Page 161 of Lessons In Grey

I swallowed, the world blurring. I cleared my throat and nodded once. “How long?”

“I don’t know. Until we make sure that he never comes back from the dead again, that’s all I can give you.”

I nodded again, taking my hand from his and turning to Grey. I understood what was about to happen, I did, but that didn’t make it suck any less.

“I have to keep you safe,” he justified.

“I know,” I replied, reaching for his tie. “I know.” I sniffed, blinking, the tears sliding down my face.

Grey slid his hand over my cheek, gently wiping away some of the tears with his thumb. “I will take care of this, I promise.” He looked over. “When are we leaving?”

“Tonight,” Malachi said regretfully. “Azrael and I will be in the car, give you both some time. Emily, it was such a delight to meetyou, I hope to have dinner with you soon.”

I nodded, finding his eyes. “You too, Malachi. Thank you.”

He smiled softly. “For what, my dear?”

“For him.”

His smile shifted into something of absolute pride. “Yes, well, I can’t take all the credit.” He took his hat off, revealing his bald head, and bowed. “Until we meet again.”

I smiled, eyes shifting to Azrael whose expression was void of light.

His smile stretched across his face, nearly matching the one etched into his mask. “Until we meet again, little mouse.”

God, he scared the shit out of me.

They both turned, leaving Grey and I to say our goodbyes.

He pulled me into his arms as soon as Malachi and Azrael disappeared from view, and I wrapped my own around his neck, pulling me against him tightly, trying to keep the tears from falling any more than they already had.

This was necessary. We talked at length about it. I understood this as a possibility, I did. This was his job. I would be fine. I didn’t need to see him every second of every day. I would be fine. I was always fine alone, I’d be fine now.

He squeezed me until my ribs started to bend under his grip. He kissed my head, my neck, my ear. “I love you,” he mumbled. “More than falling stars and budding roses. I love you.”

I nodded, leaning back just enough to find his lips. I crushed my mouth against his, sliding my tongue between his lips, tasting him every inch of him, showing him how in love with him I truly was.

I could taste all the words left unsaid as he kissed me. All the moments we had experienced together, the trust, I felt it all. I could feel the electrified butterflies simmer under my skin, settling in my bones. I absorbed them with all that I was.

I didn’t want him to go, but this was what it was to love a criminal.

When I couldn’t breathe anymore, I pulled away from him, our foreheads falling together, our breath mingling in the air between us.

“I love you,” he said, pulling away just enough to meet my eyes. “I love you so very much, Emily. So much. I have never had an anchor in all my years, and now I do. My Snowflake guiding me home. I’ll come back, I promise, and I’ll call you when I can, but I don’t know where I will be or how busy, do you understand me?”

I nodded, already having prepared myself for this. There could be days, weeks perhaps, when I would get nothing more than a text. It wasn’t his fault. “Yes.”

“Good,” he breathed out. “Good.” His eyes fell to my lips, his hands threading back into my hair, holding me in place. “Oh, Snowflake, baby, I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said, doing my best to swallow the tears back, although I was failing miserably. “Please be safe. Please. I know it’s stupid, I know you’ve done dozens of these before, but please, come back.”

He smiled softly. “Dozens, but never have I had a reason to fight like the reason I have now.” He gazed at me like a dreamer looking at the stars. “They’ll keep me safe. Azrael’s different, but he’s still family. He’ll put his life down for mine.”

And he would do the same for Azrael. I had to accept that.

I sniffed, finding his eyes. “Tell me something brilliant,” I whispered.

The corners of his lips lifted, and he nodded as he straightened. He released my face and grabbed my hand, lifting it up, studying my palm before his eyes found mine. “I’ve traveled from sea to sea. I’ve seen every corner of this world, ones so dark you couldn’t see an ounce of light, and ones so bright, it would blind you. I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe, beautiful things, tragic things, impossible things. Yet nothing in this world could ever compare to what I see when I look at you.” He kissed the palm of my hand gently. “I really am just a madmanwith a gun.”