’ll never be what she wants, just like she can never be what I want.”
“And what you want is thatman?”
He manages to make the wordmansound like a slur.
“Dad,” I say with a sigh.
“I’m truly asking. You said you wanted to be able to talk to me and be honest. Well, it’s been a long time coming. So let’s talk. You want to leave your wife and be with a kid you knew in college? Is that the only…” He hesitates, stumbling over his words. “The only…uhh…experience you’ve had?”
“If we’re gonna talk about this, it’s going to be about me and not about him or anyone else. What I want is to be who I am and have the freedom to make decisions for me, whatever those might be. I don’t want to be afraid of yourreactions anymore, because you know what? This is already a scary thing for me. But having your words in the back of my head, your threats and your disgust…that lives with me and I’m tired of it. I’m an adult, and you have to get to the point where you understand that your children become their own people with their own lives and it has nothing to do with you.”
I stop talking when we get to a light, expecting him to say something, but he doesn’t. We go through two more lights before he says anything.
“I think we’re due for a long talk. Maybe many. But I’m gonna say this for now,” he states as I pull into a hotel parking lot. “If you’re telling me you’re gay and that you’re going to break apart your family, then I want you to be sure about what you’re doing. You were with this man in school—something I chalked up to experimentation and messing around. And if he has been the only person you’ve had this…experience with, then I’d say you need to get some more experience under your belt. You say you’re attracted to men, and he’s a man, but he’s not theonlyman. You can’t throw away everything to be with the only man you’ve ever been with. He holds memories. First times, I imagine. It’s special for most people, but firsts don’t equate to forevers. It hardly ever works out that way. I’d just think about it, if I were you.”
I’m taken aback by his response. My brain is working overtime to filter through his words to find the cruelty I’m used to, and then he opens the door.
I look over at him, but he’s not looking at me. He gets out, closes the door, and gives it a couple pats before walking to the front of the hotel.
Instead of going straight home, I drive around for a little while.
Technically, I just came out to my father. I didn’t say thewords, but I didn’t have to. Like I told him, he always knew. The truth has always been between us.
He may not like it, and may not understand, but it’s not for him to do either of those things.
His words about Charlotte not being able to handle this confession swirl around in my head, and I suppose the fear of sending her into a spiral has always lived within me. But does that mean I live a lie forever? She deserves better. We both do.
When I get home, she’s asleep, so I pull my blankets and pillow out of the closet and lie on the couch. Sleep doesn’t come easy, but I eventually close my eyes so I can end the day.
In the morning, I only go into the room to grab my clothes. She doesn’t stir as I open and close the closet. I shower in the bathroom in the hall, get dressed, and then make my way to the car.
I greet a few people on my way to my office, but as soon as I’m at my desk, I’m bombarded with calls and emails. Work is demanding, but it keeps me from daydreaming about other things.
Matías is absent from the office for most of the morning. A meeting I have runs a little late, cutting into my normal lunch time, but when I make my way back to my office, I stop in my tracks when I see my father.
He’s near the elevators, his phone in hand.
“What are you doing here?” I ask when I approach.
He looks up, his brown eyes meeting mine with a hint of surprise in them. “Will you be able to make it to lunch with Charlotte and I?”
My brows furrow. Is he serious? “I didn’t think I was invited.”
He pockets his phone. “Well, you are.”
“And what’s supposed to be discussed at this lunch?” I question, looking around.