Page 131 of His Secret

ADRIAN

My emotions drive me,sending me across the lawn and into my house where I know it’s time to finally have this conversation. I can’t take it anymore.

“Charlotte. Charlotte!” I call, getting louder each time. “Charlotte!”

“What’s going on?” she says, coming down the stairs with a furrow in her brow.

“We need to talk.”

“Adrian, not right now,” she starts, turning around to head back up.

“No, right this second,” I yell. “We’ve been avoiding each other and it’s not helping the situation.” I take a breath and try to calm down. “Please. I need to tell you something.”

She stops, looks at me with some apprehension, but comes down the steps.

I choose to sit at the dining room table and wait for her to take her seat on the opposite side.

“What is it?” she asks, her voice a little shaky.

I take a breath and stare into her eyes.

“I want you to know that I care about you somuch. You’re exceptionally strong and smart, and capable of anything you put your mind to. I’m proud of you and your growth. You’ve gone through things I couldn’t imagine, and?—”

“Adrian, please,” she says, her voice cracking. “What are you saying?”

“Charlotte, we were forced together by our parents. They used me to keep you in line, to watch over you, to be the father of a child everyone knew wasn’t mine. Your father cared more about his business dealings than your well-being. He was embarrassed and didn’t want you to taint his name and what he had going on with my father. And my father,” I say, voice cutting out. “He was also embarrassed of me. He hated who I was. Who I am. And this was the perfect way of getting what he wanted from me.”

“I don’t understand,” she says, shaking her head slightly.

“I’m gay, Charlotte.” I let the words sit there, and she stares at me with wide eyes, her lips parted. “He’s known since I was in college. He told me I couldn’t be gay and still be a part of his family. He told me he’d cut me off. I’d have no money, no job, no future. He threatened the guy he knew I was with back then. Said he’d make sure he couldn’t get the job he wanted. He forced us apart and continued to control me by ensuring I needed him. He paid for everything. My car, apartment, phone bill. When I first started working for him, he took chunks of my check for the things he already paid for. It took a long time to save enough to be able to be on my own.”

Her fingers come to her lips, hand shaking as tears brim in her eyes. “What?” Her voice is barely above a whisper.

“I’m sorry, Charlotte. I couldn’t tell you. I never told anyone.”

“You couldn’t tell me?” she questions. “You married me!”

“Because I had to, just like you had to marry me. Youdidn’t love me. You didn’t want me. We were told what was expected of us, and considering we were both dependent on our parents, we didn’t have a choice. We had a good friendship. We got along, we laughed, and we tried. You have to know I tried, Charlotte. I tried to let our relationship develop into something I knew wasn’t possible. But there’s no denying it wasn’t perfect.”

She stares at me for a long time, her lips still parted in surprise.

“I love you, though.”

The words are like little daggers aimed at my heart. “And I love you.” The pause is long, stretching between us as we study each other.

“But,” we both say at the same time.

I tilt my head, my lips pulling down in the corners. “Not the way someone should love their spouse.”

A sole tear falls from her eye, rolling down her cheek. She leaves it there for a few seconds before swiping it away.

“I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what to say or what to expect. I moved here with you. I…I don’t have anyone else. You’ve ruined everything.”

She gets up and rushes upstairs. I follow her, taking them two at a time, then find her in our room where she’s changing out of her pajama pants.

“Charlotte. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t keep living a lie. It was killing me to let my father have control over my life. I want to be able to live my life the way I want, not how he’s orchestrated, and you deserve the same.”

She buttons her jeans and shoves her feet into a pair of sneakers. “Oh, please. Don’t pretend like you thought about me at all in this scenario.”